anxiety affecting my marriage, or marriage affecting my anxiety?

[cattia]

My husband just doesn't get my anxiety at all. I do understand that it must be frustrating and that it's hard to get how we think and why, but honestly I don't feel like he even tries to understand. He relates everything back to himself the whole time without ever really listening to me. I am sure if he actually listened and tried to engage and support me, things would be better. I feel like I'm on my own with this and it's putting a huge strain on our marriage. Sometimes I wonder whether it's my anxiety that is making things worse or our total lack of communication that is making my anxiety worse. Can anyone relate?

[Lilharry]

I can totally relate! I had an interesting session with my counsellor about this which helped me see it from my husband's point of view better. She asked me how my anxiety made me feel and how it made me behave. I said it made me feel sick and it made me not want to do things and that I wasn't getting any pleasure out of anything. She said that that in turn was making me distance myself from my relationship and that that was making my husband feel powerless and that nothing he could do was right and this was affecting our relationship. She said next time I get anxious feelings I need to be mindful of this and try and rephrase my thoughts so that instead of thinking negatively, turn it into something positive, especially when my husband is involved. You have try and catch those negative thoughts and see them for what they are and how much damage they are causing. I definitely think anxiety has a huge impact on relationships, but of course there are things that happen in relationships that cause anxiety so it can be quite circular.