Pure O?!

[Retrogirl1940]

Hello everyone,

I hope you are as well as can be.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Linda and I am 34.

I have been diagnosed by my local mental health team as having Generalised Anxiety Disorder but I am pretty sure I suffer with Pure O aswell but they never diagnosed me with this.
I have suffered from Panic Attacks since I was a little girl (from about the age of 7). I do believe it was Pure O too. :mad:
When i was young I would get obsessed that something bad was going to happen to me, i.e. I watched Casualty and a lady on there had a brain tumor and I was convinced for weeks if not months that I had one. Another time a person had a seizure and for years and years (even to this day) I worry I may just collapse and have a seizure.
At the age of 19 I was put onto Seroxat as I went away on a girly holiday and had 5-6 panic attacks a day.
I have had a couple of relapses since then every time I try to come off the medication.
Mid December time (again when I was trying to wean off of the seroxat)there was a post on Facebook about a guy in our area who had committed suicide. I didn't know him but friends of mine did.
I read this on the train on my way home from work and for some unkinown reason this triggered something and I had a massive panic attack on the train.
In my head I said to myself I suffer from panic attacks and mild depression, what if I get so bad that I try to do that?!?! This has replayed in my head since then with brief moments of respite.
Christmas was ruined. I was a nervous wreck. Constantly crying, frightened to be alone for fear I may dop something to myself, i got signed off work. Couldn't eat properly, felt constantly tired, was frightened to go out alone, was being sick, shaking, breathlessness and felt I was going crazy.
I went to my GP and she increased my dose of seroxat from 20mg to 30mg (I am now up to 40mg). She also referred me to the Crisis team.
They assessed me and determined that I wasn't suicidal and referred me to MIND for CBT therapy. They also assessed me and came to the decision I was no danger to myself or anyone else (even though I was convinced I might be) and put me on the waiting list for therapy.

As well as the thoughts replaying around in my head I may hurt myself (even though I know I will not do this and want to live my life) there has been another news story that has worried me about a mentally ill woman who nearly decapitated a lady in my local area. On Saturday I was reading about it and I started to worry that I might be psychotic and what if I lose my mind one day???

Today, I tried to confront the issue and looked up about the case online (the suicide case) on my local newspaper website. I could feel a panic attack building, read one article about this person and then clicked off.
Now its replaying again.

I have my first CBT session on Wednesday and I know I am stressing about it and I am also overtired at the moment and this doesn't help my anxiety or my OCD.
Actually I am always feeling tired. Does anyone else feel that way?

I am back at work and have been for a number of weeks now which has been a massive help.

Does anyone have any tips or advise on how I can stop this thoughts replaying in my mind. Also, does anyone think this sounds like Pure O?

Sorry for the long post it all started flooding out.

I look forward to hearing from people.

Linda x

[Steve37]

You have to tell yourself that the thoughts in your head are exactly that, thoughts, and that they will disappear as quickly as they came. I get thoughts too Linda, and this seems to help me.

[Retrogirl1940]

Thanks for your reply Steve.
I do try to tell myself this. Sometimes they feel so overwhelming!

[Lilharry]

Wow, so much of what you have said above sounds exactly like me! It's so good to know that other people feel like this too, not that I would wish anyone to feel like that, but good to know you're not alone.

I used to be so scared of being alone that I would make my husband stay home from work with me. I used to think about the knives in the drawer constantly and worry that I would all of a sudden lose control and start stabbing myself or someone else. I would get obsessed with news stories about people dying in horrible ways and I couldn't stop thinking about them.

I'm not sure what you mean by Pure O, but I think all of my symptoms were caused by anxiety. They are irrational and anxious thoughts caused by your mind that is running a million miles a minute. Actual crazy people don't think like that, so you are not crazy, nor will you turn crazy. If you did turn crazy, which isn't going to happen, you wouldn't be anxious about it, so you can rest assured that what you are feeling is something far from crazy. Remember you are scared of being crazy, not actually crazy.

CBT will be great for you. It has helped me so much. It will help you to stop those thoughts in their tracks and turn them into something positive.

You should also try relaxation techniques and just start doing nice things for yourself to make yourself feel better in general. Book a massage, or create a little space in your home where you can sit and meditate. Put some effort into buying some nice things for this space and make it look pretty. But some nice incense and just lie down and enjoy the smell. Get some relaxing music and put it on. YOu can download relaxation sounds and music online. I love listening to the rain sounds because they make me feel all warm and cosy inside. Are there any sounds, smells etc that you know make you feel a certain way? I also have a whole bunch of movies that I can watch over and over that always make me feel good - most of htem are kids movies and I put them on if I start to feel yucky. Other things you can do is buy some nice soap and body moisturiser and make sure you spend time treating yourself everyday. it sounds indulgent, but it's so important that you spend time doing these things because they will help your mind tune into positive thoughts and sensations.

Good luck with your CBT. It is nerve wracking the first time, but you will be just fine. YOu will need to put some work into it and it will take time, but in a few months you will be able to look back on your progress and see how far you've come. Big hugs - you will get through this.

[kt79]

This is exactly how I feel, its awful. The hardest thing I have had to deal with. Are you on medication or had any therapy?