MM
05-03-13, 18:57
Hi guys, sorry in advance for the extremely long post!
I'm only 18 years old, but I feel like I have put up with more than a lot of people have at this age. I have had full-blown health anxiety, depression, panic disorder and general anxiety disorder. Everyday I woke up and I didn't want to leave my bed and I was obsessed with the fear of dying. I was dizzy constantly, lightheaded, my heart raced to over 140, I had chest pains, skipped beats, I was shaking at times, I believe I had derealization for days at a time and I always felt like I was going to fall over if I got up. I had awful stomachaches daily, numbness in my hands and fingers, back pain, loss of appetite, and I had panic attacks at least every other day. I lost interest in everything I cared about - friends, music, accumulating knowledge. I was wrapped up in the idea that I had some sort of awful sickness that was slowly killing me. And yes, I know that's a lot.
In July, I ended up in the emergency room. I had gotten extremely (more than usual) fainty and lightheaded. I felt nauseous, and my heart raced and skipped. I thought for sure that I was going to die. In a few hours they let me go because everything was perfectly normal.
After then I had many tests- ECGs, echo, VNG, MRI of my brain, ultrasound of my gallbladder and liver, and blood tests. Everything was normal, and that got me very frustrated because at first I had a hard time believing my doctors. Every single doctor said, "it's anxiety, you're healthy."
For some reason I am particularly good at breaking habits. For example I used to bite my nails for years before one day I decided completely that I was going to stop, and I stopped for more than a year before I started again (which I then decided to stop, and succeeded again). I think anxiety is very much like that in a sense. Yes I wanted it gone but I also wasn't really ready to do that. With biting my nails I had to really, consciously, decide, that I wasn't going to do it anymore. With anxiety, I got in the habit of thinking these awful thoughts, I got in the habit of staying in bed and thinking that it's the end, I got in the habit of looking up every little health problem on Google, but never did I think these were habits that I could potentially get over like I did with biting my nails.
In mid-November, I took one habit at a time and decided enough was enough. I started with not looking my symptoms up on Google. That in itself is extremely difficult, (as you may or may not know), but after awhile I stopped thinking about heart disease or any other improbable diseases that I could have. Next I started getting back into music, recording songs, playing piano and guitar. That kept my mind busy from intrusive thoughts. I told myself the next time I thought "What if" I'd throw on headphones and try to point out every instrument that was playing in a random song. That kept me busy and changed what I was thinking about very quickly.
Now needless to say my symptoms were still there. They were still bad. I felt dizzy listening to music and playing instruments. I still had random skipped beats that startled me. However, I haven't had a panic attack since I stopped googling, and those intrusive thoughts went down considerably.
By January, all my symptoms were less persistent. As in, a lot of them weren't as bad anymore. Now, I don't get chest pain anymore. Although still dizzy, I can get out of bed without feeling like I'm going to fall over with every step. My heart skips only a few times a month, and I still haven't had a panic attack since mid-November. I still get daily stomach pains, but I'm going to a doctor specifically for that only. The vicious cycle of worrying about my symptoms (which made them a lot worse) was finally over, and looking back I feel so much better now than I did before.
Now, habits are hard to break and once you do break them, (as you might know) they can come back. However, once you've succeeded once it's much much easier to do it again. I think what made me succeed is that I didn't think " I'll just stop googling tomorrow" or for whatever habit it was. I decided right then and there that's it. Closed the screen. Never went back to that. I didn't "reward" myself to 10 minutes of googling symptoms if I managed to last a few days without it. No, I just never did it again (and yes, that was extremely difficult to do at first).
I think that if you read all the way this far, you should be extremely proud of yourself. (Well, you should be proud of yourself for everything you do, really). You stuck to something. You devoted yourself to do something for a small period of time, and guess what, that means you are fully and completely capable of sticking to your (maybe new) goal of breaking a habit. You should decide to stick to it right now, and soon you will break it.
Thanks to everyone.
I'm only 18 years old, but I feel like I have put up with more than a lot of people have at this age. I have had full-blown health anxiety, depression, panic disorder and general anxiety disorder. Everyday I woke up and I didn't want to leave my bed and I was obsessed with the fear of dying. I was dizzy constantly, lightheaded, my heart raced to over 140, I had chest pains, skipped beats, I was shaking at times, I believe I had derealization for days at a time and I always felt like I was going to fall over if I got up. I had awful stomachaches daily, numbness in my hands and fingers, back pain, loss of appetite, and I had panic attacks at least every other day. I lost interest in everything I cared about - friends, music, accumulating knowledge. I was wrapped up in the idea that I had some sort of awful sickness that was slowly killing me. And yes, I know that's a lot.
In July, I ended up in the emergency room. I had gotten extremely (more than usual) fainty and lightheaded. I felt nauseous, and my heart raced and skipped. I thought for sure that I was going to die. In a few hours they let me go because everything was perfectly normal.
After then I had many tests- ECGs, echo, VNG, MRI of my brain, ultrasound of my gallbladder and liver, and blood tests. Everything was normal, and that got me very frustrated because at first I had a hard time believing my doctors. Every single doctor said, "it's anxiety, you're healthy."
For some reason I am particularly good at breaking habits. For example I used to bite my nails for years before one day I decided completely that I was going to stop, and I stopped for more than a year before I started again (which I then decided to stop, and succeeded again). I think anxiety is very much like that in a sense. Yes I wanted it gone but I also wasn't really ready to do that. With biting my nails I had to really, consciously, decide, that I wasn't going to do it anymore. With anxiety, I got in the habit of thinking these awful thoughts, I got in the habit of staying in bed and thinking that it's the end, I got in the habit of looking up every little health problem on Google, but never did I think these were habits that I could potentially get over like I did with biting my nails.
In mid-November, I took one habit at a time and decided enough was enough. I started with not looking my symptoms up on Google. That in itself is extremely difficult, (as you may or may not know), but after awhile I stopped thinking about heart disease or any other improbable diseases that I could have. Next I started getting back into music, recording songs, playing piano and guitar. That kept my mind busy from intrusive thoughts. I told myself the next time I thought "What if" I'd throw on headphones and try to point out every instrument that was playing in a random song. That kept me busy and changed what I was thinking about very quickly.
Now needless to say my symptoms were still there. They were still bad. I felt dizzy listening to music and playing instruments. I still had random skipped beats that startled me. However, I haven't had a panic attack since I stopped googling, and those intrusive thoughts went down considerably.
By January, all my symptoms were less persistent. As in, a lot of them weren't as bad anymore. Now, I don't get chest pain anymore. Although still dizzy, I can get out of bed without feeling like I'm going to fall over with every step. My heart skips only a few times a month, and I still haven't had a panic attack since mid-November. I still get daily stomach pains, but I'm going to a doctor specifically for that only. The vicious cycle of worrying about my symptoms (which made them a lot worse) was finally over, and looking back I feel so much better now than I did before.
Now, habits are hard to break and once you do break them, (as you might know) they can come back. However, once you've succeeded once it's much much easier to do it again. I think what made me succeed is that I didn't think " I'll just stop googling tomorrow" or for whatever habit it was. I decided right then and there that's it. Closed the screen. Never went back to that. I didn't "reward" myself to 10 minutes of googling symptoms if I managed to last a few days without it. No, I just never did it again (and yes, that was extremely difficult to do at first).
I think that if you read all the way this far, you should be extremely proud of yourself. (Well, you should be proud of yourself for everything you do, really). You stuck to something. You devoted yourself to do something for a small period of time, and guess what, that means you are fully and completely capable of sticking to your (maybe new) goal of breaking a habit. You should decide to stick to it right now, and soon you will break it.
Thanks to everyone.