View Full Version : How do you explain your GAD to non-believers?
There have been a few instances in my life where I've met some supremely ignorant people who think I can cure myself of 15 years of GAD by simply "pulling yourself together". This ignorance is heartbreaking stuff, especially when it's exhibited by someone trusted. Yesterday for example, my friend and I went to a concert. He ran up the arena stairs to find our seats. I tried to catch up and had a minor asthma attack. "You don't need your inhaler," he said, "A bit of exercise to build up your lungs and you'll be over it. It's all in your head". I asked him if he thought my GAD was something fictional too, and he just smiled and said nothing. I've had the same reaction from previous employers, university lecturers, and well educated people who ought to know better.
Part of me wonders whether it's the stigma of mental health problems, and confronted by someone with one, people might be freaking out a bit or finding it easier to bury their heads in the sand. I'm not looking for their sympathy, just for them to show a bit of understanding. Maybe I'm explaining GAD badly? I choose who I reveal my condition to very carefully, which is perhaps why their sceptical replies hurt. How do you explain GAD to people with no experience of it? :shrug:
Sunshine77
08-03-13, 09:32
I asked that question on here a couple of months ago as I was finding it really difficult to explain. Someone advised me to ask the person to recall the most frightened they have ever felt in their lives, and then imagine feeling like that all the time. I have used this a couple of times since and it's worked ok.
"It's all in your head" is an expression used by people with NO understanding of the power of the mind over the body. Some people are naturally more empathetic than others, I find - some will try and understand, others will not. Sounds like your friend falls into the latter category I'm afraid.
That's the beauty of this forum - we all get each other.
Rennie1989
08-03-13, 11:26
People often ask why I am anxious. I don't really know myself but I tell people that I was bullied at school and that's how the panic attacks started. People think I am still in the past and not letting go, yet 10 years later I have changed from a thirteen-year-old student to a mature adult who lives with her fiancé. It's hard to explain to people that when I get anxious it's because my head makes up scenarios of the worst possible outcome of a normal situation and I have no confidence in myself. Some people think I'm being a drama queen and think that I should be able to 'snap out of it' and be 'normal'. What people forget is that I REEEEEEALLY want to feel normal again, I'm fed up of going to work like I'm going to an exam, I'm fed up of taking anti-depressants, I want to be like everyone else.
Sorry, mini rant. Unfortunately people don't see anxiety or depression as a real illness but a sign of weakness. If people were more open minded and understanding I think I wouldn't be in half the mess I'm in now.
Thank you Sunshine and Rennie. Your answers made me feel quite a lot better about things! :)
Rennie, I think people probably have the same opinion of me. Thank goodness you wrote what you did. I feel exactly the same way you do. It was a relief to see someone else put down in words what was in my head. I didn't choose to have anxiety, I'd love to be off the pills and just be "normal". It's something I'm working towards. My target obsessed boss would be thrilled to know I've set myself a goal she's not had to fill in paperwork for, lol.
Sunshine, you're right, this forum is a godsend. Despite the figures saying that so many people suffer from anxiety, I don't know of anyone else who's admitted to suffering from it. It can be awfully lonely to have anxiety. Maybe I'm surrounded by fellow GAD people and they're just too scared to admit a problem. You guys are open, honest and helpful. Perhaps if more people were like that, it wouldn't be seen as such a weakness.
The whole "it's in the head" thing sounds just like my father. Recently we talked about stuff my brother did to me when I was growing up. I got brave enough tel tell my father that "it affected my self-esteem". His answer to that was "well you've built that up over the years since then". At that point I knew he will never get it ever - and even if he did he'd never admit it. When I first talked about my issues (that have been brought on through emotional abuse in my childhood; mostly by 2 of my brothers) inititally both he and my mother were supportive. Then I rang a week later to carry on the conversation but they totally blanked me. He's lost interest altogether basically.
It is right that some people just dont understand. I work with someone who has little jibes at me occasionally about me seeing a counsellor. As if to say I'll get too reliant on them & then wont be independent. Its actually quite the opposite; I see my counsellor so I can work safely on stuff & feel independent. yes I need her but that's because I want to keep myself away from situations I'll find too difficult to deal with alone. My colleague sometimes makes me feel guilty. Its ridiculous she can do that to me & I fight it in my mind. Hmmmn back to the power of the mind again!!! I'd love to shut up my "old messages" & I am working on them, but our minds are like computers. They get programmed as we grow up. Trying to change that programming (and the automatic thoughts/feelings that go with it) is really not easy, though it can be done in time.
Hope this helps; I love this site too. Initially I was a bit wary but now I feel totally at home here like everyone is my friend or my family. They make me feel supported and so much better about myself. Its also lovely to be able to share ideas with others & support them to.
It upsets me so much when people say "pull yourself together" and suchlike. I remember once someone at work describing a colleague as "having another depression holiday" because they were signed off work depressed. They wouldnt' say that if someone was signed off with a broken leg or something else that they could see.
These people are ignorant and because they've never experienced anxiety, panic attacks, depression, whatever, they have absolutely no idea how it feels.
This forum is a lifeline as it's full of wonderful people who know how painful things can be.
Oh tell em to ****off ! Yep not very lady like BUT I'm sick of people not 'getting it" but making comments to me (Or other fellow sufferers) and expecting me to do this and that and I simply can't!
Sunshine made the best answer to this & ask someone to recall their most scariest and terrifying experience, is the best idea. But it depends who it is, if it's a relative who's constantly giving you the "pull yourself together" or other useless c***, I'm sorry but they don't deserve an explanation, just a :redcard:. This subject really, really angers me especially those that are family or supposed friends- who should know better OR just leave the comments in their heads -manners.
Sunshine77
08-03-13, 21:46
Hear hear Col!!! :emot-highfive:
If I tell anyone that I am anxious and suffer with panic attacks, they look at me as though I am making it up, rolling their eyes. Or worse, they think I am crazy.....
I think, well I told them and if they can't handle it, that is their problem not mine.
There have been a few instances in my life where I've met some supremely ignorant people who think I can cure myself of 15 years of GAD by simply "pulling yourself together". This ignorance is heartbreaking stuff, especially when it's exhibited by someone trusted. Yesterday for example, my friend and I went to a concert. He ran up the arena stairs to find our seats. I tried to catch up and had a minor asthma attack. "You don't need your inhaler," he said, "A bit of exercise to build up your lungs and you'll be over it. It's all in your head". I asked him if he thought my GAD was something fictional too, and he just smiled and said nothing. I've had the same reaction from previous employers, university lecturers, and well educated people who ought to know better.
Part of me wonders whether it's the stigma of mental health problems, and confronted by someone with one, people might be freaking out a bit or finding it easier to bury their heads in the sand. I'm not looking for their sympathy, just for them to show a bit of understanding. Maybe I'm explaining GAD badly? I choose who I reveal my condition to very carefully, which is perhaps why their sceptical replies hurt. How do you explain GAD to people with no experience of it? :shrug:
I don't think you can explain it, they have to experience you with it.
---------- Post added at 23:12 ---------- Previous post was at 23:11 ----------
If I tell anyone that I am anxious and suffer with panic attacks, they look at me as though I am making it up, rolling their eyes. Or worse, they think I am crazy.....
I think, well I told them and if they can't handle it, that is their problem not mine.
This.
Panic Manic
09-03-13, 06:24
I haven't told anyone about my mental health struggles (although, pretty vocal online). My close family knows now. I had to write them a letter explaining how I was feeling along with a print sheet of the DSM IV criteria for the disorders and explain and hightlight for them to understand. I had given them the letters and left the room, no way could I stay in the room well they were reading them.
Thank you again everyone for these insights. Like I said before, it can be very isolating being the only one dealing with GAD. It's nice to see I'm not the only one :)
Something which gave me a wry laugh was on Facebook. Friends and colleagues have been merrily posting "Let's show mental health awareness" pictures - I'm sure those of you on FB have seen the sort of thing, but I can't post it here because I've not hit 10 posts yet.
And yet, they are the very ones who have not contacted me and maintained radio silence when I've tried to contact them. Sigh.
Oatcake, I've gave up trying to cover it so I've told all my office workmates, family & friends and if they don't like it well thats their hard luck! I just hope they never have to suffer this GAD
Oatcake, I've gave up trying to cover it so I've told all my office workmates, family & friends and if they don't like it well thats their hard luck! I just hope they never have to suffer this GAD
Skoosh, but what isn't there to like, gosh people:wall:. This exactly why I get more and more angry about when you've got GAD and panic attacks and they judge you, don't believe it quite to be that bad - you see I'm 31 but my parents still try to be very controlling & my mum thought it was a big fat excuse soo didn't attend a BBQ , my dad was quite simply humiliating, didn't get it and made me more stressed out by causing trouble in the family - than ever before so we didn't speak last year for 6 months or soo -ohhhhhhhh so cross:mad:
Your right though,I used to care about people's reactions - stuff em :bighug1:
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