WembleyBear
11-03-13, 12:27
Hi everyone
I'm suffering from severe early morning anxiety at the moment, I wake about 5am (an hour and a half before I need to get up) with what I can only describe as the 'jitters'. I feel full of dread for the day and restless, agitated even though I'm attempting to lie still. It's only come on in the last couple of weeks and I know there's negative thinking involved, but no amount of trying to think rationally, go with it or deep breathing makes any difference. It gets better as the day progresses and I can go home, and by early evening I feel normal and like I can take on the world. But the next morning it's like my brain just resets, and this continual cycle of rapid mood swinging is exhausting me.
I have a new job after being made redundant and it's only part-time but I have convinced myself that it's not working out and they'll probably sack me soon for under-performance. After a year of waiting to hear about my last job, I was relieved to go in the end. Now I have loads of stress about my new work! My current situation is: live with partner, am treasurer for our local (very busy) village hall, work 3 days a week at main job, studying 2 modules for my degree with Open University, and volunteer one day a week in a local primary school (I'd like to do teacher training once I complete my degree - it's a happy part of my week, but wondering if my nerves could stand the pace of being a teacher :-( if way I feel at moment is anything to go by). My father has been in and out of hospital 25 miles away - 20 weeks out of the last year in total and I travel twice a week to visit him. I also have hypermobility syndrome (causing pain in my neck joints) and IBS-C. I also have bad guilt around my sexuality as although I've accepted it, I grew up in a very religious family and they don't - they just ignore it (and my partner most of the time). Any attempts at addressing it in conversation are ignored or brushed off.
I am currently on Amitryptiline 50mg at night, which my doctor switched me to from Dosulepin 75mg (this had suited me very well and kept the anxiety at bay), and this does not seem to have as good an effect on anxiety and makes me groggy in the mornings if I take it too late in the evening. I have previously tried Cipramil (horrid side effects, anxiety much worse), Dutonin (good but drug was withdrawn), Lustral/Sertraline (much worse anxiety), Prozac (no effect), Paroxetine (mood fell through floor on this one, felt almost suicidal), Fluanxol (gave me inability to remain still, hilarious and frightening at the same time!)
There is 8 month wait to see counsellor on NHS where I live, saw a CBT counsellor privately but could only manage 3 sessions as it cost £80 a session!
Sorry for the enormous missive, but I'm really not sure where to turn at the moment or what to do next but I'm going to the GP on Thursday this week and wanted some kind of plan as they all seem a bit reluctant to help at my surgery (probably fed up with me going in - I'm sure they think I'm hypochondriac).
So, two questions after all that background:
1) Can anyone recommend any drug still available that might be of use to me? I don't seem able to take the SSRI/SNRI type and I can't afford not to go to work because of the side-effects.
2) Can anyone recommend a recorded Progressive Muscle Relaxation track that I can buy/download? I've had good results from this in the past, but if I try to do it unguided, my mind wanders terribly and it takes me ages to do! I'm looking for something 15-20 minutes in length so I can do it twice a day, with some soothing music in the background. There seem to be plenty of guided imagery/meditation tracks available but they don't do it so much for me. I found a few PMR tracks on older (pre-2008) threads on here but they mostly had annoying background sounds or were too long (> 25 mins).
If you've made it this far through my waffle, I hope you won't think I terribly self-absorbed, really want to sort this all out so I can enjoy my life again and make others happy too and stop feeling so useless.
All comments appreciated!
Martyn
I'm suffering from severe early morning anxiety at the moment, I wake about 5am (an hour and a half before I need to get up) with what I can only describe as the 'jitters'. I feel full of dread for the day and restless, agitated even though I'm attempting to lie still. It's only come on in the last couple of weeks and I know there's negative thinking involved, but no amount of trying to think rationally, go with it or deep breathing makes any difference. It gets better as the day progresses and I can go home, and by early evening I feel normal and like I can take on the world. But the next morning it's like my brain just resets, and this continual cycle of rapid mood swinging is exhausting me.
I have a new job after being made redundant and it's only part-time but I have convinced myself that it's not working out and they'll probably sack me soon for under-performance. After a year of waiting to hear about my last job, I was relieved to go in the end. Now I have loads of stress about my new work! My current situation is: live with partner, am treasurer for our local (very busy) village hall, work 3 days a week at main job, studying 2 modules for my degree with Open University, and volunteer one day a week in a local primary school (I'd like to do teacher training once I complete my degree - it's a happy part of my week, but wondering if my nerves could stand the pace of being a teacher :-( if way I feel at moment is anything to go by). My father has been in and out of hospital 25 miles away - 20 weeks out of the last year in total and I travel twice a week to visit him. I also have hypermobility syndrome (causing pain in my neck joints) and IBS-C. I also have bad guilt around my sexuality as although I've accepted it, I grew up in a very religious family and they don't - they just ignore it (and my partner most of the time). Any attempts at addressing it in conversation are ignored or brushed off.
I am currently on Amitryptiline 50mg at night, which my doctor switched me to from Dosulepin 75mg (this had suited me very well and kept the anxiety at bay), and this does not seem to have as good an effect on anxiety and makes me groggy in the mornings if I take it too late in the evening. I have previously tried Cipramil (horrid side effects, anxiety much worse), Dutonin (good but drug was withdrawn), Lustral/Sertraline (much worse anxiety), Prozac (no effect), Paroxetine (mood fell through floor on this one, felt almost suicidal), Fluanxol (gave me inability to remain still, hilarious and frightening at the same time!)
There is 8 month wait to see counsellor on NHS where I live, saw a CBT counsellor privately but could only manage 3 sessions as it cost £80 a session!
Sorry for the enormous missive, but I'm really not sure where to turn at the moment or what to do next but I'm going to the GP on Thursday this week and wanted some kind of plan as they all seem a bit reluctant to help at my surgery (probably fed up with me going in - I'm sure they think I'm hypochondriac).
So, two questions after all that background:
1) Can anyone recommend any drug still available that might be of use to me? I don't seem able to take the SSRI/SNRI type and I can't afford not to go to work because of the side-effects.
2) Can anyone recommend a recorded Progressive Muscle Relaxation track that I can buy/download? I've had good results from this in the past, but if I try to do it unguided, my mind wanders terribly and it takes me ages to do! I'm looking for something 15-20 minutes in length so I can do it twice a day, with some soothing music in the background. There seem to be plenty of guided imagery/meditation tracks available but they don't do it so much for me. I found a few PMR tracks on older (pre-2008) threads on here but they mostly had annoying background sounds or were too long (> 25 mins).
If you've made it this far through my waffle, I hope you won't think I terribly self-absorbed, really want to sort this all out so I can enjoy my life again and make others happy too and stop feeling so useless.
All comments appreciated!
Martyn