Im back.... Thank you Health Anx... C-Word/M.E PANIC Help :(

[Carly Lou]

Hey... Im back... Or should i say my HA has reared its horrid horrid ugly head... Im absoloutly obsessed with cancer and M.E again....
The light headedness has come back, feeling anxious,sweating,shaking had my first panic attack in 8 months and was absoloutly convinced i was having a heart attack... Ambulance was called.... horrified with myself when as soon as they arrived i started to calm down...
I just dont know what to do :( headache for a whole week and then was sick on thursday... headache persisted... for 3 WHOLE days so decided with the light headedness and headache i had a brain tumour... that passed and now im obsessed with ME... all because i have had pins and needles in my feet every now and then..... now.... i go to the toilet and decide theres a bloody mucus in my stools.... im trying to be rashional and think its the sweet and sour from last night but.... anxiety has said CANCER....:weep: I cant snap out of it... im thinking about it constantly... i cant control my fear and find myself googling even tho i know i shouldnt even be thinking about doing that because ofcourse i have every symptom for about 5 different cancers... i just dont know what to do anymore.... 3 years ago i was like this and it absoloutly ruined my life until i started on mirtazapine... ive been off it for a year and have been fine, i just dont want to go back to how bad i was, having scans for this and that, blood tests just about everything.... i have been feeling so well, so so well... and then this year its all just got out of control again... I have diazepam for when im really struggling but i dont want to start relying on it... i do have a new prescription for mirt again... its just making myself take it... when i went to the docs worrying about ME last week he said everything was fine and i need to start cbt again... to try and get back to how i was last year.... being normalish.... i wish so much i could go back to how i used to be... i never worried about anything.... but now its constantly on my mind... the worry of another new symptom... the worry of what if i do have ME or cancer but i just hasnt been diagnosed :(
im 27 and i feel as tho my little 4 year old is missing out on his mummy because im obsessing im seriously ill and am always feeling unwell with some sort of issue...

Scared and want to enjoy life... :weep:

Carls xxxx

Any advice or just anything reassuring would be so appriciated...

[Darbysa]

Carly

So sorry you are feeling this way. I know how it feels to think you have beaten this and then Wham!, it comes right back at you. I wouldn't feel bad about restarting your meds. It doesn't mean you've failed, just that you need that help.

Your headache and sickness is more than likely to be a virus. There's a lot of nasty bugs around at the moment. You don't need me to tell you that google is not the answer. Your doctor doesn't think you have anything wrong with you and logic (ok, I know it's hard to be logical) should tell you that at your young age the likelihood of anything serious is extremely small.

Maybe starting the CBT again is a good idea. It obviously helped you before and could help you again. You have beaten this before and you can again.

I really do sympathise with you and wish I could offer some better words of comfort. I've been there and I know how it feels. Just focus on the fact that this is all down to anxiety and is just a blip. You've recovered before and you can do it again. Take the offer of help from your doctor.

Hope you feel better soon.

Sal x

[Carly Lou]

Oh thank you so much for your reply Sal.... Ive even had to speak to my ex partner and ask him how did i behave when i was like this before, hes been very reassuring and said this is exactly how i was before but i was alot worse than this.... thank god for him really and i never thought id say that... Ha..
i really have to tell myself it is anxiety but its hard.... especially when you can feel physical symptoms.... i think the headache is what set me off so bad this last week, because it just wouldnt go and then started imagining all kinds of things :( xx
the lightheadedness and feeling weak sets me off on ME/cancer trail... and i KNOW this was a sign of anxiety last time.... arrgghhh should listen to my own thinking really!! xxx