How has your problem affected your relationships?

[xgraceex]

I just thought I would post this thread, as I have been curios about this for a while. Because of my own depression/anxiety and agoraphobia, I have fallen out with family members, and had 2 long-term partners break it off with me, and I am only twenty! It also means that I am not very trusting after that :( is anyone else in the same boat and finds it hard to keep relationships healthy as well as your own mental health/problems? I have a lovely father and a lovely boyfriend now, and they have really been there for me and accepted me. But the fear that I will lose them because of my own demons scares the hell out of me. Hope this is okay to ask here - Grace

[puppyskin]

My family are great they understand because my dad has it too,My 18 year relationship broke down 4 years ago and i have not dated since..that's how it affected my life,i was 40 this year and it felt like i was 20 just last week....don't let this illness control your life.

[Rachy-Rach]

Yes my anxiety has an effect on my relationship but I have come to accept my anxiety as part of me rather than something to fight against. I know my husband finds it frustrating at times as he likes to "fix" things and he can't fix this. However, he is very supportive and would never leave me because of my anxiety.

My anxiety took hold when we first got together about 5 years ago and he was 100% there for me then - I don't know how I would have got through those times without him! And he's still here for me now, except now, he's my husband :-)

In relationships, if they're in it for the long run they will accept you for you. Therefore I wouldn't worry that you feel you lost two previous boyfriends because of anxiety because I think the relationships would have ended for another reason otherwise. If they love you and want to be with you they stay no matter what, love and marriage means partnership, not jumping ship when it's gets rocky.

The only other person I have been truly open with about my anxiety is my Mum who again has been 100% there for me. Unless people really love you, they can't understand why you don't just pull yourself together and get on with it but it's not that simple.

Is that the sort of reply you were looking for?

All I can say is I have an anxiety problem and I am so very happily married. It's not easy. I don't want to drive him crazy with my anxiety but sometimes I do. That's life. But real love accepts that and loves you anyway xx

[*Luthien*]

Hey! Yes I have had problems with my anxiety and people in my life. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 and a half years but we did actually break up for 8 months after 5 years together. This is when I had actually got diagnosed with GAD and we were living together for the first time, so a lot of things triggered my anxiety then. He couldn't deal with it because he is the exact opposite of me in how he thinks! He is very logical and rational. He always just takes life as it comes and of course it was very hard for him to understand me. We were younger then and we broke up because that's what we thought was best. But it turns out that I needed him to be the positive 'force' in our relationship and we got back together and are really happy. We are travelling Australia at the moment and of course I still get pretty bad sometimes, but at least now he has read more about it and is more understanding. And I don't push him away as much.
As long as you are with someone who is willing to love you no matter what, good or bad then that's what is most important!

As regards to my family, they all understand because my mother suffers from it as well. But I find that this also makes it hard to talk to them sometimes, because they've had to deal with it all before and I almost don't want to burden them. I love my mum but I can hardly confide in her sometimes because she just makes it worse by worrying as well!! :huh:

I am 26 years old and have always been an anxious person, but I find it really easy to make friends. However, I find it hard to keep anyone truly close. I used to get bullied a lot (emotional and mental bullying that could only happen in a all girls school!!) and this has definitely affected me. I have a good group of friends who I can talk to and they are all aware of GAD but I don't like to bother them with it. Which is one thing I find hard, because it would be really lovely to have that closeness with friends but I think I never will.

Sorry for the essay. Just thought that I would share this with you and let you know that yes, I do think it affects relationships with people around you but at the end of the day, what's important is that you have the right people in your life, you'll soon find out the ones who aren't worthy of your friendship or love. :hugs:

*Luthien*

[Rennie1989]

My Mum likes to pretend I don't have a problem, my Dad has told me that he will never understand, my 16 year old brother doesn't understand, my family are none-the-wiser, some of my friends know I have anxiety and depression but only my closest friends know some of the details. My fiancé knows a lot about my health, partly because he used to have depression years ago and I am very open to it about it. Unfortunately he is the only one I can talk to which makes me believe my health puts a strain on our relationship, especially when I'm really ill he has to do EVERYTHING.

[AndrewNolan]

Hi

I had my first attempt at a relationship last year (I was 27 at the time). I guess I've always suffered from anxiety to some level but last year it turned into GAD. Anyway I struggled on alone with my anxiety for months, not realising what was happening to me. I lost my relationship as I was unable to control my own anger and frustration and also in fairness because my gf (who insisted on keeping our relationship secret) also kept lashing out at me every time I said something that upset her - which of course led to my anxiety increasing.

Ultimately I sought professional help but by the time I received it I lost my girlfriend, my friends and the life I'd built up for myself. I've returned home now to North Wales as I was living and working away in Blackpool at the time.

A tough decision and I'm still completely cut-up and obsessive about how things turned out up in Blackpool but all I can do is learn the lessons from my time up there and hope that one day I form a relationship with someone who can see and appreciate me despite my anxiety :-)

Andrew

[Iced_diamond]

Hi there, it can be difficult to maintain a relationship when you suffer from anxiety or depression. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, but we have our ups and downs because of my anxieties. Because he cannot relate to how I am feeling, he gets short tempered with me easily when I talk about my anxieties. I have tried to explain to him that it's difficult for me and that I'd rather not have what he calls 'neurotic' feelings and thoughts. Although sometimes I drive him completely nuts with the way I am, we always manage to be friends again in the end. :) He does kind of understand, but he just finds it hard to accept that I can't be quite as carefree as him. The thing is, we're all different-every one of us. We all have our ways and habits and characters and we need to find someone who is not identical to us, but who will be understanding and supportive of who we are. Just the same as we would be towards them. It could just be that maybe you haven't found the right person in the past. But it seems you have a good relationship going for you now, which is great. :) The key is to be open and honest about how you're feeling. With any luck the other person will be understanding-generally people like to help other people, especially if they love them or are close to them. But, I think that the help also has to be accepted and that you have to promise to try-that's what I often say to my boyfriend as well, if I am anxious or worried about something. I find this helps us recover and move on a little more every day. It's definately important to have people in your life who support you and are there for you. I wish you all the best and hope that you enjoy your new relationship. :yesyes:

[xgraceex]

Thank you for all the amazing answers everyone, I have sat here and read them all and it has made me feel a little better, less alone in this. My boyfriend is really supportive and he DOES all the right things, but often says the wrong things! He is rather blunt and to the point at times, and when i am low I often cant handle the truth. but I am glad I am not the only one xx