why am i too sensitive and easily hurt

[manwithnoname]

i have a very sensitive and easily hurt nature and I can't tell if this is the real me or if its something wrong with me, i just can't seem to stop feeling hurt by other peoples' comments - i think it boils down to an intense need for reassurance, it has its root in family life where my brother was always cricitising me, he just never stopped and it really got to me, i don't have any more contact with him because of this problem, i like myself having a sensitive nature but it causes me such anxiety as i don't work because of how i react to other peoples' comments

[almamatters]

i have a very sensitive and easily hurt nature and I can't tell if this is the real me or if its something wrong with me, i just can't seem to stop feeling hurt by other peoples' comments - i think it boils down to an intense need for reassurance, it has its root in family life where my brother was always cricitising me, he just never stopped and it really got to me, i don't have any more contact with him because of this problem, i like myself having a sensitive nature but it causes me such anxiety as i don't work because of how i react to other peoples' comments

I have always been like this , I am so sensitive and over analyse everything people say. I only remember the negative things people say about me and forget the positive ones. I dwell for hours on things people say if someone criticizes my appearance it makes me scared to leave the house.
I do work but I struggle with trying to be 100 percent perfect all the time as I can't bear to be told I have done something wrong.
I don't know about you but I think I am just made this way, I mean, that it is not an illness, but I am just naturally quite a fragile person, like you though I always needed reassurance especially of my parents when I was a child (especially my dad who could be quite criticial of me)
I don't think it is all bad though, sensitive people are usually caring and loving and considerate of others which are all good qualities.

[Annie0904]

I can only echo what Alma has written as I would have said the same myself. As well as being over sensitive to comments directed at me, I hate to think I have upset someone else and dwell on it for so long. I often blame myself if someone else is upset even I wasn't there at the time!!

[manwithnoname]

alma, it does make me feel a bit better knowing you have the same nature, i have battled with these hurt feeling all my life and have even tried swallowing the hurt but it just seems to fester and eat me up, i think i have to let go of past hurts and try to protect myself more but i have no idea how to do that, it has ruined my working life as it seems no matter where i work i run into people that make hurtful and upsetting comments and completely ruin any prospect of doing a job of work

[Annie0904]

alma, it does make me feel a bit better knowing you have the same nature, i have battled with these hurt feeling all my life and have even tried swallowing the hurt but it just seems to fester and eat me up, i think i have to let go of past hurts and try to protect myself more but i have no idea how to do that, it has ruined my working life as it seems no matter where i work i run into people that make hurtful and upsetting comments and completely ruin any prospect of doing a job of work
Have you had CBT or any other therapy? I am having intense psychotherapy at the moment and it is helping me to deal with these issues.

[almamatters]

alma, it does make me feel a bit better knowing you have the same nature, i have battled with these hurt feeling all my life and have even tried swallowing the hurt but it just seems to fester and eat me up, i think i have to let go of past hurts and try to protect myself more but i have no idea how to do that, it has ruined my working life as it seems no matter where i work i run into people that make hurtful and upsetting comments and completely ruin any prospect of doing a job of work

I completely understand where you are coming from, and I wish I could offer advice about how to deal with it . I think wherever you go, or are in life there will be people that will make hurtful comments, suppose it is just human nature. I try and think of it like, these people are insensitive and cannot understand how their stupid comments hurt people. I think Annie's suggestion about therapy is a good one. I had CBT a few years ago, which did help to at least improve my confidence and self esteem, during that time I was convinced I was stupid, useless, unemployable, looked terrible etc etc,
I have had a few jobs and there is always someone who will make you feel bad (happened to me last week) I had to really fight with my feelings to be able to go in the next day and not show that my colleague had really hurt me, with a comment that most people would have laughed off.
I am sorry that at present you are unable to work, but with a sensitive nature like yours, there are jobs that you would be brilliant at and hopefully you would be around colleagues of a similar nature. :flowers:

[shotokansho]

Your not on your own here hun. I cry over everything, films, negative comments, guilt ect ect. I think mine stems from growing up with my step-dad, he was always making sarcastic comments, that could be quite hurtful, well to a child they would be. I always take things to heart and I'm always trying to please people.
I find it very difficult to control my feelings and emotions and always end up doing something negative. I'm sorry I can't really help with this as I am the same. Just wanted you to know that your not alone on this.

Kez xx

[manwithnoname]

thanks kez what you said means a lot

---------- Post added at 20:48 ---------- Previous post was at 20:44 ----------

to be honest i feel like i have been chewed up and spat out with the number of hurtful comments i have endured over the years - i just can't cope with work anymore but maybe when i recover i will feel differently

---------- Post added at 20:49 ---------- Previous post was at 20:48 ----------


I completely understand where you are coming from, and I wish I could offer advice about how to deal with it . I think wherever you go, or are in life there will be people that will make hurtful comments, suppose it is just human nature. I try and think of it like, these people are insensitive and cannot understand how their stupid comments hurt people. I think Annie's suggestion about therapy is a good one. I had CBT a few years ago, which did help to at least improve my confidence and self esteem, during that time I was convinced I was stupid, useless, unemployable, looked terrible etc etc,
I have had a few jobs and there is always someone who will make you feel bad (happened to me last week) I had to really fight with my feelings to be able to go in the next day and not show that my colleague had really hurt me, with a comment that most people would have laughed off.
I am sorry that at present you are unable to work, but with a sensitive nature like yours, there are jobs that you would be brilliant at and hopefully you would be around colleagues of a similar nature. :flowers:

Alma I would love to know what jobs you think i might be better suited to??

[almamatters]

Will PM you if ok

[theharvestmouse]

I'm quite sensitive as well, more so since I developed anxiety, I've never really understood banter, when someone starts getting personal then I don't like it.

[Rennie1989]

I'm really sensitive. I can't stand constructive critisism let alone negative comments about me. I used to be a strong person and could stand up for myself but I've gone back into my shell again and I don't know why. I've had customers shout the most obsene to me that I'd rather just stand there and take it then to walk away or confront said customer. It just shows how little respect I have for myself and it upsets me. I wish I could stand up for myself more but really don't know how. It also doesn't help that I hate arguments of any kind so I can't even vent my own problems and issues if it makes my work/personal life better and I end up being led on and bullied by people.

[JaneC]

I truly believe this is something we can do something about, at least to a degree, if we are prepared to put in the effort. I once read something to the effect that other people can only hurt you if you allow them to. CBT is just made for this. One CAN learn how to control one's reactions to a greater or lesser extent - I know because I have done it. I am still "sensitive" to other people's deeds and words but a helluva lot less so than I used to be. David D Burns' book "Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy" ( I should be on commission but I'm not) is great for this kind of thing. I am sure he would even class calling oneself sensitive as "negative labelling". If it upsets you to be this way, one really can do something about it, rather than just accept and bemoan it.

[manwithnoname]

Thanks for your post harvestmouse, it means a lot to me that other people have the same difficulty, it's been a lifelong battle with me to stop feeling so hurt and thinking 'how can people be so cruel' when it comes to what they say or how they say it, i mean don't they know that other people have feelings?

---------- Post added at 15:49 ---------- Previous post was at 15:46 ----------


I'm really sensitive. I can't stand constructive critisism let alone negative comments about me. I used to be a strong person and could stand up for myself but I've gone back into my shell again and I don't know why. I've had customers shout the most obsene to me that I'd rather just stand there and take it then to walk away or confront said customer. It just shows how little respect I have for myself and it upsets me. I wish I could stand up for myself more but really don't know how. It also doesn't help that I hate arguments of any kind so I can't even vent my own problems and issues if it makes my work/personal life better and I end up being led on and bullied by people.

thanks rennie for the post it means a lot to me to know i am not alone

[ricardo]

Another interesting post.

I used to be quite ruthless when in full time business but with over 30 years of anxiety illness I have become far more sensitive and analise what people say, sometimes to such a degree that i literally drive myself mad.

Here's a better explanation:


Inference is the perception of hidden or subtextual meaning or that which is implied. To infer is to reach beyond the face value of something and read between the lines.

Read more: What Does it Mean to Critically Analyze Something? | eHow.com (http://www.ehow.com/facts_7643158_mean-critically-analyze-something.html#ixzz2NuKHHHKG) http://www.ehow.com/facts_7643158_mean-critically-analyze-something.html#ixzz2NuKHHHKG

When i go to the doctor for reassurance he knows he has to be very careful with the words he choses when addressing any kind of problem. So you can see from others that have replied that you are not alone.

[manwithnoname]

thank you ricardo for your post, i think my difficulties revolve being so easily hurt and i can't seem to stop feeling like this, the only thing i can do is swallow the hurt and then break down in tears later when it gets too much which probably isn't a very constructive way to solve this problem, i am 50 now and this problem has plagued me for as long as i can remember, a lot of it stems from the relationship i had with my younger brother, basically i couldn't stand to be around him, he is so moody, critical and hurtful in his non-verbal criticism like walking away shaking his head at me as if to say 'what an idiot you are' no wonder i have an inferiorty complex

[Louise_B85]

This sounds so like me, I am very sensitive and take things too personally. I also get hurt easily too, and it takes me a long time to get over things. Since starting an online CBT course I do feel like I am taking things far less personally but I do have my good and bad days.

[rb1978]

Me too. Very sensitive and I get very upset by things. At work it's worst. Just today someone said something to me that was critical and quite nasty.

Been on the verge of tears since I got home from work. I'm sure someone else wouldn't have reacted like this if they'd been the subject of a nasty comment. :(

Not quite sure what the answer is though.