noriejune
11-09-06, 15:57
hello my name is nora... I am 38 years old and can remember being two and having panic attacks over fear of vomiting. How can it be normal for a two year old to worry about eating too much and throwing up?
It has gotten so much worse over the years... I guess when you get older and start to realize just how many things can make you sick.
I have been sick four times that I can remember in my life... I know of an occasion I can't remember I was eighteen months old and my mother told me about it.
My dad was shocked when I finally told him what was behind my severe panic attacks. He told me I always seemed to handle being sick better than the rest of my siblings. No way I was just so terrified I became paralyzed. My parents always wondered ... but I hid it from everyone... I guess I thought it would make it worse if anyone knew... or maybe I worried they would try to help me... by making me sick or getting sick in front of me... UGH!
I was 23 before I could even use the words vomit, puke, hurl or any other word that expressed sickness. I would always just say I don't feel well. Even now writing or using these words brings me great discomfort an awful panicky feeling.
I made it through having children with a lot of scars... and even though I love children I have a real struggle not to abort each of my children when morning sickness set it. I would have done anything to stop the feeling of nasuea... I wore those sea bands throughout the entire pregnancy and even beyond.
Last December they (the kids) brought home yet another stomach flu... and I got sick for the first time is fifteen years... I pulled out a shotgun from the closet and was trying to figure out how to use it before I actually vomited. The only shells I could find for it were light game load and I am so ignorant of guns I feared it wouldn't kill me and I would end up still living... So I just froze in fear. I spent the next twelve hours in agony... just overwhelming fear. It took days for me to be able to even speak... I was almost catatonic ... please forgive all my spelling errors...
Just this last August my children brought home ANOTHER stomach flu and I went beserk... I must have looked posessed by demons... I crawled out the bedroom window and actually headed for the emergency room. I couldn't speak my throat tightened and I stuttered so badly they actually laughed at me... They stuck me in a room to wait for the dr. and then I was able to cry out that I was an emetaphobic... and that I needed help or I was going to kill myself... that I am not suicidal but I need help that I would rather die than to continue to live like this.
Again the dr. just sat there with this amused look on his face and almost laughing at me... he wanted to give me something to relax me but I stuttered that I was afraid to take medicines that I don't want to get sick from them... then he told me about this medicine (Ativan) and gave me a half of mg of its generic form lorazapam... then he gave me a half hour and came back and said I was still too tense. He gave me another half mg... This is a medicine that they give chemo patients to prevent naseau and VOMITING! There are a lot of other uses for it also... but I just needed it for an anti vomiting drug. THERE IS A GOD! [^]I left there relaxed for the most part but really doped up... I drove to a motel and took the prescribtion to the pharmacy... then I took that for the next week.
I went home the next morning but I have no memory of that entire week really... I just know what my family told me... apparently I went to the store an bought cleaning supplies and cleaned the house all day saturday.
Now I can't get a dr. to give me anymore of that medicine... I don't want to live on it... I just want to use it when I need it... I am back to not being able to leave my house. I was doing so good over the previous two and a half years... I was forcing myself to get out and go places... I started going to church... and going grocery shopping even out to eat in a restuarant sometimes... sure I had a great
It has gotten so much worse over the years... I guess when you get older and start to realize just how many things can make you sick.
I have been sick four times that I can remember in my life... I know of an occasion I can't remember I was eighteen months old and my mother told me about it.
My dad was shocked when I finally told him what was behind my severe panic attacks. He told me I always seemed to handle being sick better than the rest of my siblings. No way I was just so terrified I became paralyzed. My parents always wondered ... but I hid it from everyone... I guess I thought it would make it worse if anyone knew... or maybe I worried they would try to help me... by making me sick or getting sick in front of me... UGH!
I was 23 before I could even use the words vomit, puke, hurl or any other word that expressed sickness. I would always just say I don't feel well. Even now writing or using these words brings me great discomfort an awful panicky feeling.
I made it through having children with a lot of scars... and even though I love children I have a real struggle not to abort each of my children when morning sickness set it. I would have done anything to stop the feeling of nasuea... I wore those sea bands throughout the entire pregnancy and even beyond.
Last December they (the kids) brought home yet another stomach flu... and I got sick for the first time is fifteen years... I pulled out a shotgun from the closet and was trying to figure out how to use it before I actually vomited. The only shells I could find for it were light game load and I am so ignorant of guns I feared it wouldn't kill me and I would end up still living... So I just froze in fear. I spent the next twelve hours in agony... just overwhelming fear. It took days for me to be able to even speak... I was almost catatonic ... please forgive all my spelling errors...
Just this last August my children brought home ANOTHER stomach flu and I went beserk... I must have looked posessed by demons... I crawled out the bedroom window and actually headed for the emergency room. I couldn't speak my throat tightened and I stuttered so badly they actually laughed at me... They stuck me in a room to wait for the dr. and then I was able to cry out that I was an emetaphobic... and that I needed help or I was going to kill myself... that I am not suicidal but I need help that I would rather die than to continue to live like this.
Again the dr. just sat there with this amused look on his face and almost laughing at me... he wanted to give me something to relax me but I stuttered that I was afraid to take medicines that I don't want to get sick from them... then he told me about this medicine (Ativan) and gave me a half of mg of its generic form lorazapam... then he gave me a half hour and came back and said I was still too tense. He gave me another half mg... This is a medicine that they give chemo patients to prevent naseau and VOMITING! There are a lot of other uses for it also... but I just needed it for an anti vomiting drug. THERE IS A GOD! [^]I left there relaxed for the most part but really doped up... I drove to a motel and took the prescribtion to the pharmacy... then I took that for the next week.
I went home the next morning but I have no memory of that entire week really... I just know what my family told me... apparently I went to the store an bought cleaning supplies and cleaned the house all day saturday.
Now I can't get a dr. to give me anymore of that medicine... I don't want to live on it... I just want to use it when I need it... I am back to not being able to leave my house. I was doing so good over the previous two and a half years... I was forcing myself to get out and go places... I started going to church... and going grocery shopping even out to eat in a restuarant sometimes... sure I had a great