JackInTheBox
14-03-13, 01:26
This one is a classic!
Being a rather complicated man, I tend to create obsessions with the strangest things. Plus when the obsession appears it is very hard to get rid of, but we are getting there!
So, for today's special we have the "impending doom" feeling!
I get this very often and for the weirdest reasons since I was a teenager. For a long time I was at loss about what to think about it. Didn't made sense at all.
Since I started tackling my disorders (starting with that bitch that was HA) I took a fresh look at this unpleasant sensation.
I don't know about you guys, but I get this for the weirdest and most absurd reasons:
-Leaving the house
-Traveling by car or by train or by airplane or by boat or on foot...only depends on the means of transport for the day
-Going out at night
-crossing the street
-taking a shower at that specific time
...it goes on long enough even for me to know that it is ridiculous!
It can happen without any warning or specific trigger and make my inner life miserable! I will obsess with the matter until I undertake (or avoid) the feared action...imagine the joy with plane trips bought months before :P
Sometimes I manage to man-up and do the feared action (trip, shower, go outside), other times I admit to succumb to it and avoid it. This has costed me money and life experiences over time.
Basically what I call (or think it must be) impending doom sensation is nothing more, nothing less than being assaulted by an incredible fear of death/catastrophe that will occur if I undertake the "action". So yes, I sometimes fear my shower because I dread slipping, falling and dying. I sometimes fear train/plane trips because I obsess with accidents or bombs on them. For a time I feared jogging because I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die on the park. And sporadically I fear driving (or dying due to an accident), which is quite funny/ridiculous in real-life because I collect classic cars and I do races on the "amateur" championships as a hobby.
On my defense I do have a few "traumatic" episodes loosely related with my "fears":
-When I was a kid, I slipped and fell on the shower, banged my head against the faucet and was really lucky with the consequences.
-As a teenager I lived on a complicated area and usually had to fight for my sneakers or baseball cap whenever I came to the street
-As young adult, I had a really bad accident with one of my cars, got out without a scratch but easily could have died, the car spent almost a year being renovated.
-A acquaintance of mine died while jogging on the gym
Even so, I don't find these fears to be rational or even remotely consistent with trauma response. I'm not coherent with this stuff, one day I'm scared of driving, on the next day I'm burning rubber on the highway for fun. And yes, the same happens with the shower!
I did however found a relation between anxiety and these fears. Thinking back I think I'm more prone to obsess with this stuff in times of great anxiety.
For instance, I have a train trip to do in 2 days and I have been obsessing with it the whole week, don't know why, it's a short ride and yet I keep thinking some catastrophe is going to happen and I'm going to die :P Like I said this has happened many,many times before. On the other side, my startup company is applying to venture capital and we are waiting for an answer, plus we have some major project deadlines for the end of this month and I'm very anxious over the whole thing.
So, anxiety and impending doom over train trip. Maybe there is a relation here?
Anyone has any ideas over this? Did any of you guys tackled this before?
Sorry for the long text but I needed to get things into to context.
Being a rather complicated man, I tend to create obsessions with the strangest things. Plus when the obsession appears it is very hard to get rid of, but we are getting there!
So, for today's special we have the "impending doom" feeling!
I get this very often and for the weirdest reasons since I was a teenager. For a long time I was at loss about what to think about it. Didn't made sense at all.
Since I started tackling my disorders (starting with that bitch that was HA) I took a fresh look at this unpleasant sensation.
I don't know about you guys, but I get this for the weirdest and most absurd reasons:
-Leaving the house
-Traveling by car or by train or by airplane or by boat or on foot...only depends on the means of transport for the day
-Going out at night
-crossing the street
-taking a shower at that specific time
...it goes on long enough even for me to know that it is ridiculous!
It can happen without any warning or specific trigger and make my inner life miserable! I will obsess with the matter until I undertake (or avoid) the feared action...imagine the joy with plane trips bought months before :P
Sometimes I manage to man-up and do the feared action (trip, shower, go outside), other times I admit to succumb to it and avoid it. This has costed me money and life experiences over time.
Basically what I call (or think it must be) impending doom sensation is nothing more, nothing less than being assaulted by an incredible fear of death/catastrophe that will occur if I undertake the "action". So yes, I sometimes fear my shower because I dread slipping, falling and dying. I sometimes fear train/plane trips because I obsess with accidents or bombs on them. For a time I feared jogging because I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die on the park. And sporadically I fear driving (or dying due to an accident), which is quite funny/ridiculous in real-life because I collect classic cars and I do races on the "amateur" championships as a hobby.
On my defense I do have a few "traumatic" episodes loosely related with my "fears":
-When I was a kid, I slipped and fell on the shower, banged my head against the faucet and was really lucky with the consequences.
-As a teenager I lived on a complicated area and usually had to fight for my sneakers or baseball cap whenever I came to the street
-As young adult, I had a really bad accident with one of my cars, got out without a scratch but easily could have died, the car spent almost a year being renovated.
-A acquaintance of mine died while jogging on the gym
Even so, I don't find these fears to be rational or even remotely consistent with trauma response. I'm not coherent with this stuff, one day I'm scared of driving, on the next day I'm burning rubber on the highway for fun. And yes, the same happens with the shower!
I did however found a relation between anxiety and these fears. Thinking back I think I'm more prone to obsess with this stuff in times of great anxiety.
For instance, I have a train trip to do in 2 days and I have been obsessing with it the whole week, don't know why, it's a short ride and yet I keep thinking some catastrophe is going to happen and I'm going to die :P Like I said this has happened many,many times before. On the other side, my startup company is applying to venture capital and we are waiting for an answer, plus we have some major project deadlines for the end of this month and I'm very anxious over the whole thing.
So, anxiety and impending doom over train trip. Maybe there is a relation here?
Anyone has any ideas over this? Did any of you guys tackled this before?
Sorry for the long text but I needed to get things into to context.