Having that awkward conversation

[Rioblu]

Hi everyone.

I recently started a new job, which I have been in for the last 4 weeks. Prior to starting I was signed off work for a while which ended up me losing my old job.

My letter from my gp has come through with the news they can offer me couselling which I feel I need. But this will be through the week and I will need to take time off to go and not feel stressed about it. I haven't Filled out any medical forms so as it stands no one knows that i have generalised anxiety and OCD. I will have to tell my boss about it in order to fulfil and feel comfortable going to counselling I'm really worried as people judge and I'm really new to the company and i don't want my boss to think I'll be a problem or someone he needs to watch. The who's situation is making me feel really ill. People generally don't understand but it's something I have to do. Hase anyone had to do this ? Xx

[Tessar]

I did Rioblu. Many years ago I went through therapy for depression. At that time I had been I n the job a long time and I got worse gradually so it didn't come as a surprise to my colleagues. Therapy helped me get better but then last year my brother died which brought alot if my bad memories back as he wasn't kind to me at all.
Anyway, the job I'm in now, none of my colleagues knew anything about what had happened to me previously and I had never wanted what I might call "old me" ever coming to my new workplace. Everyone was so kind to me after he died, what they couldn't possibly understand is that they were almost killing me with their kindness as i hated what my brother had done to me.. Anyway I ended up needing to go and see a counsellor as it was too much to deal with.
I so hadn't wanted to taint my new job with my past as I really loved it. I didn't want people knowing about my past. They were all so lovely it was like I had moved on & left all the mess behind. I am not ashamed of needing help and I know that getting through psychological difficulties makes you stronger as a person. It certainly made me more whole but I knew from experience I needed help to get through how was feeling.
Basically I have 2 bosses, one lovely lady who I could talk to about anything. The other is a considerate boss but not one for stuff like this really, I could just tell it was best to talk to my lady boss. I explained a bit of background. She was fine with it. She even went so far as to ask me if I was taking any medication to help me through.
She asked me what I would like to be said to my colleagues to explain my absences. Having been though therapy and being open before with my colleagues about where I was and why I was doing it, I said to her that its fine for anyone who asks to know that I was seeing a counsellor following my bereavement. She couldn't have been kinder to me.
I was really nervous about telling her. In a way it was more because I was scared I'd cry in front of her than anything else. I really don't mind about people knowing. After hiding so much stuff about myself from people in my past, the way I look at it now is if they don't like it the that's their problem.
I have (& you have) nothing to hide. Perhaps it is more difficult to explain to people as we anticipate others wont understand or might be apprehensive about conditions affecting the mind. I dont know why mental health issues carry more stigma but quite frankly, these days, having been there before, I see it as being no different to seeking treatment for anything.
I feel that were it a physical condition such as backache or a long term illnesses like diabetes, it might be that people can identify with them more easily, but I would imagine even if people were telling their bosses about something like that, they too might get nervous beforehand.
From my experience its best to decide beforehand how much information you are comfortable in divulging. It's entirely up to you what you decide to say. Obviously you need to give them a reasonable amount of information so they can understand your need for the absences. I would imagine if you ask them to be discrete and treat it as confidential, then that is what they must do.
In most places the medical forms would come before you take the job. That is an oversight on their part so my feeling is you have nothing to worry about on that score.
Having the courage to do counselling is a very positive sign about anyone. It's really good that you are going to do it and that you understand why it is important. I would think of it as a course in gaining confidence in yourself and learning additional life skills (alongside dealing with past and existing issues along the way).
You could explain it as something you anticipate is going to improve your productivity in the job long term.
Doing counselling is a positive move. Like I say it takes courage.
I would be hopeful that your new boss would be understanding & be able to see it as positive.. You've been there a month now so they are starting to get to know you. So, Rioblu, I would do your best to explain this as a positive move. to help yourself on the day, I would suggest jotting down a few simple notes to prompt yourself so that you can remain focused and come across in the way you would like.
In my case, confiding in my boss was nerve-wracking but as it is for you too, it was necessary. Beyond that, i took my time when it came to telling other colleagues about why I was having a few hours off here & there. i started with the ones i felt i could trust most & slowly moved on to telling others. i haven't talked to all of them about it & there are only a couple of them who know most of my story.
One day I was quite surprised that a male colleague I don't always get on with actually asked me how I was. He seemed really genuine. It's the only time we ever spoke about it but it made me see that even the people you might think wouldn't relate or think about your wellbeing, may well actually be concerned after all.
Anyway, I will be thinking about you.... & you'll have to keep us up to speed about how it goes. :)