Taking a step up: wish me luck

[NoPoet]

Hi all,

I have now to come to understand how fear has always held me back in life and how it keeps slowing my recovery. Thanks very much to the forum members who have helped me through this and thank you also to Claire Weekes, who is still guiding lost people home after all these decades.

I've always been treated as the weird outsider who didn't connect with people and who was either brain damaged or somehow deficient. My therapist has helped me to realise that yeah, being aspergers makes things difficult for me at times, but I was gifted with skills that I've never been trained to use and I have never had encouragement because no-one understood me.

Since receiving behavioural therapy for aspergers, I can watch whole films at 3x normal speed and understand everything, even technical language (although I don't because it destroys the tension and disconnects me even more from other people!).

I find that technology, especially the crap we use at work, tends to slow me down to the point where I just don't see the need to bother. My Nintendo DS reading program won't rate my reading speed because it thinks I'm cheating. My brain is always writing novels and instructional guides, I can never switch it off, and when I harness it, my work rate becomes frightening. Why the hell am I scared of myself?

The list of things I can do goes on and on and on, and it means I don't fit in the everyday world. I am worried I sound arrogant, but what else can I do?

I walked up to a senior manager today and told her, "I love the people I work with but my job is driving me insane. I'm clever, I'm a very good problem solver, but I can't use any of my skills in this job and I don't think you are seeing anything like the best of me." I said I didn't mean to be rude or arrogant but everything seemed to be holding me back and slowing me down.

They're training new teams to be technical problem-solvers and she's going to see if she can break the rules for me and get me onto one of these teams. She said she's going to try to get me back on full-time hours with a good shift, not the horrible rota with 11-hour days and 9pm finishes every day.

She said that she does think I need special treatment because of my skills (and disadvantages - my talk-time is way too high because I never shut up!), and since I have special requirements but can match them with some highly-developed skills, I might find out within a few days or weeks if they're gonna do something for me, or I have to apply for a new job.

Sorry to vent, I just need to do this every so often. Thanks for reading.

[Mark13]

I genuinely wish you luck with your work.

Like you I have to work part-time because of my "disabilities". I do have a degree of brain damage due to hydrocephalus.

I empathise with you especially given that I also told my bosses "it upsets me that you just aren't seeing the best of me".

I'm a square peg in a round hole at the minute, although HR are looking to get me a move.

So I feel for you and wish you all the best.

[theharvestmouse]

Well done Poet, hope you get a new role that suits you better.

[kittikat]

Good luck Psychopoet :yesyes:

But wow, I think my son could have written that post, it sounds exactly like him...and I am worried now...he has had his issues in the past but will not admit to anything...how do I get him to see I really think he has a problem that needs resolving and or diagnosing? He is so very guarded and that frustrates me.

Sorry, I had to have my rant too...I really do wish you all the best. Kitti :)

[NoPoet]

Hi everyone, thank you for the encouragement :D

Mark13 - I wish you all the best and hope your bosses do what they can to support you. Everyone is different, you are working hard in spite of a disability so you are doing a lot more for the company than some people who work there will be!

Harvestmouse - Hi mate, thanks! How are you getting on these days?

Kittikat - If he's aspergers, or has aspergers traits, he probably has problems communicating ideas and feelings to other people. Maybe it's because he won't be able to interpret your response properly since he may not have been given the innate ability to read people - their emotions and their intentions - but he can learn.

If he's young, you should speak to a doctor about maybe referring him on for a diagnosis? Aspergers/autism is not an illness, it's a set of characteristics, so you could call it a personality type. Try the test on www.autism.com (http://www.autism.com) as that can provide a rough guide to what's going on and they provide very useful support by email which give hints and tips.

Try cutting gluten out of his diet as much as possible as this can have a big impact on his behaviour and make him feel more "normal". Also give him omega-3 supplements unless he is not allowed to take them for medical reasons - look for something with high EPA as it might help him control his shifting moods.

Also bear in mind that if he is highly intelligent, he may be an independent thinker who is hard to relate to unless you get used to how he thinks "outside the box" - particularly if he's aspergers. If our brains are like car engines, his has a few extra cylinders and two turbos. He may struggle with others because his mental process will be so highly-tuned (and uncontrolled) he will simply out-think them.

When I was partway through infant school, I had a reading age of about 12 and was very far ahead of everyone else. I never got the support I needed, so make sure your son does as you don't want him to end up like me.

If he can be taught to harness his potential, then when he turns his mind to something, he will be totally uncatchable. He deserves a life of brilliance, not anxiety or accepting second-best. PM me if you need more advice and maybe let him read these posts.

[kittikat]

Kittikat - If he's aspergers, or has aspergers traits, he probably has problems communicating ideas and feelings to other people. Maybe it's because he won't be able to interpret your response properly since he may not have been given the innate ability to read people - their emotions and their intentions - but he can learn.

If he's young, you should speak to a doctor about maybe referring him on for a diagnosis? Aspergers/autism is not an illness, it's a set of characteristics, so you could call it a personality type. Try the test on www.autism.com (http://www.autism.com) as that can provide a rough guide to what's going on and they provide very useful support by email which give hints and tips.

Try cutting gluten out of his diet as much as possible as this can have a big impact on his behaviour and make him feel more "normal". Also give him omega-3 supplements unless he is not allowed to take them for medical reasons - look for something with high EPA as it might help him control his shifting moods.

Also bear in mind that if he is highly intelligent, he may be an independent thinker who is hard to relate to unless you get used to how he thinks "outside the box" - particularly if he's aspergers. If our brains are like car engines, his has a few extra cylinders and two turbos. He may struggle with others because his mental process will be so highly-tuned (and uncontrolled) he will simply out-think them.

When I was partway through infant school, I had a reading age of about 12 and was very far ahead of everyone else. I never got the support I needed, so make sure your son does as you don't want him to end up like me.

If he can be taught to harness his potential, then when he turns his mind to something, he will be totally uncatchable. He deserves a life of brilliance, not anxiety or accepting second-best. PM me if you need more advice and maybe let him read these posts.

Thank you so much for all that information, he is not a youngster as such and he goes to work, but has always been 'different' some how.

I will have a look at the link and see if this relates to his behaviour in any way...but what you have said in your post definitely rings alarm bells. He gets very frustrated and angry at times too and has been on citalopram in the past...I saw an instant change in him at that time, but he decided he was better after 4 months and came off them cold turkey. I will certainly PM you if I need any more advice. Thanks.

Once again, thank you very much and I wish you well :hugs: x

[NoPoet]

No problems. Note that cit can cause behavioural changes - I went through a period of rage and anger (mostly showing as road rage and impatience). You can master those things even if they're medically induced.

The lyrics to "Butterflies and Hurricanes" by Muse might reflect how your son feels about himself. Also bear in mind some forms of autism are harder to diagnose in adults as they learn the skills that they weren't born with.

[theharvestmouse]

I'm doing Ok Poet, I've also learned a lot about myself in the past couple of years and its helping me deal with the anxiety, I'm on the right track now.

[kittikat]

No problems. Note that cit can cause behavioural changes - I went through a period of rage and anger (mostly showing as road rage and impatience). You can master those things even if they're medically induced.

The lyrics to "Butterflies and Hurricanes" by Muse might reflect how your son feels about himself. Also bear in mind some forms of autism are harder to diagnose in adults as they learn the skills that they weren't born with.

The changes in him were positive ones on the cit :shrug: but we are big Muse fans here so I know the song well, I never thought of relating it to him, however, Crawling by Linkin Park was his theme tune at one point!

I hear what you say about being harder to diagnose in adults too.

Thanks again, and sorry to hijack your thread :doh: