View Full Version : Feeling anxious & tearful - husband away
I know I haven't posted here so much lately, but I hope you'll be pleased for me that that's been because I've been feeling pretty good. I've gone and done things I never would have thought possible a few months ago - I even did a live radio interview yesterday morning - but tonight I'm being brought pretty low so I need your NMP support, please.
My husband has been away since this morning, visiting his family (they're near London, we live in the East Midlands) and the closer it gets to bedtime, the worse I'm gradually feeling :( I just can't stop fixating that even if I get through tonight ok, I've still got to get through all of tomorrow, and tomorrow night, and Sunday too. I want him to see his family, of course, but I already miss him loads and I don't know how I'm going to cope until Sunday with him not here. I'm welling up just thinking about it while I'm typing :(
I thought I'd been doing so well, but I can just feel everything sliding into a great big messy pile again with every passing hour.
You should try and watch something funny on the tele to take your mind off it. And maybe try fill your day tomorrow with activities. I know it wont take your mind off it that much but it might help.
Hey, I'm going through the same thing and it stinks. My fiance is away for work for a couple weeks and last night was my first night without him home. It was so hard to sleep I had to take diazepam even though I have tried to not rely on it lately. I was putting his clothes in the laundry and just his smell on his dirty clothes made me sad!! lol I know, that is probably gross.
I am trying to keep busy but I am feeling sick today so just laying around ... it's hard because I too think ... well I can get through today, but then theres the rest of the days. We'll get through it!
I'm sorry you're going through the same thing, swgrl - it's no fun, is it? I also sorted the laundry earlier, and I deliberately washed my clothes and not my husband's, because a tiny irrational part of my mind was saying "this way, if anything happens, at least I'll still be able to smell him on his clothes".
What time is it there? I've just come to bed and put the TV on to distract me. I've just caved in and done what I always say I'm not going to do, too: I've written a long list of how many hours it is until he's back, so I can cross them off one by one and know when I'm 25% there, halfway there, etc... I know it's really sad, but at least it gives me a sense that time is passing I suppose.
You know what, you do whatever helps you to feel better! Might I suggest making a list of things that you like to do and can do while he is gone? I personally am watching a lot of home shopping and reality tv (haha) because my fiance hates it so I don't get to watch it while he is home! It helps a little bit. Is there anything that you like to do that he does not?
Don't worry about the laundry thing ... I asked my fiance to leave me some dirty shirts on purpose for that reason!!! lol
It's about 6 PM here, so not ready for bed yet ... I've been watching that Supernanny show ... there's a marathon on and it is helping me focus on something else!
Hope you are able to sleep a bit :hugs:
I'm watching a documentary about ancient Egypt at the moment, but I think I might take a leaf out of your book and plan to watch my "Who do you think you are?" DVDs (do you get that in the USA?), and/or the "Sex & The City" movies because my husband doesn't like either of those :) The weather forecast has predicted for us to get a lot of snow overnight, so I doubt I'll be going far from the house tomorrow.
It's just coming up for 10pm here, so I'll try to sleep soon. The more I can sleep, the better.
Yes, we do get that over here! I haven't seen it but heard good things :) I find it makes me feel a little better to think of it as a time where I can treat myself and not have to compromise all the time :winks: Being trapped at home though doesn't help! We might get some snow next week, seems like spring is never coming. At least with warm weather we can get outside a bit.
Hi Elle-Kay, sorry you are feeling down. I hate being on my own too. I have this odd thing about people going away, it makes me panic more. I think you are very brave just by being prepared to be on your own in order to let him see his family - when I was going through a bad time, I couldn't let my husband even go to work! I definately think distraction is the key. I have been feeling anxious today because I couldn't follow planned activities(because of the snow) but I had to push myself to do other things to distract from the anxious thoughts. Also, I think you have got the right idea by watching the TV you like -I really look forward to this as I don't normally get the chance so enjoy it while you can! I hope you manage to get some sleep and the time passes quickly until he's home again x
Elle-Kay
as you can see you are not alone with this form of anxiety.
Last year my wife and daughter had to go to England for 15 days and like you i was counting the hours then days they were away, and how many days until they returned.
I try and distract myself and our dogs are hard work but good company.
I was worse at night going to bed alone and often staying up later than usual until I was exhausted.
I found once I got the first week out of the way the days seemed to go quicker and I actually enjoyed parts of the day being on my own yet still remained anxious.
Not sure if I could do it again as I have a lot more stress in my life this year.
You are not alone, I'm always anxious / nervous / panic when my husband is not home. even if he is only away to go to work 8 hours :-(
I count the minutes, and can not distract myself .. I'm tense and afraid until he comes home again.
Very strange for a grown woman of 41 years with 2 children, but I can not handle the anxiety
I've been ok for most of the morning - I woke up and watched the Formula 1 qualifying on Sky, then went to help my sister with cleaning her new house, but now I'm home and not busy I'm feeling anxious with waves of near-panic again. This is so frustrating :(
I am trying to be busy today too, I have my bridal shower! But last night I had such a difficult time sleeping even though I am fighting a cold. It feels so quiet without somebody else sleeping in the same room, you know? I had a laugh with my fiance on the phone this morning because I said maybe he can record himself sleeping and let me play it when he is gone! Then realized how silly I sounded, ahaha.
So I got to bed aronud 3 AM and now I am up and trying to get energy for the shower. I am going to try to enjoy it because he would not have been going to this anyway!
I hope you manage to feel better tonight. How was cleaning the house? Good to be active, it might tire you out.
Well put it this way: it's a good job, I think, that we chose to go and clean everything before my sister moves her furniture in! The man who owned the house before smoked cigarettes indoors (my family don't smoke, except my husband who smokes outside out of respect), and was a single man living alone, so we found out today what that means in terms of how often he cleaned his house - not very often!! We're going to go back later or tomorrow and quickly paint the walls of the living room and master bedroom, as they're quite tired-looking too. So I suppose at least I'll be kept busy with that!
I hope your bridal shower goes well :) Are you having many friends over? (or are you going out? I didn't want a big fuss for mine so I went to a local restaurant for a quiet meal with friends)
Oh wow, I used to work at an apartment building and the people who smoked all the time needed a lot of work on their apartments when they moved out so I can imagine a whole house!! Your sister is lucky to have you help her!
My sister is planning it, it is at a friend's house so we are having family and friends come ... I would have preferred something like yours - a nice quiet meal - as I am so uncomfortable being the center of attention but I have a big family that all planned it for me so that was nice of them to do. I'll have a glass of wine before!!! lol
I hope you've had, or are having a nice time at your bridal shower swgrl :)
I'm going through a bit of a rough patch in the day again. I've just had my dinner, which I think is why - I always lose my appetite when I'm anxious, so it's hard to eat, and when I do eat (I promised my husband I would, before he left) I feel worse while my stomach is full. I hope it goes away soon and I'm able to get to sleep ok again tonight (though I was planning to watch "The Time Traveller's Wife" on TV at 9pm, and I'm not sure that's such a good idea now!)
Hi Elle-Kay
I'm exactly the same as you, my husband went away to see his family yesterday and is due back tomorrow, maybe Monday if it keeps snowing. I spent today shopping and getting my hair cut but the worst part was when he phoned me and I just wanted to cry. I didn't though until we were off the phone. I hate being on my own but no-one seems to understand.
I do hope you are ok and remember that you are not alone. You have us on here too.
Dee. xxx
Thank-you Dee. I've just caved in and had to text my husband as I hadn't heard from him all day and was getting worried and panicky. He knows how I get when people I'm close to are away, and I'm so cross with him now for not finding 60 seconds out of his day to text me to say "How's your day going? See you tomorrow" etc! :(
I did that too! I feel like I've been forgtotten if I don't hear anything at regular intervals.
You're not alone Elle-Kay. Take care, it's not for too much longer.
xxx
Elle-Kay I am sorry you are not feeling any better this evening. Typical men and the worries they cause us! I know my hubby has 'forgotten' to ring me sometimes when he is working away and I have tried ringing him and get the voice mail then I panic and ring his colleague (who is also my brother in law) and ask if he has heard from him :unsure: Is he due home in the morning or tomorrow night?
I usually go and stay at my parents' house when my husband is away! Not a great look for a 33 year old woman, but I really don't like being on my own. I have done it a couple of times though and I survived! I used to hate being on my own at all, but I have slowly gotten much better at that, in fact now I quite like my alone time. I'm fine by myself right up until bed time these days, but really don't like staying overnight by myself. I find tv and movies help a lot. I have funny kids movies on my laptop that I'm happy to watch over and over again that take my mind off things. Also Time Team has a very calming effect on me for some reason! Like you I really like Who do you think you are - another goody for taking my mind off things. You sound like you are doing really well. Maybe before bed you could indulge yourself in a luxurious bath with oils or bubbles or something?
I had a great time, thanks :) It was nice to get out and be distracted for a while. By the time I got home, put away most of the gifts, etc. I was so tired I went right to bed.
Now I am feeling a bit rough again though because I talked to my fiance and he had an awful work day. He said one of the worst he's had and I am worrying about him, wish I could be there for him, etc.
I am the opposite with the food. When I am lonely I eat more and then feel badly after for doing so. How are you doing Elle-kay? This is tough, that's for sure.
Wow! What a hectic end to the weekend I had! I went shopping for paint with my sister yesterday morning, then went back to her place to start painting the living room and bedroom, then almost before I knew it my husband had texted me to say he was already home! We went out for a bite of dinner (everyone was too tired from decorating to cook), then came home and had a quiet evening. I'm so pleased he's back, and that the weekend didn't go as badly as I'd thought it would. Thank-you so much to everyone who's kept me company over the past few days!
I hope your fiance has had a better day at work today swgrl? It is hard when there's nothing you can do for someone, when you desperately want to, but I'm sure he took comfort just in being able to talk to you about it.
I'm so glad he is back, Elle-kay. You must be so happy! I hope you had a nice dinner together.
I am waiting to hear ... he is a 3 hour time difference away and has been so busy today, all I got was a text saying he'd call on his dinner break ... which will be a couple hours from now still even though its 7 PM here. I hope it went better. I worry about him.
I am going to look at a new apartment tomorrow ... I hope it is nice, but it is hard to find a good one while he is away because pictures aren't enough for him. He won't be back until a week from tomorrow for one day and then off for another week to New Orleans (nice and warm down there while I am stuck up here in the snow!)
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