View Full Version : I just needed to post this.kindly read.
I don't really know where to start except to say I have been thinking of writing a thread about my and my family's exact position as I sit here today.
We all perceive what we think of various posters position with regards to mental illness, as it is an illness .Some are struggling day to day, others through no fault of their own panic about every conceivable thing and others focus on a particular angst and us experienced sufferers so often know all the symptoms that we all go through,but time and time again our mind plays tricks on us, and the panic sets in or in some cases returns after a period of relatively a good quality of life whilst offers are completely cured.
I come over to many people as a blunt,heart on my sleeve person who (to some) has a good sense of humour,but that is not me at all.
I am now in my sixties and have suffered GAD,OCD for 30 years on and of, and as I grew older HA and as some of you may have read,my daughter has been ill for the best part of a year and one of her ailments is not curable and it crease me up to see a pretty 25 year old girl in such distress. She can't work, is tied to her mothers apron strings and it is quite understandable, and my wife is torn between the two of us.
We have been thinking of returning to England for some time now and my daughter's health and to an extent my own mental state could hopefully be treated better in our homeland,yet in my case I haven't been back in 12 years and in fact haven't left my house for a year bar going to the doctor or dentist.
We have to plan this move like a military operation as I can't fly and in fact find walking down the street a tremendous task as if i had climbed a mountain, and more often than not 20 yards is all I can manage.
I panic in my own home especially if the occasional person comes to visit, even though I am pretty heavily sedated.
I can't take SSRI's as they give me urine retention and I know that to be a fact as I have seen a urologist and had my enlarged prostate checked but it is benign.
My stress levels are increasingly daily as my wife has taken our daughter to every conceivable specialist and an internist,but she is no better.
I am anxious for sure,also stressed which I feel throughout my body but I would say sad not depressed .I am not looking for sympathy but having been out of the loop for so long it would be nice to know the alternative help that my daughter and I could get when we get back in 5 weeks.
All my daughter's problems seem to be a hormone in balance and a constant migraine and many of her problems are primarily women's problems.
I don't want to go into too much detail,but just needed to get this written down on paper.
One person on NMP has befriended me despite having major troubles of their own, and for that I am truly grateful.
Thank you to those who have read this post.
I just want to say goodluck to you and ur daughter and I really hope you can both find the answers you are searching for :hugs:
My heart goes out to you and your family ricardo :hugs:
I hope you find the inner strength that we all have hidden inside somewhere to face all this and do the right thing for yourself and your loved ones.
I am sure all here will agree we are with you 100% and I hope that is of some comfort to you at this difficult time.
Much love, Kitti :bighug1: xx
Hello Ricardo
Writing what you have done is a very big step you have taken and for that you have shown that you have got great inner strength a lot of people who don't have any kind of Mental Illness would have crumbled long ago just buy having a child being ill.
But you have shown what your true worth and with suffering on/off for 30 years.
My heart goes out to you and your family ricardo :hugs:
I hope you find the inner strength that we all have hidden inside somewhere to face all this and do the right thing for yourself and your loved ones.
I am sure all here will agree we are with you 100% and I hope that is of some comfort to you at this difficult time.
And I agree with what Kittikat has said.
Come her mate have a :bighug1:
You have great inner strenght and you will be able to do this, it could give you some independence and stability at the same time.
I think you will surprise yourself.
I wish you a safe and pleasant journey, it could be the first day of the rest of your life.
I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Sarah.x
Ricardo, the only thing I can maybe give some insight into is regarding your daughter... if you're all convinced that her migraines are hormone related, then please look into her levels of progesterone. Is she on any hormone medication?
I have suffered, and I mean suffered to the extreme, with debilitating migraines, headaches, alongside many other symptoms such as tingling, numbness in my face, head, forehead.. associated dizziness, to name but a few.. this went on for over 2 years until we made the connection between the headaches and Norethisterone, which was the progesterone half of my HRT. I'd been on many medications for the headaches, and had cranial osteopathy.. absolutely nothing had an effect, apart from stopping the Norethisterone - and the headaches just stopped.
I get the odd one now, but they're more normal headaches than the horrific ones I was getting.
I am under the care of a menopause clinic, which I presume is available in most NHS hospitals.. I know your daughter is probably too young to be needing this kind of clinic, but there is probably an age-appropriate one for her.
I would happily put you in touch with my lady doctor from there who might be able to point you in the right direction for the area you're thinking of coming to live in the UK.
If you'd like any further help, or to talk, please don't hesitate to pm me.
theharvestmouse
15-03-13, 21:58
Hi, I wish you the best of luck in moving back, it takes courage to take a decision like that so well done.:)
Wishing you and your daughter the best of luck with all that you both are going through. :hugs:
ElizabethJane
15-03-13, 21:59
Dear Ricardo I am sorry that I haven't taken time to get to know you. I'm really just saying 'hello'. I can relate in the sense that I have had a long and enduring mental illness and I regard myself as 90% cured. Your agoraphobia and OCD might seem crippling now but with help and support i'm sure you have the capacity to be well again. I have been to the Endocinology Unit at the North Middlesex Hospital in London. I don't remember whether it was NHS or a private referral. They have the expertise there to deal with hormonal problems. I wish you well. I often a 'lurker' now and don't often post but I am often on here. EJ
It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, I wish you all the best. Sometimes it helps to get things off your chest.
Ricardo, I wish there was more that I could do to help you. I hope that the move goes well for you and your family. I know this is going to be really difficult for you and I hope you find the strength and courage to get through it. :hugs:
katyjohnstone
15-03-13, 23:15
thinking of you and wishing you all the best.pass on my regards to your family
May the wind be at your back
AuntieMoosie
16-03-13, 00:35
Ricardo I know just how difficult that must have been for you to write.
It's very true that many of us know nothing of the struggle some of us are going through on a daily basis.
I, like you, are near totally debilitated by anxiety at times, although I am making headway with CBT4PANIC which is giving me, at least, some relief.
I'd normally say to try and break things down into bite sized pieces, but I know that you're not in a position to be able to do this as you're under pressure of time, which is a different ball game.
It's heartbreaking for any parent to witness their child being ill and suffering, and I just hope so much, that once you get back to the UK, more help will be available for her and for yourself.
You are embarking on a rocky road right now and there's going to be twists and turns as you go, but just try your very hardest to ride with it and keep telling yourself that for each thing you achieve, you are nearer to your goal.
I think that once you get over the initial move and all that that involves, you will feel calmer and more in control again.
I'm here for you every step of the way, morning, noon or night, take care my friend, keep your chin up, you're doing so well in such difficult circumstances and you deserve every bit of support and comfort that you can get :hugs: :hugs:
Hi Ricardo,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a stressful time. Be sure to ask for the support that you need to get you through a period of change and adjustment. You have a lot of friends on here who would be more than happy to support you through this transition.
It might be helpful for you to view your recovery in terms of anxiety management with a view to becoming as anxiety free as possible rather than seeing a cure as something external. Focusing on small achieveable daily goals is a manageable and achievable way to work towards reducing anxiety. This is not at all easy, it can be a very scary, painful process at times. However, the progress, no matter how small brings with it confidence to progress further.
In your situation it is completely normal to be anxious and stressed. Your current circumstances are stressful and demanding, Ricardo. A move is very stressful for most people, but your circumstances increase the pressure you are experiencing. Put your CBT and coping strategies to use at this time and make plans to help your move go as smoothly as possible to avoid any additional stress.Try to focus on the positives of the move if you can, like being closer to your daughter and see it as the chance of a new start.
Allow yourself a period of adjustment to settle in to your new home, but as soon as you feel able to, make small changes to your routine in your new surroundings even if it is standing in the garden for a few minutes a day until you feel able to build up to going further. You have no associated memories as yet in your new home. It is the perfect opportunity to make a new start with small changes to your daily routine.which you can build on.
Has your daughter seen a nutritionist? A lot of the symptoms you mention can be addressed through dietary changes and supplements. Links to a few good documentaries on nutritional therapy well worth watching are below to help you to decide if this is an option
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1528734/?ref_=sr_1
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1288553/plotsummary?ref_=tt_ov_pl
I wish you well in managing and adapting the changes ahead of you. Keep us posted on your progress :hugs:
Cat x
Hi Ricardo
my goodness you have got a lot on your plate. it sounds like a move home will do all of you good. The thought of any move is stressful. But perhaps a change for progress is what's needed. Give yourself positives to focus on. Your favorite childhood meals hearing familiar accents walking in the rain ha ha ha.
We all love to knock the NHS but they do keep going till they work things out. Sometimes doctors get stuck in a mindset. As soon as a pathway gets started down in medical records all other avenues of investigation are closed. Moving alone will rectify this. UK medical professionals are likely to take a different approach and dismiss what has come before. Which may be a good thing. I for example changed doctors surgery and my notes were delayed for months. My headaches previously attributed to Aniexty and stress turned out to be a symptom of high blood sugar Diabetes. The stress caused the spikes but effected a completely separate illness previously undiagnosed.
Sounds like you and your wife are doing the absolute best for your daughter and yourselves. A happy wife and mother back at home (it never changes your nationality wherever you move) will make it easier to support you. Plus you know the support will be available for your daughter from the state for all her life.
Whatever has been tried medically for your daughter hasn't helped. It would seem your not living a quality life either. I truly applaud your bravery to improve your family's lives. Bring a bit of sunshine back with you Blighty is waiting for you with open arms Hannah x x x x
Thank you so far for all the replies
I said initially I was hesitant in even posting this thread but I have to a degree enlarge on what I said initially so that you good people can understand the situation a little more.
I am proud of my achievement in business having nearly always worked for myself and have given myself and family a pretty good life style. As mentioned in an earlier thread I lost both my parents and had a messy brief marriage all in the space of 3 years.I have a son from that marriage who is now married with two sons of his own, yet in the last 30 years I have seen him on a handful of occasions and the grand children twice,when they came over briefly to see us. I had hoped to form a relationship again with my son but it just hasn't worked out.
My wife also has a son who is nearly 40 and I have basically brought him up since he was 5, but he is autistic,lives in a bubble and though a very kind person,we all feel it a strain to be with him for long or ask him to do basic things to help us, but however I spell it out he does it his way.
My wife and I have 2 children, a son of 27 who is doing very well in high fashion clothing and manages a store in London and it looks like he will marry his partner in the next 2 years, and then there is our daughter who besides her many illnesses has absolutely no sense of direction,frequently gets lost though she is academically bright having achieved a degree in business management with a foreign language and I would say she is just not street wise at all. On the few occasions she has gone out at night we always worry that she will get back home safely. All parents to a degree worry about their kids but you have to accept that she has a real problem with directions wherever she goes.
When we move it is far more difficult than first explained.
Luckily I saw in advance the recession coming some 6 years ago and sold our house with all our furniture and have rented ever since,so we decided to buy two small apartments in outer London with a view to rent them out and give my wife and myself some income whilst still supporting our daughter.
We have no furniture just personal belongings and it's surprising how they add up and this and a hundred other things have to be dealt with and to add to our stress my wife had her purse stolen last Tuesday from a workman whilst we were in the house,and it contained her passport,credit cards and cash, and that has meant numerous phone calls as we now need a special travel document as it takes 6 weeks to get a new passport.
So we are in a situation where when we eventually arrive,we have no furniture just our belongings,taking just what we need for a few weeks, as it will be stored ,as we will have to live in the first flat for 2 weeks as the second flat only completes on the 7th.May.
I haven't got any of our kids to help organise a few decorations to the first flat,which is being rented out,nor do we have any furniture,curtains blinds etc as we can't organise various quotations as I can't rely on a drop of a hat for either of our sons to be available at any given time.
I don't want to have all this stress and I am not kidding I am literally shaking 24/7.I may seem calm when writing but there are so many obstacles to overcome and at the same time constantly worry about my daughter and all this is creating a huge stress level between us all every single day.One could cut the atmosphere with a knife.
Luckily my wife is the complete opposite to me but we differ as to where our priorities lie.
To be honest I am even panicky when on the phone to anyone as there is so much to organise but my wife as always leaves administration things to me.her forte is planning how a property should lok,she has a good eye for that and of course the welfare of our 4 dogs has also to be arranged for the travel home.
Again thanks for listening to me. I would finally add financial reward means nothing without a resemblance of quality of life.if I lived in Timbuktu or here in Marbella the anxiety situation would be the same.
Ricardo, the very fact you have decided to make this move shows a lot of strength, so you can get through this. As for the details, try to take it one step at a time (hard, I know) and not have everything buzzing round in your head at once - and vent on here when you need to x
AuntieMoosie
16-03-13, 19:44
:hugs: :bighug1: :hugs: :bighug1:
To Ricardo and family:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:xx
Ricardo, I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this right now, it is so hard for us anxious people to have any kind of change, and the fact that you are going through a big change, it is a no wonder you are feeling so stressed/anxious. I hope all goes well for you and your family, (and the dogs) I think you are going to do a great job, and we will all be here with you. :hugs:(I have to stick with my birthday buddy)
Hi again, Ricardo :)
In your last post, you raise so many points that I can relate to and empathise with. I will address point by point for clarity in an attempt to provide support and advice from personal experience without giving in to my tendency to yap on! (Scouse trait)
~ Your Achievements
You should be proud of your achievements. Your current illness will never detract from your achievements, successes or all that you are and can and will be. Don't ever forget that. To run your own business takes a huge amount of commitment, discipline and determination. Not to mention long hours and uncertain revenue. I have developed my own business in the last year, so empathise and have full respect for your longevity and perseverance through poor health and incredibly difficult (impossible) economic times.
~ Trauma & Loss
The trauma and losses that you have experienced effect you. Of course they do. But they do not define you.You have obviously developed great insight and emotional intelligence from the loss of your parents and first marriage which are deeply personal and painful. Your ability to make strong connections is a strength you have developed which has enabled you to have the meaningful connections that you currently have in your life. Give yourself credit for this. These connections are both a blessing and another achievement to be proud of. Such connections arise from a two way process that you have obviously contributed to. Be truly grateful for these relationships and nurture them. Such relationships make us richer than any money or material possessions ever could.
~Family / Relationships
Families are often more fragmented than not! Repair is possible in most cases. I'm currently experiencing a repair of my relationship with my parents. I met them recently for the first time in 2 years and our relationship is developing into a much healthier one as a result of letting go of past hurts, acceptance of differences and genuine care and concern. Do not give up hope on repairing fragmented relationships. It is very possible.
In relation to the situation with your daughter which is causing tension - broach the subject honestly. Discuss the heartache and stress with your wife. This is very likely to diffuse the tension and open up the ability for honest conversation and mutual support, which is what you both need right now.
I very much shared similarities with your current situation this time last year when anxiety and pain ruled my every waking thought. I not only survived, but thrived. I have faith in your ability to do the same. Sometimes, we need to hit rock bottom to decide that enough is enough and the only way is up. This involves change (which most of us fear), pain and ultimately, growth.
I wish you every success and believe that each day is full of endless possibilities for us all. I told myself this often when I was in turmoil until I eventually believed it and opened up to new possibilities.
A lot of these problems are perceived as insurmountable and unmanageable as a result of a crisis of confidence. You have the skills, Ricardo. Work on having faith in your abilities and building your confidence.
Be kind to yourself and believe in your abilities and strength. I wish you the best of everything :hugs:
Cat xxx
---------- Post added at 07:10 ---------- Previous post was at 05:12 ----------
P.S I watched this documentary this week. I learned, laughed and cried. I think that you might enjoy and appreciate it. It is very gritty and true to life, but so inspiring!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZNKlUmFkG4
Hi Ricardo, I really feel for you. sometimes lots of little problems can affect us just as much as one big worry. Although with the move and your daughters illness, it seems to me all your worries ARE big!!!.
I completely understand and sympathise with you about the actual flight and move, especially if you are finding it hard even to leave your home some days. I too have suffered for over 20 years, and please take some comfort from the FACT that, we have not died or had any of the horrendous things our mind tried to tell us would happen!!! You WILL be OK.
You are so fortunate that you have some where to go to when you get to London...intact you have the 'Luxury' of two lol.
Just get yourself 'Home' to London. And as long as you have a roof over your head, access to food and heating. Take a week to relax in your surroundings. he decoration etc can wait.. Take a week...make sure you eat well and build your strength. Then you can start pushing for some help from your local gp for both yourself (CBt) and for your daughter. Be assertive in asking for this help. I received cbt help, and was told it was a six week course. But I was almost aggro phobic and needed more than six weeks. S for the first time in my life I was assertive and requested more time. In the end I got nearly two YEARS of help!!! All being it was just once a month, and had 'homework' of pushing my outside boundaries by walking further distances and travelling on public transport etc.
I will be thinking of you during your return to London. Only do what you can, and prioritise. Your travel arrangements to get back home and any medication that will aid a smooth journey, should be your first priority. The rest will fall into place. You are also fortunate that your wife can take responsibility for other arrangements.. So just let her!!, ;-))))
Take care xx
Hi Ricardo , it's hard at times being a parent having to be strong for your kids, although you yourself might feel ready to crack! Good luck & best wishes X
Hello everyone.
just an update.
My daughter has got increasingly worse and the doctors think they have the answer and that the narrow bone from the sinus to the nose has grown and is touching a nerve and that is causing the nearly year long migraine and ringing in her ears.
She is having an op on Monday and have been told it is usually 90% successful, and we leave Spain Saturday week by road,ship and road again,a journey of nearly three days.
My stress levels are the highest they have ever been and being agrophobic doesn't help the situation.
We could have waited until we got back to England but then my daughter would have to wait possibly six months and I just can't see her like this amongst all her other problems.
I will still do the quiz tonight,it might take things off my mind but moving is stressful enough let alone from another country and an ill daughter .
My wife deserves a medal.
Two of our four dogs have developed cancer and they are quite old so we will have to say goodbye to them as well.
So you see I might appear to be the cheekie chappy but we are not all what we seem.
Thanks again for reading.
Hi Ricardo, I am pleased they have hopefully found an answer to your daughters problems and hope that the operation goes well and is successful.
The journey is not going to be easy for you but sometimes in these situations I think we can find strength that we never knew we had.
So sorry to hear about the dogs too :( I am sure you will have lots of happy memories of them to take with you though.
Hopefully you will bring the sun from Spain to England with you as we really need it :D
Good Luck with the quiz tonight, I am sure you will do great. :hugs:
little wren
06-04-13, 11:58
Ricardo - Just read your thread. Wishing you well on your voyage back to the UK. You have so much going on at the moment, I hope this stressful time passes quickly for you all. Wishing you all the best....x
bernie1977
06-04-13, 11:59
Good luck with the move Ricardo and fingers crossed your daughters operation is a success.
Sorry to hear about your dogs, it's hard to deal with as they do become much loved members of our familes.
I wish you well on your return to the UK
venusbluejeans
06-04-13, 14:04
A big good luck to your daughter, I hope all goes well for her and it helps some of her problems.
you are a strong man and you will get through your move,
http://img1.etsystatic.com/000/0/5842490/il_fullxfull.238301541.jpg
All the Best Ricardo:hugs::hugs::hugs:for your wife and daughterxx
Well just an update that my daughter had her operation today and the surgeon removed a septal spur from her nose measuring 3cm with an offshoot of about 1.5 cm (like a wishbone). He said he had never removed one that big and was amazed it hadn't been picked up before.
Hopefully this will end the year long migraine and photo phobia for my girl and the constant ringing in her ears.
The specialist said this is usually caused by trauma but it was pressing on nerve ends in her nose and we have no real explanation.
The next few days are crucial to see if the migraines really do disappear.I will remain positive and hopefully when we get back to England we can sort out most of her other problems (and mine)
That's excellent news Ricardo, bet your feeling relieved a little now it's over and done with. with Hope it really was that and all her head pain as now disappeared.
Once your daughter problems get sorted one by one,then you may be a little less anxious and begin to concentrate on yourself.
I wish you a safe trip back to England,and really hope it's not to stressful for you.
Ricardo, I have just caught up with this post. I am really pleased it went well and hopefully your daughter will continue to improve and be well again. That will also be one less problem for you to worry about and hopefully help your recovery. You never know this move might be just what you need to be well again.
What a relief that the docs have found a possible cause. Lets hope it is and your daughter is on the mend:bighug1:
I know you have still got quite a few hurdles on your journey homeward. Rem , no one dies from panic, take enuf meds to help you through the worst times, and eat and rest as much as you can. Practise, practise, practise deep breathing. Take care xx
Thank you for your kind words but just over48 hours on all the symptoms have returned and my wife and I let alone my daughter are devastated.
I just can't believe it.
My daughter is going back to see the specialist tomorrow as arranged and god knows where we go from here.
I second what dally has said.
Take care Ricardoxx
Thank you for your kind words but just over48 hours on all the symptoms have returned and my wife and I let alone my daughter are devastated.
I just can't believe it.
My daughter is going back to see the specialist tomorrow as arranged and god knows where we go from here.
I am so sorry, I was really hoping that this was the road to recovery for her :( Please let us know how things go when she sees the specialist. I hope he can give some more advise.
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