My experience taking Fluxetine (with some retalin)

[ChristopherT]

Hi There.

I recently saw a doctor. I explained I was having kind of panic attacks in social situations, and that I was also having some kind of dark depression.

I am also taking Retalin already. But I'm not always consistent with it.

I've been socially nervous a lot in my life, but I often hid it with alcohol, or my focusing my brain to relax as much as I could beforehand.

I'm been doing okay, but recently things are not very good.

Here is my experience with Prozac, while taking Retalin.

Day 1 of Fluxetine.
I feel fine today. I'm glad I had the courage to get the Fluxetine. Something that convinced me this could be a good solution was a book called the Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt.

Anyway so far so good... My main goal is to be able to meet groups of people, and feel relaxed, without having panic attacks, and escape the gloomy days, which recently vague suicidal thoughts have become visible, but not strong.

[OncewasSupergirl]

Did you mean Ritalin Christopher? For the treatment of ADHD? You need to be consistent with any medicine for it to be effective! You should maybe check out Princess' n Ocean's threads there are a lot of updates from people on fluoxetine presently at different stages of recovery including myself. Best of luck though :) x x

[ChristopherT]

Oh yes. I meant Ritalin. For Inattentive ADHD, which is what I was told I might have.

Anyway, so Day 2. I took my second tablet of 20 mg of Fluoxetine and also 2 lots of 10 mg or retalin. Today was fine, except, I am awake longer than ever, and to be honest, not even sleepy. I will try and sleep though, and hopefully check the others threads you mentioned.

I might go back to 3 x 10 mg of Ritalin, I just don't like feeling like I'm on it all the time.

[OncewasSupergirl]

One of Ritalins side effects is wakefulness, i know because my son is on it for ADHD plus Fluoxetine is a stimulant so the two combined would probably contribute to lack of sleep x

[ChristopherT]

Thanks for that. Yes, now at Day 3.

I've never really written in a forum before, so it's an interesting experience.

I guess I should be more forward, I'm not working at the moment, as I was living overseas and I came back to where I am now. So the only people I have seen in the past few days, are people in the stores, just briefly.

I would say, those interactions have all gone well, so far i'm happy. Tomorrow, I might meet a group of friends, and one close friend. The last time I met them, I kind of had a panic thing happen, and raised silly topic-about Shale Oil being found, and one guys girlfriend roles her eyes and they moves tables. Thing is, I know, if I wasn't nervous I wouldn't have said that. I hate meeting friends of friends, who may judge me for that particular nervous moment.

Anyway so Day 3. I feel fine, but I did have one glass of Vodka and Cola. After that I noticed unusually I felt quite sleepy for 30 minutes. It may have just been that I was up late last night. Anyway I better get back, half through applying for a job, hopefully this medication helps with that too.

---------- Post added at 09:52 ---------- Previous post was at 09:48 ----------

oh no. I spelt both my medications wrong in the header. Maybe I should start this forum again. Or maybe it's telling of who I am sometimes.

---------- Post added at 12:38 ---------- Previous post was at 09:52 ----------

Day 3 Cont'd.. Well I took 3 x 10mg of Ritalin today.. and my head was racing a bit, and I hardly ate today.

Anyway it might not be to do with the Fluoxetine, but I would say the effect of the Ritalin are stronger for some reason. I don't smoke usually, but I keep a pack handy if I need to relax my nerves. I had one cigarette, and that seemed to bring me back to earth.

Looking forward to the Fluoxetine working, so I won't have to grab for a cigarette every other day.

I read people on this forum complaining they feel tired on Fluoxetine. At this early stage, with the addition of the Ritalin, I feel the opposite.

I have also read that some doctors provide Ritalin in addition to Fluoxetine( Prozac) because the positive effects of Prozac take time, but Ritalin can act as a good substitute in those first two weeks. So maybe I am also a good guinea pig for that theory.

I also have a problem of being a social drinker. I often use alcohol to keep me from panicking, but sometimes I get too drunk, and it may look like I have a problem. So I am hoping with Prozac, I won't drink so much to calm my nerves.

---------- Post added at 12:39 ---------- Previous post was at 12:38 ----------

P.s. I also took my 20 mg of Prozac first thing in the morning.

[ChristopherT]

Well day 5.

On day 4 I went out to meet friends. So anyway I met one friend first, and didn't drink, and felt normal and relaxed with all the new people around. Which was good. Then I met more friends later on, and we started drinking. I felt slightly nervous, but I guess it was okay, I didn't have a panic attack, unlike I have been doing a few times recently.

But, as I presently live outside of the city, I stayed in a friends place, so I didn't have the tablet for much of day 5.

Day 5. Didn't have my tablet until 7pm. I was feeling depressed. Probably because of the alcohol I had drunk the night before. I didn't really have much to be depressed about though, everything went well, and we even won big at the casino. Anyway the depression wasn't dark really, so that's good.

I started taking 20 mgs of Ritalin in the morning instead of 10, to give me more focus.

---------- Post added at 13:33 ---------- Previous post was at 12:56 ----------

I didn't really eat much again today.. My appetite has been oddly low. I haven't eaten at all in 12 hours, and don't feel at all hungry. Oh well, hopefully be fine tomorrow.

[ChristopherT]

Well this will be day 6. I feel a bit better so far today. I think I will get over the counter sleeping tablets, and start taking a multivitamin... Hmm All these pills, I spent most of my life trying to avoid taking anything.

While living in Japan, an American Doctor told me I had inattentive ADHD. I had to leave the country, and my girlfriend is still there. So I've spent a number of months trying to sort my life out over here. I went to an Australian/Indian Psychiatrist who gave me the Ritalin, and now I have no appointments to see him in for 6 months.

So I went to a regular doctor, and told him my story, and how in the past I had once not been able to leave my room on a cruise ship, because of anxiety. At the time, a doctor gave me anti depressants, but I took one, and threw the rest away, and thought I could get through it mentally. The fear, of that anxiety, made me focus in my work, and I produced exceptional results, for some years.

The thing is this older anglosaxon Australian doctor was against me taking ritalin, he said I should cut down, and he didn't think any doctors should be issuing it.

He told me, after about 5 minutes, that he thinks I might be BORDERLINE, I didn't even know what he meant. I looked it up, and I don't think I want to know what it means. I haven't talked about that with anyone, not my family, or my girlfriend, or good friends. I'm just hoping the Prozac he gave me, will come in and cure everything. He said, Prozac is good for guys?? Anyway..

Wish me luck. I hope in a few months, I will be working, together with my girlfriend, and this nightmare of sorts will be a thing of the past. I feel at the moment a burden for people, who kind of people bad for me, and want to help me get back on my feet, but I really don't feel comfortable in this situation, it just seems to make it worse, and gives me more anxiety.

---------- Post added at 04:05 ---------- Previous post was at 02:33 ----------

I kind of felt like I had a fever before. Sort of in a hot sweat, as anxiety as kicking in. I don't remember having that before, so I guess it as a side effect of the Fluoxetine.

---------- Post added at 04:07 ---------- Previous post was at 04:05 ----------

But still, it's not that bad I guess... I just feel really unproductive, even with the Ritalin.

---------- Post added at 04:27 ---------- Previous post was at 04:07 ----------

Again , a cigarette seemed to calm me down, even though I'm not a regular smoker.

---------- Post added at 05:34 ---------- Previous post was at 04:27 ----------

The cigarette didn't really work. Not a good day really.

Day 6 should be named day 666.
I hope day 7 can be called Lucky 7.

Anyway I got my Omega 3 and 6 oils and over the counter sleeping pills for tonight. I'll see how it goes.

[ChristopherT]

Day 8.

Today I feel pretty good. I had a over the counter sleep tablet called Sleepwell, (Doxylaminee Succinate 25gms) plus I also drank Hydrate (Electrolyte tablet) to put the nutrients back in to me from sweating. I had organic Flax-seed oil 1000 mg, with Omega 3,6,9 inside it for my mind, and blood circulation. I was drinking a fair bit of water. I didn't eat much yesterday.

But I started today, with a decent breakfast, so I will make sure I eat well today and I will have everything that I had yesterday. I can feel a bit of a hot sweat side effect, but it's not that bad.

Oh, I also had Mega B executive stress tablet, by natures way... Fighting prozac side effects with vitamins and minerals.

[ChristopherT]

Day 9...
Today wasn't great. But i got through it. I was feeling kinda down sometimes, and a bit sensitive I guess you could say.

I'm a bit worried for my long distance relationship. In the last month she was sick, then she lost her phone, then she had bad nightmares...In that time we hardly contact. I'm waiting for the positive effects of this to kick in. I think by being in a long distance relationship, added a lot to my anxiety. I know she is popular with guys, and as much as I want to trust her with all these things, and the Fluoxetine at the moment, i'm feeling not myself...

[ChristopherT]

Day 10
Today was better that yesterday. Not bad, but a bit worse than average i guess.

I went for a quick swim at the beach, that probably helped being out in the sun, getting a bit of exercise. Also drove for the first time since i started, and seemed fine to drive, which helped me a bit.

I didn't have so much anxiety today, i felt pretty relaxed mostly, just a bit of an underlying down feeling, that i guess will pass soon enough. I haven't had a run since I started, I might try to do that again over the next few days.

[ChristopherT]

Day 11, was.. well, again not great, but not the worst.

I find for the 4-5 hours after I take the tablets the symptoms are stronger maybe..

Anyway for now, it's just a sweaty palms, some depression, and anxious thoughts... It seems more than usual for me, but not as bad as a terrible hangover.

The nights seem to be problem free.. I kind of wonder, if I took this at night instead, would I sleep through all the problems..

My world feels very turned upside down, from what it was a year ago, maybe I'm in some kind of nervous breakdown having my life pulled from under me, and maybe the Fluoxetine will help me realize and get through that.

[ChristopherT]

Day 12. I drank a little bit today, not a lot, but 4 glasses of mixed spirits...

As for the medicine Fluoxetine.. Yeah today is a bit strange. I did have moments of kind of Euphoric positiveness. I guess I was feeling a bit confused in my thoughts, and edgy and anxious.

I started to look up "Borderline personality" disorder... I passed an online test to say you might have it... But then when I went to the forums for it, I could only relate to people on certain points... I don't usually get angry. Then I thought about the Manic kind of feeling and looked up Bipolar disorder. I do get some of the social over positive side effects of that, because I like to have a lot of fun. I did I online test, and it said I was Bipolar type 2... I'm not sure if these online test are much to go by...

Anyway I will continue the treatment for Prozac but it does seem to be disrupting my day to day life.

-Again by nightfall I was completely relaxed.... It could also have something to do with the Ritalin I take wearing off then too, not sure.

[ChristopherT]

Day 13.. Half way through.

I didn't take Ritalin today... Just the Prozac/Fluo.
I had some problems with my relationship, so I thought, I would just try the Fluoxetine..

Strangely. I didn't feel down or anxious today really. Just lethargic and sleepy. But I feel better, which is good I guess. So maybe with the Ritalin, I was getting more depressed, which would seem so as the end of the days, when the Ritalin wore off, I felt almost the same as now.

[ChristopherT]

Day 13 - Night.
Now I can actually feel the effects of the Fluoxetine. I'm sure.

Because today should be a really bad day. Me and my long distance relationship partner decided to have a break, not my choice. But strangely, at night I feel kind of free.

It doesn't seem to worry me as much as maybe it should... I didn't have the Retilin today, and I was less productive, but.... If it means I can feel positive, on a day I was glooming over then I'm sure being a little unproductive for a while, might not be such a bad thing.

[ChristopherT]

Day 14
2nd Day in a row, no Ritalin.

Okay... well today, except for a couple of hiccups in the day ( I was just dumped yesterday, via phone text, for a girl I loved far away, so a couple of hiccups, so to speak can be expected)

But overall, I would mark today as a good day. I didn't have an underlying depressed feeling, just a couple of moments, but they were fair enough... And I felt quite resilient and positive in this situation. Would I put this down to Prozac? I would say, it seems pretty clear that it is starting to have an effect. I read that while not all, a lot of people will feel some effect by two weeks. Week, it's day 14, so the timing couldn't have been better!

Thanks Fluoxetine, for seemingly saving me from a thudding break up. Lets see how this all goes. It's not over yet I'm sure, but it's a good sign, and the nights are definitely more positive. :)

---------- Post added at 11:13 ---------- Previous post was at 10:55 ----------

I really wish to quote the book I read "Happiness Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt.

pg 40.
The other leading theory about Prozac is that it raises the level of a neural growth hormone in the hippocampus, a part of the brain crucial for learning and memory. People who have a negative affective style generally have higher levels of stress hormones in their blood; these hormones, in turn, tend to kill off or prune back some critical cells in the hippocampus, whose job, in part, is to shut off the very stress response that is killing them. So people who have a negative affective style may often suffer minor neural damage to the hippocampus, but this can be repaired in four or five weeks after Prozac triggers the release of the neural growth hormone

[OncewasSupergirl]

I think that quote is interesting and would like to believe it the only issue I have is that my memory is terrible since being on the fluox! If it raises the level of the nearal growth hormone responsible for memory n learning I'd expect my memory to improve? I used to have an excellent memory before this episode of anxiety/depression. As for the Ritalin and Prozac I'm sure the Ritalin has a warning that it can affect the way other medicines work especially anti-depressants. Did the Doc who prescribed the Prozac know you were taking Ritalin? X x

[ChristopherT]

Hi again O.W.Supergirl!
Well, the author was saying they also had memory problems, so I’m not sure that he is implying that it is good for memory, though with some people it is apparently. Because he was a professor he decided that his memory was more important than his wellbeing and he said after stopping taking the tablets, after 5 weeks his memory came back, and so did his anxieties, but what had changed was he had a first-hand experience of seeing the world with new eyes.
Maybe you can take some supplements to help with memory, and hopefully the symptoms of memory loss will fade, along with the others.

My doctor was a traditional Australian older doctor, different to the one who prescribed me Ritalin (Originally an American). He didn’t approve of me taking Ritalin, he said I should try to lower my dose off it, and offered me Prozac. I assume he knew there could be possible side effects and he said to contact him in two weeks. I haven’t yet. I feel okay recently, so I just want to see how it goes. I’m hoping as the Fluoxetine starts working more, I will gradually be able to take the Ritalin, which seems to be good for memory, in my case.
Day 15
The Fluoxetine seems to be working its way up I guess. I felt okay. One complaint, not really but interesting when you have a real break up you can feel a pain in the chest… So while my mind seems to be doing okay, my gut “heart ache” was still present. But still overall a positive improvement, and a lot better than last week.

[ChristopherT]

Day 16 No complaints at the moment. Everything seems to be going well (or at least improving) , and this looks to be getting me (now) through a difficult time.

[ChristopherT]

Day 17, nearing at three weeks.

Today was pretty good, I did feel a bit down, but it was quite minor. What worries me I guess, is the coming weekend. And no doubt having recently been given "a break" in my relationship, as a drinker, I will look to go out and drink, hopefully with some people I would call friends. However, after the last time I went out, and actually drank, I had a horrendous few days following that. It may have been because of the Ritalin, that I was taking, and now have stopped, but I think there is a good chance it's a side effect of the Prozac and drinking.

I really hope though, that it wasn't, because i do enjoy a good night of drinking with friends now and again.

Another Quote from my book The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt.
Pg 43
"I therefore question the widespread view that Prozac and other drugs in its class are overprescribed. It's easy for those who did Well in the cortical lottery to preach about the importance of hard work and the unnaturalness of chemical shortcuts. But for those who, through no fault of their own, ended up on the negative half of the affective style spectrum, Prozac is a way to compensate for the unfairness of the cortical lottery."

[OncewasSupergirl]

It does say on the leaflet you are not supposed to drink alcohol whilst on Fluoxetine. And I know from other posts it seems to increase hangover effects. Personally I haven't really drank on them only one or two drinks at least n I felt fine the next day. Maybe you need to address the reason you feel the need to drink? Does it increase your self-confidence in social situations? X x

[ChristopherT]

Hi OncewasSupergirl.

Yeah I think sometimes I use alcohol as a social lubricant, and also as a release, and for the fun moods it seems to put me in. So I guess the fluoxetine would kind of cover those bases, so I would hope that my need for drinking in excess on the occasion would lessen. Last year, when I started using something similar to Ritalin for the first time, I also took another tablet, which stopped me being able to drink. I took that for two months, but then I decided I was getting too anxious on Ritalin type tablets socially, so I wanted to drink again.

---------- Post added at 11:57 ---------- Previous post was at 11:31 ----------

Day 18

Well last night I went out. I did drink, and I did get drunk, rather drunk. It seems much easier to get drunk while taking Fluoxetine, even though I knew that, and tried to pace myself, it didn't seem to matter.

Luckily i had no real problems relating from being drunk. This is going to sound silly, but I thought at the time it was almost like I had super powers. I really hope I don't get depressed tomorrow, because I know that I felt really up yesterday, almost too up. I currently live out of the city, and I made friends with some people, and they let me sleep in there house. That's the second time I drank a lot on Prozac and the second time I woke up, not exactly remembering that I wasn't in my bed... It hasn't been that I was sleeping with anyone. It was just I have been so friendly, and people have been friendly to me. Maybe Prozac is affecting my sex drive. Anyway at the moment, I'm not looking to get involved with anyone just yet. It's obviously not good timing, and I am still not sure if I am getting back with my ex yet. I haven't made contact with her, nor she has with me. I'm not sure how long that will go on for.

As fun and free as I felt yesterday, it is a bit scary, given that if I met the wrong people something bad may well have happened.

[ChristopherT]

Day 19.
Well today wasn't that bad really. I was expecting to crash after the weekend, but I was just okay today. Last night I had the Fluoxetine tablet 20 mg at about 9pm instead of the morning, so I decided to have it at 3pm today to give myself more time in between tablets. I was a bit vague/vacant but i guess that can be expected. Anyway here's hoping for a positive week ahead.

I still haven't contacted the lady I am seeing, but had a break from. Maybe the tablets are helping in that way. I have still stopped taking Ritalin, since around when we decided to have the break, as they seemed to be making me more anxious, and creating stronger side affects for the Fluoxetine. So I think it's normal to just feel okay, hopefully it will improve during this week.

Yesterday I met a good friend quickly for a catch up. I could tell he was worried for me and my situation, without saying anything. He was also so busy, and has the opinion that I will find a way out of it, as I always do.

[ChristopherT]

Day 20. I guess I felt average today, but I have been waking up at an early time, which is a good sign.

[ChristopherT]

Day 21. Now three full weeks of taking Fluoxetine.

Hmm today, I felt maybe a little worse than yesterday. Not that bad, but a bit down, unmotivated.

I kinda found out on the grapevine, that my girlfriend, who I had to live apart from, and recently had a break with, was telling someone we had broken up. I know it's high school kind of stuff, but when we talked we were just having a break. I guess she was worried the way I have been recently, I wouldn't do well the whole break up thing.

Anyway i'm kind of hoping the Fluoxetine will lift my spirits me out of this strange rut that I have been in. I guess I have matured since my younger days, in that I would be keen to get out and meet new people. But I actually tried to make a mature attachment/relationship this time, which is why I'm still not interested to meet new females. I can't really imagine right now I would find the right type if I was looking for anyway. hmm hurry up Proozacccc. ;)

---------- Post added at 13:03 ---------- Previous post was at 12:49 ----------

So here I am in my first three weeks.

In the Book I was reading called The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt where he talks about Meditation, Cognitive therapy and Prozac being three effective means of helping you change your mind, he says

"For the first few weeks I had only side effects: some nausea, difficulty sleeping through the night, and a variety of physical sensations that I did not know my body could produce, including a feeling I can only describe by saying that my brain felt dry. But then one day in week five, the world changed color."

---------- Post added at 13:10 ---------- Previous post was at 13:03 ----------

"I woke up one morning and no longer felt anxious about the heavy work load and uncertain prospects of an untenured professor. It was like magic. A set of changes I had wanted to make in myself for years-loosening up, lightening up, accepting my mistakes without dwelling on them—happened overnight."

Okay, so bring this on!!

[ChristopherT]

Day 22
I guess today I was having a bad day, even had a bit of sweaty palms... But by nightfall, I had seen a movie called Life of Pi. Put me in a better mood, and I maybe even feel a bit positive I think.

The day though wasn't good at all, but it's hard to tell if that's any problem of the Flouxetine. I spent too long, lying on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I really need to shake this feeling!

[ChristopherT]

Day 23. Mj
Today was more like it. Except for an hour or two an hour after I took my pill, when I felt kind of down , I felt good and more positive then of late.

It‘s worth mentioning that instead of using an over the counter sleeing pill last night, for the fourth night in a row, I used a hypnotic audio file to help me sleep.

I had a quick dip in the ocean with sunlight, which might have helped too.

[ChristopherT]

Day 24. It's another Friday and not yet night.
I will though write this in, anyway. I hope nobody minds me doing a day to day thing, I just thought it's good for me to keep track, and in a part a release to take my mind of things, and feel in control, and also I hope they I might give some insight for someone who may be similar to me.

Anyway, so last night, I didn't feel sleepy, after listening to the hypnotise audio file I had. I think I had anxiety, over what I should say to my ex, now that I know she had lied, saying to someone we were broken up, when we just agreed to a break. I thought if I should confront and leave her with guilt, or just let it go, and say goodbye. So anyway, I had over the counter sleeping tablets. I had 1 and half tabs 30 mgs of Doxylamine Succinate. It got me sleeping, but in the morning I felt groggy, and I slept in.

I felt slow, almost to the point of autism, and anyway I had a big coffee, which is something I don't do recently. It sped me up, and I felt much smarter than usual. It's weird the two extremes I go through sometimes. I would be happy to have coffee instead of Ritalin, if it always worked, but I seem to crash, and get a bit of "mania", and it also makes my anxiety much worse. But it will be something I will consider too, if I can't have Ritalin with Fluoxetine.

Now tonight, I am sure I will meet people to drink. The trick is my limit. Usually I could drink 10 drinks over a number of hours and be fine, but on Fluoxetine, 10 drinks seems like 20 drinks, and I get completely wild, and happy drunk. That's the thing, it seems like such a happy drunk, that it's hard for me to stop. I seem to be in such a good mood, and people seem to really like me at the time...

But I realise the key is to limit myself. I think on 5 drinks over a number of hours, I would be a bit more than tipsy, but not out of control and in a good mood.

I have read the forums like this, and realise some people say it's not healthy and some people say they did it with no side effects, and I'm still undecided.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=19518

[footballking]

Well done man, you seem to be doing pretty well. I was given lexapro also known as escitroplam, but i'm afraid to take it because of the side effects. What makes you not care about the side effects of anti-depressants? Also that book you're reading? does it just talk about prozac or any other anti-depressants also? And did you say he came of the prozac? after 5 weeks? sounds a bit absurd.

[ChristopherT]

Hey man.

Yeah the types of anti depressants, are not really talked about, just that the idea of medication like Prozac can be useful, for people who don't benefit as much from therapy, or meditating. I'm not sure it was clear how long it was that he took what he took for, but he said after he decided it was affecting his memory for his work, he stopped it after a few weeks I think.

Hmm I don't know... I guess I was already taking Ritalin, so I thought it would make taking that easier. The side effects, I just figured would be something I would need to work through, and because I was entering a possible break up among other things, the increase of anxiety and depression was a scarier motivation then the side effects of the meds.

I guess the positives out weighed the negatives. I had originally had the tablets years before and I think I didn't need it, but this time, I thought I needed to swallow pride and that I did indeed need it.

---------- Post added at 07:14 ---------- Previous post was at 06:51 ----------

Day 25. 26 . 27

Day 25 Saturday

Again, like I imagined, last night I drank, and went out. I did okay, my friend offered me to crash on his sofa, I figured I might as well. I had brought an extra pill, as I thought this might happen.

I noticed while making me relaxed, it seems as though fluoxetine makes me talk alot, if I am drunk. Too much I think. Anyway maybe it's just still a sign of nerves.

I didn't drink so much, but still felt drunk, but it wasn't till i got back to his place with him and his girlfriend, that I had a really strong cocktail, and was drunk and slept. I feel like it made me a little bit high tension, but not really nervous I guess.

It ended up I continued tonight by going out to a birthday drinks, and I kept drinking to an okay level. At night I went with my friend, to calm down a female friend, who was depressed about a guy or something. I talked too much again. I hope that goes away, I prefer to be a bit more chilled out. Anyway after that I planned to go home, but I thought since I was single, and my girlfriend was telling people I had broken up, I should go for another drink. I was not that drunk when I started but,

Day 26 Sunday
Okay so that one drink, meant I didn't go home. I went to one place, made some friends, suddenly they were buying lots of drinks, jugs of beer. I think I had forgotten how I would get drunk easily, in the excitement of the night.. Anyway I met some more guys, it seemed like might energy was so high and enthusiasm was catching.

Maybe because of the break/break up. I didn't really want to go home and continued to drink with these guys, going around to various bars....

Sadly, as fun as it was at the time, I didn't get home until Monday early morning.. So Friday night, turned into me geting back home at Monday. For a variety of reasons, by Monday I was quite scared at what I had done. I also did not take my tablet on Sunday, so I wonder if that might have had some effect.

Day 27 Monday.
I guess I did have fun yesterday, but why did I strive to have never ending fun. Made me wonder if the tablets were making me a little crazy, or was it just a side effect of the break up. Probably a bit of both. I realise I was almost too relaxed on the weekend when I would go out. But I didn't feel overly that I was thinking about sex exactly. It was more just chasing fun. I was happy to talk to girls, to get other people to meet them. I also seemed to have once again these grandiose thoughts while drinking, it seems to inspire people I meet, but it kind of bothers me afterwards.

Oh well, I guess it's better than being negative or depressed when I drink. But this last weekend was so big, I have to really be concerned for myself, not to mention drinking for three days, isn't entirely cheap.

[ChristopherT]

Day 28 Tuesday.

Well, I felt better today... I was a little worried I would end up with a three day hangover or other things I read about along with Fluoxetine and alcohol. But I guess I have felt worse, when I wasn't on Fluoxetine, so I can't use it as an excuse.

It is also, a trait I remember, that I tend to drink more in a breakup up, or end of a bad relationship... So I don't know if I can blame the Fluoxetine, for making me want to drink more. Except that I do seem happy when I do it, and as long as I'm having fun, it may be harder for me to go home.

I also lost my Jacket on the weekend, and there was a kind of altercation, where a guy I was with got in some trouble, with some underground characters, while having breakfast. These kind of things I worry about, that if I feel over happy, I may not realize problems under my nose. But anyway I will take it, and see how it goes.

I confronted my gf, about the problems, seems we are now broken up. She seems like she used me, and probably could lead me on for long, rather then letting me get through and over this. So in that way, I thank Fluoxetine, for getting me through something, which may have taken longer, and sucked more out of me energy wise. My chest was a bit in pain throughout today (broken heart) but I remained headstrong, and relatively optimistic that I can get through all this.

[Ihatesnow]

Great diary! I'm starting day 3 and read soo many horror stories last night had made up my mind to stop! Nice to read experience of somebody who's carrying on with life and not being carted off to the er with horrendous side effects - maybe I will be as lucky. Well done and thanks for the insight!
Susan

[ChristopherT]

Hi Susan.

Glad that I could help a little and give a alternative experience.

Oh, day 3 wasn't great. I seem to remember days 6-10 being around the worse time...

There was a day or two there, where I thought "really?" But after around that time, I stopped getting as much anxiety.

I think the couple of days I got some sun and went for a swim in the ocean, were the most positive. I guess sunshine, and excercise and the water helped... Also a (feel) good movie, might help too.

Anyway I'm still not over the hurdle, but I guess by about week 5 I will feel the full effects.

---------- Post added at 07:48 ---------- Previous post was at 07:45 ----------

Day 29. Wednesday.

Hmm well, I guess I'm still keeping a level head and kind of positive in thought. I do have this heart break physical kind of feeling, that seems separate from my mind, which makes is easier to deal with but still not great. But I guess that's what heart break is, and at least I'm not over thinking or dwelling on it. I still confident, that things are moving forward, and while I'm not perfectly back to normal yet, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, hopefully.

[ChristopherT]

DAY 30 THE DAY I TRIED RITALIN AGAIN. (with Prozac) First time since day 13.
:ohmy::ohmy::ohmy::ohmy::ohmy::ohmy::ohmy: :ohmy::ohmy::ohmy::ohmy::ohmy::ohmy:


First thing in the morning I felt a bit down. 9am.


Then I felt really up for two hours. I thought this is the most up that I have been, since I started, and probably for quite a bit. 11am.


Then, I had my tablet, about 30 minutes after, the effects of taking the 20 mg Fluoxetine, must have hit me, because I felt slumpy again. I noticed my hands a little bit sweaty, a good indication of the side effects, as I had never had that before... Though it must be said, I can say they are not that sweaty. Very slightly, so perhaps that side effect is improving. I also think this slump I had before, after taking the Prozac pill. But it lasted two hours. So if i'm improving, these effects should be gone soon. 1 pm.


Another thing, is I am tempted to start Ritalin again, if only in small doses. I need the pick up it gives, and I think it should be okay to test to see if depression still happens with it... Anyway I will see how I go. 1pm


2pm Feel good. Instead of Ritalin, I had some caffeine to perk me up.


2:30. Decided to take 1 10 mg tablet of Ritalin. For the first time since day 13. (2 and a half weeks ago, the same time my Fluoxetine symptoms got better. at the time I was taking 30-40mg) It's effect usually lasts about 3-4 hours.


3:30 Felt Amazing.:yesyes: It's so weird. I went to the beach, it was colder than i expected, storms coming over... But I had no hesitation jumping into the waves, and it felt and looked so good! It was only when the rain turned to bits of ice, and i thought i better leave. But what a rush.:yahoo:


4:30 I felt really good. I have more focus, and seem to get more out of my time.


5:30 Still feeling very good, happy, focused and motivated. The Ritalin might wear off in an hour. Will have to see.


6:30 Still felt could and focused but perhaps a little more irritable than usual. Deciding to have one more Ritalin 10 mg tablet, for the next 4 hours.


8:30pm Well I feel good and positive. But I feel a slight faster heart beat, and perhaps a little bit of anxiety... But luckily tonight i don't need to be social.


My thing is, I do like the Ritalin, it keeps me focused, motivated, and quick on the ball. But I don't like that it seems to add to my anxiety and depression, and makes me a bit fidgety. In a perfect world, by day 36, I will be very relaxed and happy from the Prozac, whilst being focused, and motivated from the Ritalin. Then I will no doubt be, able to not only get over my depression and anxiety, but also excel when I do. That is the plan!


I love the way both drugs, make me feel and act, when they are working well, I just hope that I can find a good combination for everything. Considering I was heart broken two days ago. I think I'm doing pretty damn well!!

9:30pm, now... Today was a step forward.

[Ihatesnow]

You seem to be doing so well! Good for you. Heartbreaks really are a part of life but you have a good attitude and I'm sure you'll be fine and fall in love again.

[ChristopherT]

Ihatesnow.

Yeah, heartbreak is an interesting thing. About 6 years ago, I didn't really open my heart to anyone, for about 5 years.. I guess it was after the last pains... But I decided what was the point, if you were not 100 percent into it. I guess I just have to remember that, without going back to the way I was, afraid of something deeper.

So we will see, but I should probably take my time, get energized and meet someone when I feel better about myself and life in general.

---------- Post added at 23:25 ---------- Previous post was at 23:05 ----------

Day 31 Friday. (And Day 32 Saturday)
I decided to lower the amount of Ritalin I had with my 20 mg of Fluoxetine. And had just 10 mg of Ritalin (1 tablet) which I halved and had over the day.

I wasn't as productive, but I was okay. At night I went drinking, I felt some slight anxiety, more than the week before. So it seems, even at this stage, the negative side effect of having Ritalin with Prozac, is it gives me more a bit more anxiety. Still though it was manageable. The day after drinking I did have some depression, but it was manageable I guess. I have read on here, that it seems like after 5 weeks, the Fluoxetine takes care of depression, however for anxiety it can take longer, up to 8 weeks.. So maybe after 8 weeks, I would have more success, taking both medications at once.

Still on days I don't need to socialise as much and need to get a lot done, I'm thinking I will keep taking the Ritalin.

[ChristopherT]

Sunday Day 33
All good today. I had my 20 mg Fluoxetine tab as usual. I felt good, I didn't feel the need to take Ritalin. Just had my Vitamin B, and Omega Oil 3,6,9... Until night, when i had half (5gms) of Ritalin, and felt fine.

All in all a good day, and very promising that the Fluoxetine is doing it's job.

[hopey]

to once wasasuperegirl.

Hi I have been on fluexotine

How long were you on it before it took hold please? thanks

[ChristopherT]

Hi Hopey, in case you missed it


All my close friends n family know I'm on fluox, to be honest if someone treated me differently because I'd been having a hard time I'd be inclined to not bother with them as they're very small minded.

Hopey, I'm afraid fluox takes awhile to work even longer for the side-effects to diminish nothing to do with age I don't think. Personally I didn't feel a real difference till about 10 weeks, I noticed improvements before then like improved sleep n eating but by 10 weeks I was feeling positive about recovery x x

[OncewasSupergirl]

Hopey, will be 16 weeks this Thursday but as posted above it was 10 weeks before I felt confident of recovering. However even after a week I noticed a small difference, have to say its been amazing though never had this effect with an antid' before despite the side effects x x

[ChristopherT]

Once was Supergirl That's great you feel so positive about it, especially since you went through such a long battle with the side effects. Hopefully you will be like the others who mentioned in changed their life.

---------- Post added at 11:41 ---------- Previous post was at 11:33 ----------

Day 34 Monday.

I'm a bit sleepy now, but I want to write this anyway. So today I had a bit more Ritalin... I felt okay with it, I didn't need to socialise much though. I perhaps had a little down turn, that I wouldn't have had without it, but basically I think the two are going well together.

The Fluoxetine seems to be doing good. I'm actually looking forward to the morning when I have another one, because now i have in my head, that with each one i seem to be improving.

I can't really feel any side effects now from the Fluoxetine. I didn't even notice the sweaty palm thing i had, in the middle of the day before... which was mild anyway. And I seem to be sleeping and eating well again. I also seem to be coping a lot more with the problems in my life that were bringing me down.

I even thought, I could meet someone new in the future, today, where as recently I couldn't think like that. An old friend even offered to introduce me to some of her nicer female friends. :blush:

[ChristopherT]

Day 35 Tuesday, five full weeks later.

Hi.. Not that much different today.... Increased my dose of Ritalin a little bit, felt a slightly down at one point, but it wasn't that bad. I may have to wait a bit longer to increase my dose..

Still taking 20mg of Fluoxetine.. Seems to be working okay. I guess I don't need to increase the dose, I'm not jumping for joy, but feel rather positive.

Today, was similar to other days. So here is a joke, about Psychologists I found funny.

"


A psychologist was walking along a Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle poking up through the sand. Opening it, he was astonished to see a cloud of smoke and a genie smiling at him.
"For your kindness," the genie said, "I will grant you one wish!" The psychologist paused, laughed, and replied, "I have always wanted a road from Hawaii to California."
The genie grimaced, thought for a few minutes and said, "Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't do that! Think of all the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how long they'd have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement. That's too much to ask."
"OK," the psychologist said, not wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm a psychologist. Make me understand my patients. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, what do they really want? Basically, teach me to understand what makes them tick!"
The genie paused, and then sighed, "Did you want two lanes or four?"

[ChristopherT]

Day 36 Wednesday... I went drinking with friends.. I was surprised at how relaxed I was. I noticed a big difference with the opposite sex. Everybody went for a dance too, and I found it very easy, being completely unselfconscious. I think I'm getting a bit higher tolerance again, partly, because I was so relaxed, I didn't feel the need to drink as quickly.

Day 37 Thursday. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Day 38 Friday. Today was strange. I did have some up down moments. Definitely had a few waves of depression. I can't say if that's because of the Fluoxetine for sure, but maybe. Perhaps, because two days before I drank, it catches up 2 days later... I don't know, but it definitely was a bit of a serious patch of depression, compared to what I've had to deal with recently *Thankfully.

One reason, I was depressed, was I had to give up my life, and successful business, to come back to Australia and be unemployed. I hoped that, the Fluoxetine, and Ritalin, would motivate me to apply for jobs. But there has not been noticeable improvement... It's just something I seem to hate doing, but I have a lot of shame, guilt, from being unemployed, so I know I need to conquer this mountain ahead of me. I could try to start a business in a sense here, but I just don't have the motivation... I'm hoping, the Fluoxetine, will help me with keeping positive and MOTIVATED... I guess I will have to keep with it and see. I know if I was working, the combination of Ritalin and Fluoxetine, would help me 100 %... But there is some pyschological barrier stopping me applying for as many jobs as I should be.

[OncewasSupergirl]

Chris, don't be so hard on yourself its only been 5 weeks, I think you will find in a couple more weeks that you will feel more motivated. Have you been applying for jobs? "Should" is a very dangerous word we are all victims of "should" when suffering from anxiety. If you are making an effort that's good enough for now, focus on that rather than what you feel you should be doing x x

---------- Post added at 09:45 ---------- Previous post was at 09:44 ----------

Also, though I feel a lot better I still put of doing things, especially stuff that requires effort x

[ChristopherT]

Hi OncewasSupergirl,

Yes, I think that's the problem. It's great my happiness has increased, and that I feel no social panic recently at all, but I think all of that probably came from me being unemployed, or at least was worsened because of that. So you can't just be happy, I think it's a combination, of slowly changing the things that we were unhappy with I guess.

Yes, It's that I am putting off things, and being relaxed about it, that bothers me I guess. But I hope you are right, and I will get more motivated, to the point that I used to be. I have been applying for work less now then before, strangely. I think for a while, I was just waiting for everything to settle down, but now I'm a little bit disappointed I'm not more motivated to do things, that require effort. Ritalin was really good for that, but I'm afraid of the depression I felt it was worsening, so I'm trying to take less than I did before.

////
Day 39
Feel generally happy, but something is missing. I need to be more productive for the happiness to make sense... But I will try to be patient, and try change if I can. Socially, though, things seem great. I seem much better with conversation, and meeting people for the first time. It's the seemingly uninteresting things, that my mind seems to be having trouble with. Perhaps I need to take more Ritalin again. I will see.

---------- Post added at 06:26 ---------- Previous post was at 05:48 ----------

- I guess we have to remember. Now that we have hit a low, if we can climb back up, to greater heights, it could be very inspiring to people like us.

A lot of the time I forget there could be people like me, struggling, who my change might help... At least I hope it could.

[ChristopherT]

Day 40 Sunday...

Um well, last night I didn't go out, for once over the weekend. I figure I would stay in. I felt a bit depressed, and that seemed to continue today.

I don't know if it was that I took two Ritalin pills the day before, or because I didn't drink (withdrawals?), or maybe it was seeing a photo of my ex girlfriend in my facebook news feed in the morning with people commenting "Goddess".

Whatever it was, it seemed I was getting in a rut. So I did what I did on day 30, and I had some Ritalin, and went to the beach...

This is when it seemed, I felt the effects of the Prozac. All my worries seemed to go, the beach looked surreal, and I think the combination of that, and the physical exercise of swimming seemed to get me back on course, to care free and more positive.

I get the feeling at this stage, the prozac for me is like a very good supporting friend. It will help, but in the end, I need to try and help myself with support of the Prozac to get the real benefits.

[ChristopherT]

Day 41 Monday.
Today was better. I applied for some jobs, generally a good day. I did do some audio hypnotism last night, to stop me procrastinating, doesn't hurt, and might have helped.
(Dose: 20 mg Fluoxetine, 10 mg of Ritalin -Maximum allowed daily dose for me is 60mg)

Day 42 Tuesday
Last day of week 6.
Today was also good. I did the anti procrastination/laziness hypnotizing audio thing again last night... I figured if my subconscious is holding me back, it might be another way to get me moving. Who knows if it works, but anyway, I applied for more jobs today, so something is working.
(dose: 20 mg of Fluoxetine, 20 mg of Ritalin)

[OncewasSupergirl]

Sounds like your doing well Chris, n I completely agree that the Prozac helps to get you moving and motivated to deal with your issues. That's definitely how I use it. I've had that surreal feeling too, it used to really bother me but I'm just used to it now. Its normal to have some down days at the stage you're at, n as for seeing a pic of your ex on FB most people would be bothered by that x x

[ChristopherT]

Thanks OncewasSupegirl for your positive and experienced feedback.


//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Day 43 Wednesday
Today I felt fairly okay. I talked to my ex for the first time since we broke up, and had a bit of a drop in happiness for a couple of hours, but I felt definitely stronger than I would have felt a month ago. Not quite as productive as I should have been.
(Dose: 20mg of Fluoxetine, 20mg Of Ritalin)

Day 44 Thursday
Today I slightly increased the dose of Ritalin, to make me more productive. Seemed to be okay, but later at night I talked to a stranger (female) and felt a bit awkward/slight anxiety... Anyway today was still a good day I guess. Kept in positive spirits. But i really don't want to be awkward socially, if I can help it.
(Dose: 20mg of Fluoxetine, 25mg Of Ritalin)

Day 45 Friday
Well one good thing about all this, is I'm not so busy, so I'm doing better at remembering families birthday's and giving more time to friends and family... I guess that was something I was a bit guilty of, over the years.

I went out tonight, just for dinner... a long journey just for dinner, kind of took away from it a bit, but anyway it was nice to catch up with a group of friends, I found myself being very vocal, and a kind of "life" of the table... Which, to me seems more of the me, I would hope to be. I felt satisfied / proud that this time, I kept it short, and managed to go home after dinner.

I'm still contacting my ex via text/mail, and I know I probably shouldn't but at this stage anything goes. Overall I think the Ritalin, and Fluoxetine are having a good effect.
(Dose: 20mg of Fluoxetine, 20mg Of Ritalin)

[ChristopherT]

Day 46 Saturday No entry.

Day 47 Sunday
I didn't really sleep much last night, as I went out...and woke up early. I felt okay today , but a bit vague maybe. I had the Fluoxetine later in the day. I've come to realise that that is probably not the best idea for me.

Last night, a friend I went out with, though who has not known me for long, was surprised I could go up to a nice lady, and introduce him to her. I think he suspected I was taking something, because the times I had hang out with him before, I was more socially awkward. Still, I found myself talking to woman, more as friends, then in a man/woman kind of way. But i guess that's normal after a proper break up, and maybe also that my self esteem is still recovering from being burned.
(Dose: 20mg of Fluoxetine, 25mg Of Ritalin)



Day 48 Monday...Today I didn't feel great. Possible because I had the Fluoxetine late at night yesterday, and early today...Maybe just a bit zoned out. Anyway I suppose I'm okay.

Note to self: try to be more consistent with the timing of the Fluoxetine.
(Dose: 20mg of Fluoxetine, 25mg Of Ritalin)


Day 49 Tuesday (End of Week 7)
Last night and today I was feeling down. I guess it's as OnewasSupergirl says, it's still an up and down Journey still at this stage. These last few days were kind of bad, today and last night I was pretty depressed.... I dunno it's either a stage, or the fact, I went out twice on the weekend, and drank a different type of alcohol, maybe that affected me more... Or maybe it just is a down patch...or the fact I took the Fluoxetine at a different time on Sunday.. or a combination most probably... I feel a bit better at night writing this... Recently I've been going swimming to get out of these kind of moods, but it was too cold today.
(Dose: 20mg of Fluoxetine, 17.5 mg Of Ritalin)

Here is the Drug interactions between Fluoxetine and Ritalin.
Interactions between your selected drugs

http://images.ddccdn.com/img/icons/interaction-2-big.png fluoxetine ↔ methylphenidate

Applies to:Prozac (fluoxetine) and Ritalin (methylphenidate)

Talk to your doctor before using FLUoxetine and methylphenidate. This can cause altered consciousness, confusion, poor muscle coordination, abdominal cramping, shivering, pupillary dilation, sweating, high blood pressure, and high heart rate. If you take both medications together, tell your doctor if you have any of these symptoms. You may need a dose adjustment if you take both medications. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

---------- Post added at 14:35 ---------- Previous post was at 14:23 ----------

In reply to this interaction...
My doctor did say to try reduce the Ritalin, though I haven't spoke to my doctor since a few days before day 1. I haven't spoken to the Psychiatrist, I was seeing, in over 3 months. Both doctors are new to me, and quite far from where I live. So I've been trying to do this myself, (with the help of this site) as best I can. I don't think I really have these symptoms, if anything, I would say maybe an altered consciousness could be a symptom, but hopefully not. It's interesting i need to check with Vitamins and herbs too, as I do take some. Anyway hopefully the hic up is over and back to good times tomorrow. Anyway 7 weeks passed, and no states of panic/ panic attacks.

[ChristopherT]

Day 50 Wednesday.

After the past few days, I decided to slow on the Ritalin again.

Today was a better day I guess. I was reading about people deciding to take Fluoxetine on here, and people were scared...

I honestly think that I would have less problems if I wasn't taking Ritalin, drinking a fair bit on the weekend, and going through a really cruddy break up... I still recommend Fluoxetine, at least for now... I think coming off it won't be so bad, I will just have to slowly come off it, if I do...

It does make me think back, say about 5 years ago, after I thought I was losing my mind, on a cruise ship, and having really crazy levels of panic...That was so scary. and I know it effected me for months, even years afterwards... But when the doctor gave me Prozac, I thought, well if it's just depression, then I don't need it. I can beat it myself...

So I used that, to instigate fear into myself, and I was able to work really hard, I was constantly working and motivated, from the moment I slept, to the moment I woke up... But looking back, I did have some bouts of depression. Serious ones.

So, I it's hard for me to stay, after only 50 days, would have it improved my situation had I taken it then.. It would have made me happier, and more positive no doubt. But would I have been and hungry and motivated as I was... I don't know. All I know, is that for whatever reason, I am suffering some motivation problems now, for the big things. For the little things, like making food, and simple things, yeah I seem fine. But for the big things, which require, a huge drive, which I have used to in the past, I can't seem to find... Perhaps, it's all just a side effect of my recent negative situation though. All in all, I am still glad I took the prozac, and feel for the most part, it's really helping me.

As for the Ritalin, and definitely does help me for my problems for focus, it just seems it adds to my depression, with prolonged use.

(Dose: 20mg of Fluoxetine, 5 mg Of Ritalin)

[ChristopherT]

Day 51 Thursday
Day 52 Friday
I went swimming today and felt better. I went out at night, and didn't really eat properly before drinking. Also I put down my phone for a second, and it was stolen which was unfortunate. Anyway, I attended an event related to my friends company. I felt a bit nervous, going in, talked about it with the bouncer and he said I should have some shots. So I did. I did get quite drunk, and danced a lot, but I was in control I guess, but a little silly regrettably. I went alone, but made some friends, while I was there. I'm not sure if it's me, but the Fluoxentine seems to make me very calm. I guess it's a good thing. At one point on the way home (in not the best area), somebody seemingly tried to rob me (or at least strongly request $20), with a bunch of large guys. But I was so blasé about the whole thing, the bouncer size guys instead tried to befriend me. Had i been nervous, it might have been seen as a weakness. That's one thing I noticed, more than regular drinking, drinking and fluoxetine makes me, (maybe foolishly) fearless, and relaxed, and friendly.
Day 53 Saturday - Today I didn't take the fluoxetine, I was going to take it at night, but after last week I decided IT'S BETTER TO MISS A DAY THEN TO TAKE FLUOXETINE AT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TIMES
Day 54 Sunday
Today I felt okay, depression wise, but sleepy, probably just from the weekend.

[ChristopherT]

Another quote about Prozac from the book "The Happiness Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt:

"In Listening to Prozac,44 Peter Kramer presents case studies of his patients whose long-standing depression or anxiety was cured by Prozac, and whose personalities then bloomed—greater self-confidence, greater resilience in the face of setbacks, and more joy, all of which sometimes led to to big changes in careers and relationships."

Day 55 Monday. Tomorrow the end of week 8.
Well, I hope my excessive weekend stories don't make me sound too over the top. I feel okay today, not really any anxiety... Haven't really had any serious anxiety for a while, I actually feel socially, skilled in a way, if that makes sense.

But the depression thing seems to be lingering back. Probably mostly because i haven't had a lot of good fortune of late, and I was spoilt with a very lucky life (or so I felt/ told myself) before recent times. I guess that can be the nature of depression, for a lot of people.. I do have feeling that within about 2 months, my life will have a big improvement. I just have to remember that, as the face of depression lurks around the corner trying to tell me otherwise. I think I have always tried to think positive, so hopefully Prozac will help me on that path.

[ChristopherT]

I read quickly all of what I have written so far. It's interesting to get perspective, and see that I have changed styles as I was going through.

I definitely was having a harder time in the first couple of weeks. Then, I seemed to get positive, in comparison to the first couple of weeks.. Then I kind of hit a peak, and it looked like things were getting better, and now they have slightly maybe hit a plateau a little bit.. Not as positive as I may have expected I would be.. But I did say, that I hoped in a few months things would all be getting better... Which is still a few weeks away I guess.

Anyway. Here's hoping!

---------- Post added at 13:10 ---------- Previous post was at 13:07 ----------

Oh and it did remind me i had about 5 outings in a row, where i felt nervous and panicky at that stage... And recently I haven't had anywhere near that kind of panic situation...

I still get a bit anxious about my life, but not so much social anxiety which is great..

[ChristopherT]

Day 56 Tuesday, end of week 8
Today felt good. No real anxiety or depression. Seemed pretty positive, let's see how long it lasts.

[ChristopherT]

Day 57. Doing Fine still. Still on 20 mg.

I'm fine, and okay. I'm not over the moon with joy... But I suppose that's not such a bad thing. My image of anti-depressants, when growing up was people who had this blank zombie smile, and seemed over the top, and strangely happy.

I remember I had a friend. Beautiful intelligent girl, who when she was about 17, developed schizophrenia.... It was a terrible situation for her I'm sure. I just remember seeing her, while she was on medication, and me and others were commenting, that she seemed really spaced out, yet happy. I guess nowadays, she is probably doing better. Part of taking medication for me, is overcoming personal stigma, or guilt, I may have grown up thinking of and towards pills for the mind.

Nowadays, i see my parents, who would not be alive if not for the wonders of certain pills to control this or that. I mean it would be great if we didn't need pills, and some of the lucky ones don't... But I guess you never know... One of the seemingly luckiest people, Angelina Jolie recently made and article about her double mastectomy, also pushing the point that if you chose to do something assertive in this sense, it shows power more than weakness, or something we should feel ashamed of.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0

Ah I guess I'm rambling on. Somebody suggested I see a counselor today, and I was informed there are free services available as well. Probably something I should (and other people) might want to look into as well.

As great a resource this site has been,but particularly because I found doctors and psychiatrists, who seem rushed for time and friends who had changed immensely over time, that i didn't want to burden... One thing I needed also I think, was a voice. Having broken up with my girlfriend, and relocated, it's strange it took me this long to realize that, but I think it's also an important part of the recovery process.

[Ihatesnow]

Good for you! Really glad to read you're doing well! Can recommend the counsellor - I thought I'd hate it but actually it's really very good and they push you in a positive way to challenge yourself all the time! Anyway something to think about?

[ChristopherT]

Yeah I really need to get on that and book an appointment with a counselor, just speaking on the phone to an expert who referred me to some numbers. She was so understanding yet respectful, it was a breath of fresh air.

I'm not sure about numbers for Canada, the UK etc but in Australia, for any body in this area that might be curious this place was called Beyond Blue. http://www.beyondblue.org.au/ 1300 22 4636

---------- Post added at 09:57 ---------- Previous post was at 06:46 ----------

Day 58 Thursday
Feel good today. When I was out in the day, I felt slightly anxious, but a song I knew came on and I felt good, from then on.

Doing well avoiding depression. Just hope to keep smooth sailing for a longer period of time, this time.

Probably going to meet an old friend, and also go to a house party on Saturday. Both of which will be a test, one because seeing a very old friend from high school gives me some anxiety, because I feel this or that, about myself. Also going to a house party is a challenge, because people usually actually try to get to know you a bit, so it's a little more awkward maybe.

But I feel in a good position now that I can hopefully cruise through both experiences compared to what I would have 4 months ago. Just gotta be positive i guess, and hope for the best.

[ChristopherT]

Day 59 Friday.
I don't want to jinx myself, and speak to soon, but I think I'm on a roll.

Feeling good in the day, starting to feel a bit motivated and inspired. A bit like what people say, that old self. It makes me realize how far I've fallen down. Anyway, I always used to hear, there's no point crying over spilt milk. So that's why I'm trying to do at the moment as well, just trying not to be hard on myself, trying to avoid anything negative, and be a bit more positive.

I've seen the depths of the there, and it's a good deterrent.

Anyway this is good, because I'm not only feeling good, and having 20 mg of Fluoxetine per day, but I'm also taking 30 g of Ritalin, which I wasn't able to take before... So I've been doing that the last few days and staying positive, and that's my goal to be able to keep those doses going for a few months at least while I get back on track.

[Ihatesnow]

Keep it up! My therapist suggested a journal so I could see how far I'd come and how many more good times than bad i have! I find it useful. He also says if you have 30 mins or whatever of anxiety a day that's still a success cause the rest of the day ou were fine AND you coped with the anxiety! It helps me just put it all in perspective! Keep on going - onwards and upwards

[ChristopherT]

Yeah a Journal seems like a good idea. This is a semi-journal I guess, as I can go back to the day "whatever" and see what I was like then.

I guess it's coming together as a story.

I did some brief reading on the "similar" meds to Prozac just yesterday. I

thought Paxil was almost the same, but apparently it has much worst side effects, and harder to come off, but it's better for social anxiety and good for general anxiety and depression.

Prozac helps social anxiety, but is more for depression and general anxiety.

Citalopram, has less strong side effects than Prozac, but is not as good at helping heavy depression, but is pretty good with anxiety apparently.

So anyway I guess I need to help myself a bit with the social anxiety, which suits me, as long as i have a bigger hand for the depression and general anxiety.

Day 60 Saturday.

Another good day, felt a bit tired by night, but might be for other reasons. No complaints, all looking pretty good.

[ChristopherT]

Day 62 Monday..


A friend had a birthday yesterday.... I drank quite a bit... My friend gave me valium, 20x10 mg tablets...i just had one, ive never had it before... i also took prozac snd ritalin, and drank s bit...i guess it should be ok...bit concerned but hopefully ok,,

[ChristopherT]

I found this website useful, as it allows you to check multiple interactions between drugs/medicine, and things like vitamins, caffeine, etc.
edit- never mind.

[ChristopherT]

MY MISTAKE

Don't take these drug interaction sites as to be 100% fact.

Someone I looked up to Heath Ledger, took a combination of prescription drugs.

Xanax, Valium, Unisom, Restoril, Vicodin, OxyContin

I looked up the interactions of them on one of the interaction sites, and found many MODERATE interactions... So if the site couldn't pick that up as a serious problem, then it's not something to live by.

[ChristopherT]

Day 63 Tuesday
Things seem to be going well. I feel in good spirits, anxiety seems to be manageable. I do have Valium now, which I figure, I can use 2.5 grams, which is not much, but would take the edge of if i need, in much the same way that i use cigarettes, or alcohol. But I'm sure I can be sensible with it.

My only problem as far as being sensible, is probably alcohol, but I guess I'm doing better than I have in the past in controlling my drinking.

So Fluoxetine, at 20 mg. Still dabbling with Ritalin, not usually taking much, but I should take a bit more most probably. Anyway happy with how things are going I suppose.

I feel free in a sense, that I'm not thinking about my ex, which is really refreshing, and what I was hoping for. I think I accepted and moved on, for the most part, in a pretty unfortunate situation. So I'm happy about that as that had been getting me down for a long time.

[Whiskey]

Hi ChristopherT, its really interesting reading through your posts. Im on fluoxetine 20mg and am on day 32, although the side effects have reduced, I still get a little anxious most days but over all I feel okay, not completely back to normal. I worry about drinking alcohol and taking these meds....do you not feel more anxious the next day after drinking? Also I worry about it effecting the fluoxetine, I did however, have 3 glasses of wine the other night and felt totally okay the next day! Im still off work, been off for 4 weeks and 2 days, just want to get back to normal quickly!!! Glad your doing well, its nice to read, well done

[ChristopherT]

Hey Whiskey, good to hear from you.

I guess three glasses is not much, so you should be fine. I could say drinking probably above maybe 5 or more, you might get a bit more anxious the next day, depends on the person. It's not recommended to drink with it, but I guess I have read some people doing and being okay, while others had problems. But I think a few drinks is probably fine, maybe not everyday though.

Interesting enough, at about day 58 I've started to feel right. I even drank a lot last weekend and didn't really have any repercussions as far as I could tell.

Before that, I would say yeah I got anxiety the next day, but I was drinking water, having re-hydrating fluid, vitamin B, and trying to eat well, so I escaped bad effects on a couple of times, but the other times, maybe I'd wish I hadn't hehe (But what else is new, when you are hungover) . Yeah so it's up to you, obviously if you can keep it minimal you should be okay. That being said, I sometimes got anxiety the next day after drinking a lot of alcohol before prozac, so maybe it wouldn't happen to everyone.

[Ihatesnow]

Hi whiskey all I can tell you is that I took prozac a long time ago and drank regularly with no side effects at all. As they say everyone is different but if you feel ok you probs are ok. Good luck!

[ChristopherT]

Day 64 Wednesday.

I feel good today. I'm clearer it seems, and feel a little more ballsy in my decision making and stuff. I guess that comes from feeling a bit better, and regaining confidence. Seems like i'm on a bit of a streak.

[OncewasSupergirl]

Its common to feel anxious when hungover, I used to get it a lot after a big night, used to call it the "dreads" lol. I've only drank once on Fluox, but that's more to do with the fact I don't want to drink anymore as I don't feel it brings anything to my life. Its common to feel drunker, more quickly on Fluox as the fluox makes you absorb the alcohol quicker I think x

[ChristopherT]

yes! Oncewassupergirl is right!

I forgot to mention, that you will probably get drunker quicker on Fluoxetine. What I think, is in the first month, that was more extreme... But recently after about two months, I still feel it affecting me more than usual, but it's not too bad.

Also, I was talking about mixing medications. I did some research.

Just so people can feel a bit reassured that overdoses are not usually the result of fluoxetine combinations, so without causing panic... Here is what I found

"That said there are commonly abused drugs that don’t mix well: opioid painkillers and tranquilizers.

Opioid pain relievers are brand names such as: Oxycontin (http://www.recoverycorps.org/addiction/prescriptiondrugs/oxycontin/), Fentanyl (http://www.recoverycorps.org/addiction/rehabilitation/fentanyl-addiction/), Methadone, Vicodin (http://www.recoverycorps.org/addiction/prescriptiondrugs/vicodin/), Lortab, Endocet, Percocet (http://www.recoverycorps.org/addiction/prescriptiondrugs/percocet/), Roxicet, and Tylox.

Tranquilizers or depressants are brands such as Valium, Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin (http://www.recoverycorps.org/addiction/prescriptiondrugs/klonopin/), Restoril, Thorazine, Haldol, and Compazine.

These combinations are usually found in overdose deaths."

www.recoverycorps.org/addiction/mixingdrugs/fatal-drug-combinations/ (http://www.recoverycorps.org/addiction/mixingdrugs/fatal-drug-combinations/)

[ChristopherT]

Day 65 Thursday.

Still going well. Hope you all are too!

[ChristopherT]

Day 66 Friday.
I have a new phone, so I need to set my reminder alarms for the different medicines. I keep taking the Fluoxetine too late, but in doing so I try to take it the next day a bit earlier, not too early or I might feel stronger effects. Anyway though things seem to be going well still, no real anxiety, or depression as far as I can tell. Just trying to pull everything together.

Oh wow, it's pouring rain outside, and it's not even depressing, isn't that great?

---------- Post added at 13:08 ---------- Previous post was at 13:06 ----------

Oh I hope I don't seem like the happy person, while other people suffering. Just trying to keep positive, and hope that everyone can get through whatever they are battling with.

[ChristopherT]

Day 67 Saturday.

For some reason, I didn't feel like going out this weekend. I think it was the rain, and I just didn't feel like going out, without anyone inviting me.

I guess it gives me time to focus on other things.

oh well, here is a 30 second animation to remind me what the Prozac is doing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocSptPUBbuo

It really does seem like people have problems on Prozac with the side effects. I guess you need to be prepared to get through it. It might not work for everyone.

To be honest, I had depression growing up. But I always couldn't understand being suicidal. I couldn't understand why someone would want to take their life. I remember once talking to a friend, over a decade ago, now who is happy, and sometimes helping me. He seemed really depressed, maybe even to the point of suicidal thoughts. I tried to get him to look towards the future, and all the fun things that awaited, but he seemed to think he could imagine the way everything was going to go... Boy was he wrong! A lot of great things happened to him since then.

Anyway although I wouldn't say I was strictly suicidal over these last few months, I could see similar thoughts. I'm also aware that part of that could be early side effects from the Ritalin, or Prozac. I've heard people say suicide is the easy way out. I guess it really depends. But after seeing depression in the way I have, I realise it's not usually something cowardly, as I have heard. It's more like a sickness, that takes over... Anyway, I think it's good I can sympathise with people like that, but I hope I never will have to again.

[Ihatesnow]

Well done Christopher t! Nice to see you're doing so well. I am still feeling pretty good, not dwelling on anxious thoughts or constantly checking to see how I'm feeling. No stress about going places and if I do have any I just push it away and think well I'm doing it anyway! Raining here too and cold - bloody annoying cos I wanna go out and play golf but am stuck in decorating:mad:

[ChristopherT]

Well sounds like you are doing great! Good to hear, oh and the weather was nicer today thankfully.

Day 68 Sunday.

Today felt good it was sunny. I went out, and forgot to take my Fluoxetine, or Ritalin.... But felt fine...

I guess from what I hear, I can probably do that for a few days before I feel bad... It's funny, the days I have not taken fluoxetine, I have actually always felt good.. It's almost like I get the good effects, without any, strange feeling... that's the only way I can put it. Not that I feel strange on Fluoxetine, but well, the days I have missed it, I seem to feel very relaxed and good. But from stories on here, I know a few days after that, depression and anxiety will probably come if I stop the pills... Anyway good to be out in the sun, definitely a natural way to keep the spirits up.

I'll be sure to have my prozac/fluoxetine tomorrow.

[ChristopherT]

Day 69 Monday.
The bath with some kind of healing salts I had yesterday seemed to make me really relaxed. I made sure it was extra hot, like a Japanese onsen bath for best effect. Slept very well, and even had dreams I remembered which is rare for me.

All in all I was in a very good mood for most of today and felt very relaxed.

I had 20 mgs or fluo but only 10 of Ritalin .

[ChristopherT]

Day 71 Wednesday.

I'd like to use the No More Panic cliché of sorts and say "I feel a bit like my old self"

[OncewasSupergirl]

Hi Chris,

Just wanted to add about 10 days after day 69 I started to have very vivid dreams in fact I dream most nights now, and can remember them when I wake up, its bizarre I don't know why! X

[ChristopherT]

Super!

That's really interesting....about the dreams, that you started remembering them...I'm not much of a night dreamer.

I wonder if it's just a positive thing, as it relates to us being a bit happier with maybe less anxiety, which creates a lot of thoughts, perhaps positive, they often say dreams are you inner mind speaking out... So maybe we are opening some doors that were wedged shut.... Not really sure, but not something that bothers me.

How's everything else going?

[ChristopherT]

Day 75 Sunday.

I've been feeling generally good most days. Didn't see the need to post.

I'm planning to travel to Melbourne and visit some friends. I'm not from there, but I have lots of friends there from different places.

This might be hard for me, as I remember getting anxiety and panic the last time I went to Melbourne, but I feel I'm in a different mindset now so we'll see how I go. I do like the place, it's just it's different and yet the same.

Anyway seeing all sorts of friends, highschool friends, travel friends, old room mates, it's going to be a bit of a test. Especially as I have been in a bad patch of my life. But I'm feeling brave, and that I can face them all with my chin up high enough, knowing that I am getting through all this.

I do know, recent times, probably some people have lost faith in me somewhat. While it did at first phase me, and make my anxiety worse, I feel like as I am getting more positive and less anxiety, things will start to happen again for me. I can never be sure, and I am aware that I could have a return or bouts of anxiety. We are only human, and I shouldn't lose hope if this happens. I feel like the more action I have, I only have myself to prove to, and when I do that, the assumptions of the people around me will change and follow. There is also the risk, that I may come across being overly optimistic or crazy to some extent in comparison to previous depression, then so be it. It seems to be the one thing that drives me anyway. Although others may, I refuse to lose faith in myself.

[Ihatesnow]

Really happy you're doing well. So good to be travelling and reconnecting and facing fears! Keep it up. I too haven't posted much as just trying to keep moving forward and keep pushing myself. Still get some odd spells of anxiety but just think that this is normal and do not dwell on it 24/7! Don't want to jinx it by saying I'm better but I feel much better - no ativan for 4/5 weeks. Hope you have a great trip

[ChristopherT]

Day 86 Thursday.

Thanks Ihatesnow for the encouragement (you seem to be doing really well), it actually was a test.. I think I did fairly well, I guess very well, in that I got along with most people, there were a few concerns though, which I will get into, but again that's normal.

Basically I met up with different old friends etc in Melbourne, and I was great in that I didn't have anxiety I was really friendly, and we all got along well.

On the flip side, we did drink too much, as I was meeting different people, it seemed to be a focus of the celebrations. At the end of a bundle of days, I did feel kind of hungover ill, for three days... I guess that's my own fault as you are not supposed to drink, let alone to such excess while taking Fluoxetine, but I can say, that might not have been severe, as much long winded.

Also though, I ran out of Ritalin on the holiday, I seemed to be okay afterwards, but a little bit more vague/less focused. I had a half day on at the end, when I was on my own, just feeling a bit awful, and did have some anxiety, but it wasn't too bad.

Also I noticed a trend, everyone I met had Zanex, or Valium, so I did have that some days and found myself even more relaxed... but not a very healthy week by any means.

At one point I think all the mix of pills, and drinking got a bit much, because I woke up, somehow, I had sleepwalked... Which is a bit damn scary, but I was having a LOT of fun. I was also dreaming more vividly, for someone who never remembers my dreams.

None of that really bothered me too much, as I don't see myself doing that everyweek, it was more of a holiday, long time catchup. If anything I noticed one thing, that might be a problem, or not...

WELL. So i haven't been in a relationship with a girl in a while, so even when girls came and talked to me, at a bar or on a train etc, I was fine, and we got along, a few girls made physical moves on me (putting a hand of my leg, etc) But I guess I was.. well ...shy or something. Seems strange. It might just be because I have had such a dry patch, in that area, being in a long distance relationship (I haven't even kissed/hugged a girl of late) , but part of it might also be psychological relating to the negative stories I hear about Prozac effecting Libido/(performance?) Who knows... but. SO THAT'S THAT.

It will all probably turn out okay, but that's the only thing I noticed, maybe different from my "old self" as people quote, except I guess after going through a long distance relationship, it kind of feels like i'm starting in that area all over again. So maybe that's why... Anyway for now, I guess it's not a big deal, unless it's starts to turn into a problem itself, which I'm hoping it won't.

Otherwise, I didn't really have too much anxiety or depression, so I guess that end of things was fine. Life isn't perfect anyway so I'll just keep going as is, as it seems to be going mostly well.

[ChristopherT]

Day 90 Monday

Well going okay, the last week, I was taking Fluoxetine every second day, and slowed down on the Ritalin as well... I was feeling okay, but I did get some slight anxiety, in that whole "the future is hopeless" kind of way... Which for me, isn't a good direction to go. So I will keep taking them every day, rather every second day.

I might be meeting a lady on Friday. Probably go to a couple of night events with her. I don't know what will happen, but she seems a bit keen. I'm feeling kind of frigid, which is kind of funny, but probably just need to get my feet wet, so to speak. Anyway even if we can just get along on a purely platonic basis, that would be okay.

On, the weekend I tried explaining to a guy, I'd not been with anyone for a while since my ex, that I didn't really feel like it so much, I think he thought I was weird, or gay or something. Oh well, at least I have been very friendly with friends and strangers.

I met a group of guys I consider old friends, I found myself a lot of more confident and smooth, and funny I guess, than of recent times... Even before I started drinking...

Where as with the anxiety, I'm sure I would have rushed to the bar more quickly, in this case, I was happy to take it slower, and didn't feel anxiety... Perhaps I have just grown more comfortable with these friends as well though.

The only problem came after we went to an absinthe bar... We all had a set amount of drinks, and I did end up continuing to drink after this.. for quite a while. I guess I wasn't overly drunk though, which is a good point... But I would rather had gone home earlier.

I guess I need to give myself stricter limits of when to stop, and call it a night, as childish as that sounds, it seems with no relationship, I'm free, but also in a lost kind of way. I wasn't depressed, I was quite happy the whole night, just still finding my place again I guess.

[ChristopherT]

Day 94 Thursday

Well, I'm going on a date tomorrow. Movies, dinner, and drinking after...

I guess the date seems to be happy about it, good thing she hasn't read my blog on here. hehe

Anyway it should be a nice change, since I haven't really spent time with someone since my last girlfriend. What a year... anyway I'm not really worried about the date, which is good.

I didn't take Fluoxetine for two days, while I was getting a new prescription, the local chemist was helpful, and said that Fluoxetine has a very long half life in your system, so even 4 days would have been okay. Better to take them in the morning he said.

Well, anyway I'm looking forward to the date tomorrow, even if just for a bit of social experience.

[Whiskey]

Good to hear you are doing well. Hope the date goes good. Im on day 70 of 20mg of fluox and things are going really well! Been on holiday last week and drank a barrel load evey night with no hangover, I guess im just lucky xxx

[ChristopherT]

Hey Whiskey. Good that you are still able to enjoy the things you like, while on your dose... It could also be I wasn't taking it every day recently.

Day 98 Monday
So the date... well, I have to say, it's the first actual proper bout of anxiety I've had in the last... dunno. I didn't take the flo, for two days before, so that could be why...

Oh well, I'm sure it's just something I need to work on again, and not so much like riding a bike. It didn't bother me too much, though I did end up rather drunk later on... that's another story... But yeah anxiety, at least I didn't dwell on it I guess. Also I didn't have that much motivation to pursue the date.

In other news I booked some tickets for traveling/ some business stuff overseas... So that's a nice change, and more important for now, then being super smooth in the date department. Something to look forward to anyway.

I still didn't go to a psychologist, or back to my doctor. I've been feeling okay, but I will do anyway. Anyway I will do both pretty soon, but besides the hiccup date/test run, I can say things are moving forward.

[ChristopherT]

Day 100 Wednesday!

The big 100.. Well the good news is things are finally looking up.. I'm getting back into my work side of things, and feel really good. I've had a really nice lady, ask to be my girlfriend, but as my father said to me, I really need to focus on myself I think for a while now. Anyway I'm happy the way things are coming along, it feels like things might actually go back to normal, and with this experience behind me, I might actually be able to achieve more in my life, and appreciate it more than I could before. Here's hoping NMP'ers all the best in getting to your 100, and beyond.

[ChristopherT]

Day 101 Thursday
So just to let you know. I've been keeping with the dose of 20mg. All good recently. Can't complain really about much.

I've been taking a little bit of Ritalin, but not much. I feel my life at the moment, is keeping me focused and in the mind set I need to be.

Was happy recently I kind of got in argument on Facebook with a friend of a friend, but rather than get sensitive about it, I ignored it, and they were the ones who looked silly in the end.

I have a wedding tomorrow, with some kind of family, so I will see all these people I haven't seen in a long time. That should be a big test, hopefully I'll be fine though. All the best guys.

Took me about three months to get out of this hole, but I am feeling like things are starting to brighten up.

[ChristopherT]

Day 105 Monday.

I have been really irregular with my taking the Fluo.

Maybe that's why I had some anxiety...

I really don't know, but I know Prozac, has been really helpful in getting over the depression I was having to help me move on.

Sometimes, I can feel anxiety coming back in lesser amounts. It may also because I sometimes take Ritalin, but I'm not sure. The anxiety is not to panic attack level, but at a wedding party recently, I was a bit uncomfortable talking to strangers, but that could just be the fact, I don't like explaining what I have been doing recently, to people who know I've not been doing much.

Anyway, it's not so bad, when I have a few drinks. But I also think I have a bit of a drinking problem, in that although I don't do it daily, sometimes when I do it, I don't know when to stop, until everyone goes home.

Still it must be said that Fluoxetine has pulled me from a terrible stage in my life, and kept me feeling more positive.

Anxiety it seems is better but not perfect. I noticed when I had the strong sleeping pills, such as Valium or Zanex my anxiety would be a lot better the next day, even with the Ritalin...

But part of me thinks, is all this medicine really that healthy for me? I do feel a drop in my sex drive, but i'm not sure if that would affect my performance in that area, perhaps I would just be more selective, which might not be a bad thing.

Unfortunately though, if everything's fine, but my sex drive is reduced, I will probably have to change, or do something with regards to that.

Ironically though, I think I had been using sex, an emotional stabilizer, which looking back was not a healthy way to look at sex. Especially going into a long distance relationship, it surely did show the holes, in that stabilizer.

So it's been refreshing to avoid depression in a world without sex. So now I would like to keep that mindset, while moving on to become physical with the opposite sex, for healthier reasons.

[ChristopherT]

Day 110 Saturday

Yesterday I talked to two good friends, and explained to them how I had been taking Prozac.. They were quite good about it. I said I didn't want people to treat me differently do I didn't tell them. I told them how, when I started I was in a long distance relationship, and so I didn't think a decreased sex drive would be a problem... and otherwise I'm really happy with the way Prozac has reacted with me. I'm finally back on track I think, just one problem, which I'm not 100 percent sure is from prozac but I guess there is a good chance. So I might have to switch to something else, or to take another pill for that. I said my goal is eventually to not be taking any pills, but in such an unfortunate time for me, I had used the pill to get through a tough situation. I don't feel any guilt with that, again I remember my father now, is much better than 7 years ago, in part, because he is good friends with a doctor, who gets him all the best medicine. Still I think no medicine is better than medicine. I think perhaps I was having a kind of crisis (mid life) and prozac has helped me get through that. I know longer feel like I'm losing my mind. That everything is helpless. Those thoughts are gone. There is only the possibility of a lowered sex drive, which a few years ago, I wish there was a pill to do that. But yeah here I am, single, and on the girl side of things.. Going back to where I was.. with a crazy amount of woman flirting with me... But I don't have the confidence that I would be able to.. hmm perform. But who knows, and to be honest it doesn't even bother me that much. That's the great thing. I probably will do something, if there are problems, but I'm not stressing about it. Like I would have before. Things are really good I guess. Or so the Fluoxetine tells me. ;)

Meanwhile looking forward to getting from a small town, back into a big city.

[ChristopherT]

Day 117

I'm starting to feel all the medicine I'm taking is working for me. I'm not really getting any kind of chemical feeling, I just feel rather productive, happy and focused. Probably a good thing for me. I had some opportunities to maybe have dates, but I turned them down, as I need to focus on myself for a while. Plus exactly sure, where I will based. But I feel confident, that on work levels, and social levels, I can perform, better than I have before.

Thus, my thoughts, that the combination of Prozac and Ritalin, would be beneficial to me, in making me happier, less anxious, and more focused on things I need to be focused on. As for the opposite sex relations, I feel this a good time for me to take a step back, and just see what's important.

[ChristopherT]

Day 158
Well all things are going well the Fluo. My sex life started up again, I was fine in the end. Though I did cheat at first, with those pills, it didn't seem like i needed them after all. My relations with people, are pretty awesome.

So far so good. My communication level is at peak, because i don't really have anxiety, and i'm also not feeling depression, even after a nights drinking or whatever. I notice people around me, getting anxious, or sometimes seeming to be depressed, and it kind of makes me think. I haven't taken the Ritalin recently, but I think it's better i do, because sometimes i just lose focus, on the things i need to do.

It's amazing, how i can have stressed out situations or people around me, but it seems to just keep me calm. Is that fake? Whatever I guess, it works, and people seem to appreciate someone who can always keep their cool. So that's that, till next time.

---------- Post added at 08:17 ---------- Previous post was at 08:13 ----------

I should add I still just do the 20mg Fluoxetine.
I think I could easily be taking the Ritalin everyday too, but at the moment i don't have easy access to them. Again, don't take them at the same time, and the first few weeks taking the two togethor are not plreasant, so better to stop the Ritalin at first if you can manage.

[MastiffMan]

I took 40 mg for many years. In retrospective I think it was too much. I could work ungodly hours and little at all bothered me. I do think though it did mask some of my emotions in interactions with those close to me. I feel a greater range of emotion on 20 mg. I also take a low dose of welbutrin which suits me well so far.

[ChristopherT]

Day 172
Well all is okay, but i'm now travelling abroad. I realise I am down to my last few pills, and I have been taking them every few days.

I'm not that worried, and seem to be going well, but I kind of am a little concerned about what will happen when I can't get access to new pills, and I will have the withdrawal effects. In the current location it seems hard for me to get access to the pills.

I kind of met a lady who I like, which is good. But I haven't told her about the pills. She takes sleeping pills though, so it's probably not a huge jump for her.

---Yeah mastiffman at first I thought 20mg might not be enough, but after about 6 weeks it seemed to be enough.

[ChristopherT]

Day 180
I havent had Fluoxetine or Ritalin in about 9 days. Still feel fine, hopefully all okay.

[ChristopherT]

What would be day 211,
Which is actually
Day 40 since stopping the pills .

The current lady I am seeing doesn't want me to take pills. I've been managing, though sometimes I can see the neg affects I had before returning and causing problems. I have had a bit of depression but not a.lot, and some anxiety though this has only really been in the last week .

I don't feel helpless yet , as I feel I have a lot more friends support where I am now . Still though, I don't think I feel as happy as I did before nor as carefree as when i took the flo but I'm managing to pull through everything okay .

[ChristopherT]

What would be day 245
Which is actually
Day 74 since I stopped taking the pills.

Presently, I have been taking half a sleep pill, every other day, which I think keeps me extra relaxed, though I'm not dependent on it I guess.

I haven't had any panic attacks, and I guess my anxiety is normal, for the situations I am. Depressions seems to have been fine most of the month, but lurking back a bit these last couple of days, but I think I can shake it.

I guess the sleeping pills substitute the flo, for the anxiety. The ritalin, maybe I use a weak substitute, which is coffee, if I need it. I think living overseas, feeling like I'm travelling a lot of the time, is substituting for the flo with depression, that and maybe my relationship - but that itself does not seem to be the healthiest. This can sometimes be on the verge of an abusive relationship, which I have to be careful of because of my recent past with depression, and anxiety.

Something tells me, the flo, (maybe even the ritalin) may have prevented, or kept me better equipped to deal with a somewhat abusive / controlling relationship, but anyway hopefully that will sort itself out.

---------- Post added at 18:06 ---------- Previous post was at 18:01 ----------

Mastifman, yes recently my sleep patterns while off the Flo, have been pretty normal. Which is good. I feel pretty normal now without it, but I don't feel as motivated maybe, as I did when I was on flo (with Ritalin). I miss that, but on the other side, I guess I feel a little more grounded maybe..

[ChristopherT]

What would be day 320

Day 150 since I stopped taking the pills.

I have been travelling now for around 8 months with very little money.

I broke up with my last girlfriend, it ended pretty bad. I think she knew I had weaknesses and tried to destroy me, but I was able to get out of there in the end.

Now I'm in a city, called Taipei. I don't have a great deal of money, but I'm looking at ways how I can keep going, and get up and up.

I think it was good i was able to get off the Fluoxetine, without a big depression. Although my life is very shakey, for the most part, I'm not depressed, and I have little to no dark thoughts etc. But life is still a bit of a cliffhanger as to if I will survive this wierd lifestyle in foreign cities, or if I can finally step up, and get a full time job and visa in one of these countries. I guess I must be learning travelling country to country, I have been able to help some friend network internationally for work, so it has not all been just a silly backpacking eppisode. I feel generally good, but the uncertainty, is what makes me feel a little worried. But I guess it also keeps me motivated to keep pushing. Funny thing about Taipei, Taiwan, is that it seems as though special medications back home, can be bought over the counter at Pharmacies.

[ChristopherT]

7 months later , what would now be day 530.
although i stopped taking pills 360 days ago,

I met a girl i was dating who had hyper ADD, or ADHD . Anyway she had ritalin , and would give me some for focus, which reminded me in very small doses it can be very helpful, seemingly without the negative effetcts (1/4 or 1/2 a 10mg pill for those interested )

In relation to THE FLO.

Since taking the Flo/ Prozac, I do think I have a lowered sex drive on average, but it's not all the time. On the plus side, I don't really have problems with anxiety and depression recently. I try to avoid drinking in large amounts as these can affect depression and anxiety for me.

I had no big withdrawals from stopping fluoxetine. I sometimes miss the very positive and carefree feeling I had from it, but without it I still feel better, and perhaps it helped me get through a hard time in my life. Maybe this in itself is the best thing that fluoxetine offers. Being able to get me through some kind of crisis/ breakdown I thought I was having. In the future, if i had anxiety I would probably just try to get hold of Valium though, as I think one round of fluoxetine is enough for me.

---------- Post added at 04:12 ---------- Previous post was at 04:06 ----------

It's interesting for me reading the subject and the spelling mistakes, in it. It reminds me of the mess I was in, at that time. Although I was trying o keep my chin up, and also reminds me that THINGS DO GET BETTER.