Dementophobic
28-02-13, 12:16
Hello everyone. I'd like to start by saying this is my first post. I've been googling my problems and always seem to find some form of answer about it here. I apologise is advance if many of my queries have been answered inthe past, but my PC is broken, and finding the answers which I'm looking for is had on a mobile phone.
So here are my details: when I was 17, around early september I smoked some cannabis, maybe once a week/every two weeks until November. I'd always notice a funny feeling the day after, and shrugged it off as hangover/sleep deficit. Quite often, I'd take too much, and have panic attacks, which would eventually calm down so that I could enjoy my relaxation. I was always in the company of others whilst smoking. I continued to smoke until the end of December, once a week.
In November, I came across a video which simulated what a schizophrenic hears daily. I watched it with earphones, and despite being terrified, I braved it until the end of the 3 minutes for which it lasted (felt like an eternity). Since then, I've developed severe demento/maniaphobia.
This maniaphobia has taken a huge toll on me, to the point which I believe my mind is making up symptoms, and my fear is developing to a fear of my own mind, the one place I can't escape.
I saw the doctor in January, and he's put me on the waiting list to see s councillor (heard nothing so far). Since then, my symptoms worsened, and I went back to see him today. He thinks I should hear from the councillor soon, but says that anxiety is taking over my life, thus he has prescribed me Citalopram 10mg, but I am anxious as to wether or not to take it.
So, my symptoms:
Sleep Deprivation and trouble sleeping.
hearing voices IN my head when trying to sleep, usually can't understand/don't remember what they say, but they scare me (being scared of schizophrenia)
I am having memories which I can't prove, so I assume my brain is making them up.
bad memory, sometimes can't recall what I did during the day.
Doubting my senses. the other day I could smell mud, but there was no mud around, so I assumed again I was making it up. I am also hearing birds singing, but doubting they're there even though I know that they are.
excessive worry.
waking up in the night
even doubting memories which I'm sure really happened, ones with proof.
information obsessed. (googling every symptom)
Minor confusion and brain fog.
De realisation
lack of appetite, not wanting to eat as it now makes me feel sick. (I've always been just above underweight, but scared I might become underweight)
constant headache
complete loss of sex drive, no masturbation/horniness for weeks.
struggling to get and maintain a strong erection.
loss of sense of time, everything in the past seems double the length of time away. (e.g something I did yesterday feels like 2 days ago, 1 week feels like 2 weeks.)
and lastly, all of these symptoms are seriously affecting my college work, I'm sleeping in and missing college days.
I am now 18 years old, and really just want to get over this quickly. My family has no medical history of mental health problems, yet still I feel the fear of developing something serious. Sometimes I doubt my existence, relate to the matrix etc, but I know that isn't true.
So, should I take the pills? I just want this worry to go away so that I can take my life back. I also read I can't drink when on Citalopram, which isn't too much of an issue, but I do like to party every couple of weekends.
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, I'm very greatful for any responses, and would really just like a diagnosis, and treatment.
Thanks again.
Edit: should add death is my second biggest fear behind going insane, so suicidal thoughts/actions are not an issue for me. At least not yet.
So here are my details: when I was 17, around early september I smoked some cannabis, maybe once a week/every two weeks until November. I'd always notice a funny feeling the day after, and shrugged it off as hangover/sleep deficit. Quite often, I'd take too much, and have panic attacks, which would eventually calm down so that I could enjoy my relaxation. I was always in the company of others whilst smoking. I continued to smoke until the end of December, once a week.
In November, I came across a video which simulated what a schizophrenic hears daily. I watched it with earphones, and despite being terrified, I braved it until the end of the 3 minutes for which it lasted (felt like an eternity). Since then, I've developed severe demento/maniaphobia.
This maniaphobia has taken a huge toll on me, to the point which I believe my mind is making up symptoms, and my fear is developing to a fear of my own mind, the one place I can't escape.
I saw the doctor in January, and he's put me on the waiting list to see s councillor (heard nothing so far). Since then, my symptoms worsened, and I went back to see him today. He thinks I should hear from the councillor soon, but says that anxiety is taking over my life, thus he has prescribed me Citalopram 10mg, but I am anxious as to wether or not to take it.
So, my symptoms:
Sleep Deprivation and trouble sleeping.
hearing voices IN my head when trying to sleep, usually can't understand/don't remember what they say, but they scare me (being scared of schizophrenia)
I am having memories which I can't prove, so I assume my brain is making them up.
bad memory, sometimes can't recall what I did during the day.
Doubting my senses. the other day I could smell mud, but there was no mud around, so I assumed again I was making it up. I am also hearing birds singing, but doubting they're there even though I know that they are.
excessive worry.
waking up in the night
even doubting memories which I'm sure really happened, ones with proof.
information obsessed. (googling every symptom)
Minor confusion and brain fog.
De realisation
lack of appetite, not wanting to eat as it now makes me feel sick. (I've always been just above underweight, but scared I might become underweight)
constant headache
complete loss of sex drive, no masturbation/horniness for weeks.
struggling to get and maintain a strong erection.
loss of sense of time, everything in the past seems double the length of time away. (e.g something I did yesterday feels like 2 days ago, 1 week feels like 2 weeks.)
and lastly, all of these symptoms are seriously affecting my college work, I'm sleeping in and missing college days.
I am now 18 years old, and really just want to get over this quickly. My family has no medical history of mental health problems, yet still I feel the fear of developing something serious. Sometimes I doubt my existence, relate to the matrix etc, but I know that isn't true.
So, should I take the pills? I just want this worry to go away so that I can take my life back. I also read I can't drink when on Citalopram, which isn't too much of an issue, but I do like to party every couple of weekends.
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, I'm very greatful for any responses, and would really just like a diagnosis, and treatment.
Thanks again.
Edit: should add death is my second biggest fear behind going insane, so suicidal thoughts/actions are not an issue for me. At least not yet.