rosesarered
06-03-13, 16:45
Hi,
I'm rosesarered and I have had anxiety for a few years. I was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety in 2010 when I was 16 (I'm now 18, 19 in the summer) and at first, the anxiety was mild and didn't interfere too much with me leading a normal life. Now skip forward to 2012 and everything has changed. The anxiety has gotten a lot worse. I've dropped out of college twice, I'm no longer confident, I struggle with every day things such as going out. My friends have disappeared either through me pushing them away or just generally drifting apart after high school finished.
Currently, I study with the OU which means that at the moment, I don't actually have to leave the house. I'm on my first module which does not have an exam but I am well aware that my next one does. I would love to be able to go to tutorials and things but at the moment, I can't. I can leave the house on my own and walk a short distance to the nearby, quiet park. I really struggle with being in crowded situations which has completely baffled me - although I didn't exactly like crowds before (but who does?!), I was never scared of them. Now I'm terrified. I can't do anything other than short walks because I feel sick to my stomach (and I have a phobia of being sick which doesn't help) dizzy, my heart starts pounding.
I just want to be able to lead an as-normal-as-I-can life again and get back to how I used to be and not being able to do the things that most people my age can do is seriously frustrating me which in turn isn't helping with my moods. I've spent the majority of the last few years in complete denial but now I can see that I do have a problem and I do need help with that.
I have visited my GP before when I was originally diagnosed but I haven't been to see my doctor since late 2011 mainly because now I'm too terrified to go. I hate doctors at the best of times and even when the anxiety wasn't this bad, I still worked myself up into a state so every time I think about the doctor, I immediately panic and end up talking myself out of it.
When I was originally diagnosed, my reason for visiting the doc was because I was advised to do so after I collapsed and after a few months with a few doctors visits because the dizziness wasn't getting any better, it was put down to anxiety and I was also diagnosed with depression. Last time I saw my GP, I wasn't exactly willing to accept there was anything wrong with me but at that point, I was able to lead a fairly normalish life (able to go out with friends and things) so I assumed that I knew best and there wasn't anything wrong with me which meant I refused any help they offered. I know now that it was completely the wrong thing to do because there obviously was something wrong and things have just got progressively worse from there.
I really don't know what to do next. I'm miserable, frustrated and I desperately want my life back but I'm not quite sure how to go about achieving that. I suppose the first step is the doctors, isn't it? I am worried (possibly unnecessarily) that because I refused help last time, they won't take me seriously this time.
Thank you so much to anyone who has read this, I realise that it's a rather long post.
rosesarered
I'm rosesarered and I have had anxiety for a few years. I was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety in 2010 when I was 16 (I'm now 18, 19 in the summer) and at first, the anxiety was mild and didn't interfere too much with me leading a normal life. Now skip forward to 2012 and everything has changed. The anxiety has gotten a lot worse. I've dropped out of college twice, I'm no longer confident, I struggle with every day things such as going out. My friends have disappeared either through me pushing them away or just generally drifting apart after high school finished.
Currently, I study with the OU which means that at the moment, I don't actually have to leave the house. I'm on my first module which does not have an exam but I am well aware that my next one does. I would love to be able to go to tutorials and things but at the moment, I can't. I can leave the house on my own and walk a short distance to the nearby, quiet park. I really struggle with being in crowded situations which has completely baffled me - although I didn't exactly like crowds before (but who does?!), I was never scared of them. Now I'm terrified. I can't do anything other than short walks because I feel sick to my stomach (and I have a phobia of being sick which doesn't help) dizzy, my heart starts pounding.
I just want to be able to lead an as-normal-as-I-can life again and get back to how I used to be and not being able to do the things that most people my age can do is seriously frustrating me which in turn isn't helping with my moods. I've spent the majority of the last few years in complete denial but now I can see that I do have a problem and I do need help with that.
I have visited my GP before when I was originally diagnosed but I haven't been to see my doctor since late 2011 mainly because now I'm too terrified to go. I hate doctors at the best of times and even when the anxiety wasn't this bad, I still worked myself up into a state so every time I think about the doctor, I immediately panic and end up talking myself out of it.
When I was originally diagnosed, my reason for visiting the doc was because I was advised to do so after I collapsed and after a few months with a few doctors visits because the dizziness wasn't getting any better, it was put down to anxiety and I was also diagnosed with depression. Last time I saw my GP, I wasn't exactly willing to accept there was anything wrong with me but at that point, I was able to lead a fairly normalish life (able to go out with friends and things) so I assumed that I knew best and there wasn't anything wrong with me which meant I refused any help they offered. I know now that it was completely the wrong thing to do because there obviously was something wrong and things have just got progressively worse from there.
I really don't know what to do next. I'm miserable, frustrated and I desperately want my life back but I'm not quite sure how to go about achieving that. I suppose the first step is the doctors, isn't it? I am worried (possibly unnecessarily) that because I refused help last time, they won't take me seriously this time.
Thank you so much to anyone who has read this, I realise that it's a rather long post.
rosesarered