AndyJ73
23-03-13, 22:53
Evening,
First post, so please be gentle with me.
Heres my story; I first realised I suffered from anxiety back in 2006. My Uncle who is my Dad's twin had a heart attack during the Great North Run. Putting 2+2 together, I came up with 5 and automatically assumed I had a heart condition and at the age of 21, actually believed my life was about to come to an abrupt end. I stopped exercising and every time I read or heard about heart disease I paniced. I eventually went to my Doctors and was told there was nothing the matter with me. The Health Anxiety manifested and as per alot of people on this thread I self diagnosed using Dr Google. Brain Tumours, Testicular Cancer, Bowel Cancer, Thyroid Cancer, Sinusitis, Blood Clots, the lot. You name it, Ive had it.
Anyways, Ive come a long way since then, but have had a few things go against me recently. I lost two Grandparents and an Auntie within the space of three months and at the time I thought it had no affect on me. I didnt shed one tear at any of their funerals. I also used to 'fantasise' about the idea of suicide and that people would be better off without me. Id generally be able to snap out of it, and it would often be an hour or two out of every week.
After Christmas this year I thought I was suffering my usual Xmas Blues. ( I have a tendency to have high highs and low lows). However this time it felt differently. I was no longer concerned about things that had been important to me in the past. I used to be fixated on my finances, what I ate and keeping fit. I have to force myself to keep an eye on all these things now.
I also feel numb. Ive been on Sertraline (50mg from start of Jan for 4 weeks, missed a couple of days which brought on brain zaps, and have now been on 100mg for two weeks) and I can honestly say this is the worst Ive ever felt. I look at my wife and parents and know I should love them, but I feel nothing. Its horrific. Ive been to my introductory CBT session and she believes Ive been having intrusive thoughts; i.e. I walk across a bridge so I ask myself 'what if you jump?'.
Im really struggling at the moment and dont know whether its the meds, or if they just need to 'kick in'.
Ive often used this forum in the past for reassurance but felt it was time to sign up and tell my story.
Thanks,
Andy
First post, so please be gentle with me.
Heres my story; I first realised I suffered from anxiety back in 2006. My Uncle who is my Dad's twin had a heart attack during the Great North Run. Putting 2+2 together, I came up with 5 and automatically assumed I had a heart condition and at the age of 21, actually believed my life was about to come to an abrupt end. I stopped exercising and every time I read or heard about heart disease I paniced. I eventually went to my Doctors and was told there was nothing the matter with me. The Health Anxiety manifested and as per alot of people on this thread I self diagnosed using Dr Google. Brain Tumours, Testicular Cancer, Bowel Cancer, Thyroid Cancer, Sinusitis, Blood Clots, the lot. You name it, Ive had it.
Anyways, Ive come a long way since then, but have had a few things go against me recently. I lost two Grandparents and an Auntie within the space of three months and at the time I thought it had no affect on me. I didnt shed one tear at any of their funerals. I also used to 'fantasise' about the idea of suicide and that people would be better off without me. Id generally be able to snap out of it, and it would often be an hour or two out of every week.
After Christmas this year I thought I was suffering my usual Xmas Blues. ( I have a tendency to have high highs and low lows). However this time it felt differently. I was no longer concerned about things that had been important to me in the past. I used to be fixated on my finances, what I ate and keeping fit. I have to force myself to keep an eye on all these things now.
I also feel numb. Ive been on Sertraline (50mg from start of Jan for 4 weeks, missed a couple of days which brought on brain zaps, and have now been on 100mg for two weeks) and I can honestly say this is the worst Ive ever felt. I look at my wife and parents and know I should love them, but I feel nothing. Its horrific. Ive been to my introductory CBT session and she believes Ive been having intrusive thoughts; i.e. I walk across a bridge so I ask myself 'what if you jump?'.
Im really struggling at the moment and dont know whether its the meds, or if they just need to 'kick in'.
Ive often used this forum in the past for reassurance but felt it was time to sign up and tell my story.
Thanks,
Andy