New fear, new hell...

[Button1]

Hi guys...

I've not been on the forum for a few weeks as I've been feeling alot better after my recent bout of anxiety (my HA has always been focused on bowel cancer and I had an episode of rectal bleeding 3 months ago, my worst nightmare) I've been on 50mg sertraline on and off for 2 years but this has recently been increased to 100mg as I just haven't been coping. I'm still dealing with the bowel obsession but it is becoming more manageable and I'm starting to be able to sleep for more than a couple of hours per night (useful as I have a 7month old!)


Since having my son I've had bouts of burning when I need to go for a wee and a bit of leakage on and off. I've had an internal exam and all looked fine but I haven't done a urine test in the past few months but I figured it was due in some way to childbirth or an infection I picked up? My baby was very big and I was left with a very weak pelvic floor. I've had some backache and feel a bit feverish now but there's no blood or anything worrying like that.My paranoia is now bladder cancer (even though I accept that I'm not a likely candidate as I'm 30 with no risk factors). My HA affects me in such a way that I go into meltdown as soon as a fear strikes me and I'm now sweating and pacing the floor. I know that I'm not going to sleep tonight. I just need some words of comfort and reassurance, please...I've been doing so well, I don't want to spiral back down again : (

[scaz]

Hi,
with a 7 month old baby the last thing you need is to panic.

Try some natural (harmless) remedies first, then go and see the doc and see if you have a water infection (normal after a baby)

Firstly, drink cranberry juice (even if you water it down a little) it helps to clear out any bladder problems. give this a few days to work and see if that helps at all, it may do the trick straight away.

Try eating natural yoghurt too, it helps with the whole lowering the PH level thing.

You're doing amazingly well, and its normal to feel out of your depth after having a baby, there is no "This is how to be a parent" book and no one warns you about stuff like this. I have 3 kids ranging from 10 to 3 and I dread sneezing in public cos of the whole stress incontinence thing!

Ask your doc about stress incontinece, and maybe ask at your gym if there are some excersizes you can do to strengthen up the muscles in your pelvis :D

with a slight fever and a burning when you pee it sounds like a bit of cystisis to me, but see a doc to be sure, the cranberry juice will help with that too.

When in doubt, the scent of your little one will help.. and baby cuddles are free remember. If you need someone to talk to, especially when people start with the "You're doing that wrong" rubbish.. I'm here ;)

[Annie0904]

Really good advise from scaz and I agree it sounds like cystitis. :hugs:

[Button1]

Thanks scaz, they were really kind words and very comforting. My leaking is a combination of things. Sometimes I'll just feel a trickle for no reason and other times it will be when I'm doing something like working out and alot will come out! I'm just scared its more than cystitis...with a baby I never have time for myself so I've just lived with it. I'm comforted by the fact that nothing more sinister has developed and I had clear blood tests a couple of months ago. I'm just in a bad place I guess and so so tired of being afraid : (

---------- Post added at 23:20 ---------- Previous post was at 22:51 ----------

You guys had really helped but I can't stop googling. How can I still be doing this on the stronger meds? What the hell does it take?!?

[scaz]

Ok take 5 minutes for you.

Baby is possibly asleep so make a coffee and have a relax.
At the moment you are not fully in control and you feel the need to control something.. am I in the right area.

You are in control hun, no one knows that little person better than you do, even the doctors will bow to your knowlegde of your own cub, while you have google up, google what time is it Eccles and simply laugh at it!

Monday morning, take little person to the supermarket and get some cranberry juice.. and some chamomile tea (helps with the nerves and sleep). You are not doing anything wrong, but you might want to speak to the doc about the slight incontinence, its nothing sinister its "I have had a baby and I'm not going to work properly" and any woman who says it hasn't happened to her has never given birth!

You sound like you have a touch of the Baby Blues too, so a natter with the Health Visitor might help

[Button1]

I feel like life is perfect or as close to perfect as it can get and I'm looking for the thing that will destroy it. My HA ironically always strikes when I'm happiest : ( at the moment I am exhausted as my beautiful boy is wonderful but alot of hard work so I'm not looking after myself. I've had a terrible 4 months of almost constant anxiety when I should be enjoying this precious time and I hate myself for wasting it with this.

Thank you for your very sweet words though, they really have helped and I'll definitely be googling anything that might make me laugh! I just have to try and make it through the night and then hope I can get a quick appointment with my doctor. She sees me every two weeks anyway as she is worried about my anxiety levels and has referred me back for more CBT...

[scaz]

new motherhood is scary, fact.
Have you got a playgroup you could both attend?

[Button1]

We have a different group for every day of the week! I'm lucky to be surrounded by a good group of mum friends though I haven't been able to talk to them about this..

[LuisaE]

It sounds like cystitis!

Also after having a baby we do have weak pelvic floors, have you done your exercises?

Was the rectal bleeding Piles? Another common symptom from having a baby, I've never had piles myself but I know many women who have during and after pregnancy.

I know exactly how you feel in regards to convincing yourself you have a serious illness. It is scary but remember we analyse every little thing and sometimes imagine new symptoms because our brain is such a powerful tool! It's a vicious circle and only you can break it. Have you tried CBT before? I did and found it helpful with learning about how the mind works and to control my breathing.

Before I had my 9 year old Son I'd never worry about anything,
Then he was born and I had PND which left me with HA and panic/anxiety attacks. I fear something happening all the time with my health right now.

Remember your hormones are still all over the place too. Becoming a mother is one of the most amazing things ever but also one of the scariest, it's natural to worry.

What do you do when you start panicking? Do you try and take your mind
Off it? I usually find watching a comedy helps, or depending on the time if its daytime I call a friend or my mum/husband who always take my mind off it. Or I go out to the shops or for a walk to clear my head.

Remember you're not alone! Please keep talking if it helps.

X

[Button1]

I have to admit, I haven't been very good at doing my pelvic floor : (

The rectal bleeding was a large fissure caused by being constipated as I stopped eating and drinking properly after my son was born. Apparently the skin can weaken after childbirth so it's quite common.


I've had CBT before but I didn't find it very helpful. I'm trying it again though as I really need to beat this, it's destroying my life : (


I didn't sleep much last night imagining tumours and dying and waking up having wet myself : (

[Janine]

Hi Button, I am glad that you have had a few weeks of feeling better since you were worried about your bowels, you were really in a bad place for a few weeks but you came out the other side and you will again. It is normal to have little things like this after child birth and your son is still not very old, try and do your pelvic floor exercises regularly and like the others said take something for cystitus and see your doctor as they will test your urine to see if you have an infection.

Try not to worry you do not want to go back to how you were, you are fine, I know it is hard but you have not got a tumour it is your anxiety kicking in again. I know you were put on some meds and they obviously have helped but it maybe that you need a little increase to get you over this blip.

xxxx

[Button1]

Thanks Janine- I bet you thought you'd seen the back of me! At least I gave you a little break : )

My doctor increased the dosage to 100mg a couple of days ago- do I need to give that some time to kick in? I feel so miserable : (

[Janine]

Button I will help you if I can, yes I think you are feeling extra anxious because of the increase, you do need to give it time to kick in, I know how miserable it can make you feel but it will help you in the end. xx