scared

[mila]

I didn't know what else to title my post :-( It seems a recurrent topic for me.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I used to at least be ok with general illnesses like colds and stuff and handle it ok, but since this relapse into anxiety i have not been handling anything well.

For the past few days I've been feeling pretty rubish- sore throat (which by the way feels worse today!), feeling really achy but achy like stiff and sore not so much flu type achy, more like really physically aching shoulders and neck and back to a lesser extent. It's all tender to pressing, it is painful when I turn my head, more on one side. Just moving my neck and shoulders is really painful. And my partner tried giving me a massage and it was hurting even more, now it feels even more sore. Also have a headache. I don't have temperature which comforts me a bit, but still doesn't stop me from imagining things. I saw a doctor yesterday and i told her I was worried about meningitis because of my neck and she said it defo is not that. Seems just like a virus. But as it usually happens with me my throat started feeling worse after I've seen her.

I used to get really typical colds and lately it's been anything but typical, and i find it so hard to cope with. I never had a virus where i have a sore throat and feel like i've been run over but my nose feels absolutely fine and if you see me you wouldn't ever think i'm sick¬

I am suppose to be going away on wednesday morning and got so much to do and can't believe this is happening to me now, i feel so crapy that it feels like i'll never feel better.

[sparkle_1979]

I can't offer advise but read my post about viral arthritis I'm the same I feel sore

[mila]

Thanks Sparkle for at least posting that. I don't feel like that though. My shoulders and neck seem to feel better now since i've had a more gentle massage with some menthol and ibuprofen gel and a relaxing hot bath with some oils last night. Not fine but really surprisingly better.

But the headache was there this morning, the kind of dull headache i get sometimes when i don't sleep well or sleep in a warm room or maybe sleep in an akward position.

And now that has turned into this pulsing, sqeezing ache on one side, mostly around temple and worse if i move.

I have this hazed out feeling in my brain, like when i feel the sqeeze my brain is sqeezed too, not literally, the sqeeze doesn't feel that deep, but just mentally sqeezed, like blacked out a bit in a way, if that makes sense, i get this tense feeling like i don't even wanna move my neck, my head or anything, i just stiffen up to protect myself.

I keep taking paracetamol, it's been doing some good in the past days but i also feel sick.

I am sorry, sometimes i think i just incoherently ut out there everything i feel, and maybe it doesn't always come out right. I am sure there are people that will read this and wonder why i am so worked up. I wish myself i would be able to deal with this much better, but I can't. I am in tears (which will not help) terrified this headache is something terrible and i will fall down and what is my son going to do...
I know i still got a bit of sore throat and i think a bit of stuff in my sinuses (not sure) ut it could be and could be the reason for headache. But what if it's not...

We are going away on wednesday morning, and it is a very stressful trip actually, it's a whole story for itself, but i need to be very strong to pull this off and dont need things like this really cause i am sure being there will bring up lots more stuff. I am going back home, haven't been in 3 and a half years, i used to suffer really bad panic and anxiety there and also my partner and son are going for the first time and a few people in my family do not approve of my choice of partner and will not want to see us, so you can sort of imagine how that may affect me.

I could also have some really good time, but I feel anxiey will never let me, that's how everything was before. And right now when I have so many thing to do, to get ready, I am here petrified and crying wondering if my head is gonna split open on one side or if it's just stuff inside that will explode.

I try to think what people feel when they have migraines, or bad headaches, i can'r really comprehend it, because this seems bad enough to me, can't imagine ot could be worse. I have a close friend who has MS and i often try to think of her, how brave she is and all the things she is feeling and dealing with and still tryng to live to the best of her ability and look at me, every little ache and weird feeling and i am defeated, i am in tears, horrified what is happening to me.

Last evening we went to tesco and i was having this brain feeling i was describing above and the same thing with my vision, like my fiedl of vision shrinks, like even that stiffens up in fear, and i was feeling like i am walking on a field of jelly, like my feet are falling through the floor, i just couldn't focus and just wanted to run out and run away.
So now after that and with this headache I am too scared to even move from this computer let alone go out and do what i need to do.

[mrsnobody]

iam sorry you feel so bad. could you try going to the out of hours doctor

[mila]

I think if i could i would go to the doctors every single day!
Do you think something is wrong with me? I cant get to the out of hours doctor now and if i was to tell my parter i want to go to out of hours doctor he would be really disappointed with me. I'vebeen to the doctor 2 days ago, and last week, and probably the week before that...
My temple and area around my eye brow and below eye, next to my nose and on scalp on that side is tender when i press, the other side not.
I mean if i don't move and just be still i don't feel almost anything, it's when i move if i bend down, walk up the stairs.. has anyone felt this? does it sound like sinus headache? on one side though? Please......

[mrsnobody]

to be honest ive been in your shoes- still am somedays. i worry about my health, i dont believe what doctors say to me and i look for faults. i worry bout other stuff too ie. stuff thats on the news, storys in real life magazines- iam sure you know the ones i mean.

i have got myself in such a state a get funny heart beats or they feel funny to me, hot flushes, panic and vomiting etc.

---------- Post added at 13:23 ---------- Previous post was at 13:21 ----------

it does sound like a virus and this can affect your sinus area etc

---------- Post added at 13:25 ---------- Previous post was at 13:23 ----------

i use a salt water nasel spray from chemist ( got a picture od dolphin on it) and it tends to help

[mila]

It's exactly what I'm like! I don't believe them. If i do tests and they are fine, i belive it but when i go and they just decide by looking at me and maybe doing a few checks that there is nothing wrong with me or tell me it's something that doesn't make sense to me, i don't believe them. And it's funny how often just after visiting the doc my symptom either gets worse or a new one pops up! Or i forget to mention something and that then gets worse.
I use that spray a lot too, cause i do often get problems with post nasal drip and sinuses. I usually get just facial tenderness.
But i don't do very well with headaches and things to do with my head, dizziness and things like that, anything that feels funny really.
I would generally feel much better than yesterday if it wasn't for this symptom... I don't feel like i have a virus. Just maybe post nasal drip again and irritated throat. But of course it seems lately that I can't have peace, if it's not this, then it's that. I would not get so worked up if it felt like usual tension headache, all over. But when it's only to one area like this, it's scary.

[mrsnobody]

you havent been on a long car journey or bending down alot have you??

as this can sometimes make you feek like that as it makes the fliud in yours ears move.

it is scary but ive been told that things will get better and there is alot of helpful people on this site and very good advice

[mila]

MrsN, thank you so much for your replies! It means a lot to know someone is listening.

[mrsnobody]

how are you feeling today??