Carly Lou
09-03-13, 16:22
Hey... Im back... Or should i say my HA has reared its horrid horrid ugly head... Im absoloutly obsessed with cancer and M.E again....
The light headedness has come back, feeling anxious,sweating,shaking had my first panic attack in 8 months and was absoloutly convinced i was having a heart attack... Ambulance was called.... horrified with myself when as soon as they arrived i started to calm down...
I just dont know what to do :( headache for a whole week and then was sick on thursday... headache persisted... for 3 WHOLE days so decided with the light headedness and headache i had a brain tumour... that passed and now im obsessed with ME... all because i have had pins and needles in my feet every now and then..... now.... i go to the toilet and decide theres a bloody mucus in my stools.... im trying to be rashional and think its the sweet and sour from last night but.... anxiety has said CANCER....:weep: I cant snap out of it... im thinking about it constantly... i cant control my fear and find myself googling even tho i know i shouldnt even be thinking about doing that because ofcourse i have every symptom for about 5 different cancers... i just dont know what to do anymore.... 3 years ago i was like this and it absoloutly ruined my life until i started on mirtazapine... ive been off it for a year and have been fine, i just dont want to go back to how bad i was, having scans for this and that, blood tests just about everything.... i have been feeling so well, so so well... and then this year its all just got out of control again... I have diazepam for when im really struggling but i dont want to start relying on it... i do have a new prescription for mirt again... its just making myself take it... when i went to the docs worrying about ME last week he said everything was fine and i need to start cbt again... to try and get back to how i was last year.... being normalish.... i wish so much i could go back to how i used to be... i never worried about anything.... but now its constantly on my mind... the worry of another new symptom... the worry of what if i do have ME or cancer but i just hasnt been diagnosed :(
im 27 and i feel as tho my little 4 year old is missing out on his mummy because im obsessing im seriously ill and am always feeling unwell with some sort of issue...
Scared and want to enjoy life... :weep:
Carls xxxx
Any advice or just anything reassuring would be so appriciated...
The light headedness has come back, feeling anxious,sweating,shaking had my first panic attack in 8 months and was absoloutly convinced i was having a heart attack... Ambulance was called.... horrified with myself when as soon as they arrived i started to calm down...
I just dont know what to do :( headache for a whole week and then was sick on thursday... headache persisted... for 3 WHOLE days so decided with the light headedness and headache i had a brain tumour... that passed and now im obsessed with ME... all because i have had pins and needles in my feet every now and then..... now.... i go to the toilet and decide theres a bloody mucus in my stools.... im trying to be rashional and think its the sweet and sour from last night but.... anxiety has said CANCER....:weep: I cant snap out of it... im thinking about it constantly... i cant control my fear and find myself googling even tho i know i shouldnt even be thinking about doing that because ofcourse i have every symptom for about 5 different cancers... i just dont know what to do anymore.... 3 years ago i was like this and it absoloutly ruined my life until i started on mirtazapine... ive been off it for a year and have been fine, i just dont want to go back to how bad i was, having scans for this and that, blood tests just about everything.... i have been feeling so well, so so well... and then this year its all just got out of control again... I have diazepam for when im really struggling but i dont want to start relying on it... i do have a new prescription for mirt again... its just making myself take it... when i went to the docs worrying about ME last week he said everything was fine and i need to start cbt again... to try and get back to how i was last year.... being normalish.... i wish so much i could go back to how i used to be... i never worried about anything.... but now its constantly on my mind... the worry of another new symptom... the worry of what if i do have ME or cancer but i just hasnt been diagnosed :(
im 27 and i feel as tho my little 4 year old is missing out on his mummy because im obsessing im seriously ill and am always feeling unwell with some sort of issue...
Scared and want to enjoy life... :weep:
Carls xxxx
Any advice or just anything reassuring would be so appriciated...