Leading a secret life

[lisa p]

Hi

I am finding my pa's and not wanting to leave the house getting really bad over the last week.

I feel that I am leading two lives, one that is always the smiley happy wife/mum that trys to put a brave face on - when inside I am secretly so sad and unhappy. Yesterday I left for the school run in floods of tears, just the thought of it was awful. I tried to get my hubby to go but he refused. I know he is trying to do the right thing by making me go but its so difficult.

I feel ill everyday. From the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed I feel so sick, feel like I am going to pass out and my head just feels fuzzy. I have made an appointment to see the doc next week but dont even know if I will be able to make it.

I just feel life is so hard, hubby and kids want a holiday but I dont feel like going, my hubby has even suggested going to a hotel 20 mins drive from home, but dont feel up to it at the mo. I often lay in bed at night wishing that I could give my family more of a life. I really feel that some people just do not understand what we go through.

I often stand up at the school gates watching the other mums thinking god they havnt got a care in the world, and there am I with my handbag full of sickbags, rescue remedy etc. shaking and wanting to run back to the safety of my car and head for home.

Sorry to ramble on but dont really know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

lisax

[surreylady]

I know exactly how you feel, I am like this every day, the school is a 5 minute walk from me and I have to get a friend to take me there in her car, sometimes I cant even get out to stand at the gates.

It is very frustrating and upsetting but it will get better for us both. Try and get to the docs, he may be able to give you something to help and I know I always feel better after I have seen mine.

No one can know how this feels, only people who suffer daily with it. You are not alone in this.

Mandy xxx

positive attitude brings positive results

[tamla]

hi hun you deffinetly not on your own and i no how you feel when you say you,d love to give your family more of a life im the same id love to b able to go on holiday with them ur even a trip out some were my children have missed out on so much due to my panic and anxiey i feel ive been robbed of my life and its so unfair on my children even my husband he,d love to take me on a night out id love to but as you i panic anyway hun were all here for each other so welcome

t motown

[missacorah]

Yes I have the same feelings - sometimes the guilt plays as big a part as the actual anxiety. Be kind to yourself, you did not ask for this to happen remember.

[polly daydream]

Hi, I think you are doing great, at least you actually made it to the school, well done!and don't be fooled, I bet there are many others just like you at the school without you even knowing it and sharing the same battle as you. Make sure you do get yourself down to the dr's it is important, get a friend or relative to go with you for support, remember you are important to.

Take care,

Polly x

[eeyorelover]

Hi Lisa :)
I am so sorry you are having such a rough time right now.
I've been there too and it used to make me so sad and I used to feel guilty for not being able to do things with my kids that other moms were doing. But you know what?? You are doing the best you can Lisa and that is all anyone can do.
Yes you were shakey and wanting to run but you were there, standing at the gate and you didn't run away. That is a victory. I know it seems small but all the small victories over anxiety really do add up.
tc
xxx
Sandy

[jackie]

lisa please dont look at other mums, we are those other mums who look normal and happy, everybody has something and i wouldnt look at others in envy

i know it is hard for you and i know how hard it is to live with this thing

have you ever read claire weekes " self help for your nerves" it mentions the sickness. it is one of my worst things at the moment

not alone

jackie

[lisa p]

Hi

Thanks for all the helpful advice, guess I'm a bit low at the mo.

I really am going to try and go to the docs, think for the first time in 11 years I will try medication, just to try and calm the pa's.

Anyway thanks once again for taking the time in replying and reading.

lisa

[juju]

hi lisa,
i know how you feel hun, i always look at other mums and think-if they can do it so can i, then i think i bet there are more people standing at this school with anxiety/panic than i know, because its not really on show is it? but i always feel the guilt thing with the kids etc, its part of it i think, i dont wanna go away on hol either, if hubby mentions it i go cold with fright, then i look at the kids and feel awful like im not being a proper mum sometimes, but at the end of the day i know that my kids would rather me be happy and well than the irritable nervous wreck i could be if pushed into something i dont feel ready for yet
take care
julie

we are all stronger people after having this

[Insomniac]

Hi Lisa.

Well done for getting to the school. You didn't let this thing stop you getting there!

I always give myself a hard time when my family miss out on things because of me. But I have to remember it is an illness and not my fault. That is really hard to realise, and to keep hold of when you feel down. I told my boss last week about my PAs, and he was really understanding and told me that I'm not the only one in my work place suffering.

I started meds a couple of months ago, and feel they are helping. I didn't want to take anything, but I've been like this now for about 4 years, and wanted to start living my life instead of just existing. If the meds give me a help (like a walking stick) to get me going til I learn I can do it on my own then so be it. Well done for still getting out there. Just look at this site and remember there are lots of us out there with anxiety in some form. You are certainly not alone. :D

Lisa.

[spuds]

I am currently not feelng too bad, but two years ago felt very similar to yourself. During my worst stages of health anxiety/panic taking the kids to school was very difficult. I felt anxious, panicky, detached, unable to talk to other mums, shaky - I just couldn't get back home quickly enough to spend the day on the sofa paralysed with anxiety, frantic about my health.

I would really recommend you to get Claire Weekes "Self Help for your Nerves". It's not a solution but it's a good start. I found it very reassuring - it really is your nerves "bluffing" you, nothing is going to happen. If it does, you will deal with it.

I also found David Burns' "The New Mood Therapy" pretty good. This is CBT. It helps me to be more logical about my catastrophic thinking. It seems hard now, but can and will get better. Take care.

[Meg]

Lisa,

You are doing well by just getting there and doing the task in hand. The bit you need to work on is the thoughts behind it so not just surviving that one trip but learning that you are safe doing it and will not collapse/ pass out etc and thinking and starting to believe that you are genuinely ok.

Hope the doctor has some helpful words for you and maybe discuss with him some CBT instead or as well as medication.

Reward yourself whjen you suceed and write down how well you did so you can refer back to it. Maybe also do the school trip several times outside of school hours so you don't have that added pressure of the other people.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress

[BeeBee]

Hi Lisa,

Wish I could send you a big hug. I know it's hard but please don't feel bad when you compare yourself to other mums at school as so many of them have probably had similar feelings to you at some point. I'm a primary teacher and I've had many mums (often the ones you might not expect) come and chat to me because they're going through a bad time. Just bringing your kids to school everyday and facing the other mums can feel like a real challenge so you're doing a great job by just getting there - even if you do feel rotten.

Remeber that everybody has feelings like these (even teachers!)sometimes and it will get better. You have a family that loves you and you deserve to be happy.

Take care and keep going.