animalluva69
19-03-13, 13:15
Basically I am 53 years old, unmarried, no children. Have a partner but we do not live together. Have been told by my GP that I have gone through the menopause but still get mild hot flushes. Am not on any medication....will only take it if I really have too. And touch wood am in reasonably good health, non-smoker, hardly drink alcohol and definately no drugs
No debts as was very happily made redundant couple of years ago and am now back doing same job as a contractor.......I am not highly educated but am hard working and give 110% to everything I do
To most people they see me as somebody who is easy going, talk to anyone, laugh at anything, will help anybody, adores animals, kind of wacky, stupid sense of humour and who is still very young at heart....and probably dresses way too young for her age!
But in reality inside I am dying............................if I could I would happily stay indoors all day every day, my flat is my safe haven and when I have to leave it, most of the time it is a nightmare. I am absolutely terrified of being sick, feeling dizzy or fainting in the street or in public. I work myself up into such a panic that a 35 minute lovely walk to work turns into a 15 minute dash which turns me into a sweaty bright red blob! And all because I pace my flat because I do not want to leave it.........this is not all the time but majority of the time and nearly all the time if I am going out on my own, if my boyfriend or friends are with me I cope better but even so always, always in my head is the thoughts of "What if..................I feel sick; feel faint;need to go to the toilet urgently etc etc"
And because I am so stressed I do end up feeling ill.......which then makes my panic worse because I start thinking am I really ill or is it just nerves.....so I go round in a never ending circle.
Which means I never enjoy anything.......I put off doing things because I get scared, and if I do meet up with friends after work I dash home so I can feel safe again. And eating out is something I avoid like the plague.........what if I get food poisoning? And this time of year with all these viruses going round.............there are days I feign sickness so as not to go into work just in case I catch something........ and don't ask how many times a day I wash my hands!
This has been going on for quite a number of years, probably all my life to some extent, but as I get older it seems to be getting worse, guess I am now thinking older I get more things wll go wrong.....I have spoken to my GP and did have a course of CBT but never went back when I was told I was going to be shown video's of people being sick and be put in a room with somebody who was feeling ill.......sorry but I just could not go through with it.
My boyfriend does know how I am and will listen to my rantings but I know I have got to try and get this under control........at my age I should not be living like this.......I feel so stupid and such a failure.
No debts as was very happily made redundant couple of years ago and am now back doing same job as a contractor.......I am not highly educated but am hard working and give 110% to everything I do
To most people they see me as somebody who is easy going, talk to anyone, laugh at anything, will help anybody, adores animals, kind of wacky, stupid sense of humour and who is still very young at heart....and probably dresses way too young for her age!
But in reality inside I am dying............................if I could I would happily stay indoors all day every day, my flat is my safe haven and when I have to leave it, most of the time it is a nightmare. I am absolutely terrified of being sick, feeling dizzy or fainting in the street or in public. I work myself up into such a panic that a 35 minute lovely walk to work turns into a 15 minute dash which turns me into a sweaty bright red blob! And all because I pace my flat because I do not want to leave it.........this is not all the time but majority of the time and nearly all the time if I am going out on my own, if my boyfriend or friends are with me I cope better but even so always, always in my head is the thoughts of "What if..................I feel sick; feel faint;need to go to the toilet urgently etc etc"
And because I am so stressed I do end up feeling ill.......which then makes my panic worse because I start thinking am I really ill or is it just nerves.....so I go round in a never ending circle.
Which means I never enjoy anything.......I put off doing things because I get scared, and if I do meet up with friends after work I dash home so I can feel safe again. And eating out is something I avoid like the plague.........what if I get food poisoning? And this time of year with all these viruses going round.............there are days I feign sickness so as not to go into work just in case I catch something........ and don't ask how many times a day I wash my hands!
This has been going on for quite a number of years, probably all my life to some extent, but as I get older it seems to be getting worse, guess I am now thinking older I get more things wll go wrong.....I have spoken to my GP and did have a course of CBT but never went back when I was told I was going to be shown video's of people being sick and be put in a room with somebody who was feeling ill.......sorry but I just could not go through with it.
My boyfriend does know how I am and will listen to my rantings but I know I have got to try and get this under control........at my age I should not be living like this.......I feel so stupid and such a failure.