Health Anxiety and Trying to get pregnant. (Introduction Post)

[NaomiSunrider]

Hello everyone,

After lurking on the forums for a few weeks I have decided to come out of the shadows and introduce myself.

I have been suffering from health anxiety for about 6 months now. I have always been a worrier but after an abnormal pap smear full fledged hypochondria has ensued. I have been to emergency twice and called and ambulance once. I have convinced myself that I am dying, but depending on the day the cause will change. I am currently on zoloft and that seems to be working quite nicely coupled with breathing techniques and some CBT i have been able to calm myself down during a bout of anxiety before it turns into a full fledged panic attack. I have made leaps and bounds in changing my mindset, and even though the work is far from over, i finally feel I am on the right path to recovery.

A few weeks ago the love of my life and I decided its time to have a family,as we are both in our 30's and don't want to wait much longer.

I am a bit worried about the changes in my body triggering another set of panic attacks. Pregnancy causes all sorts of wonderful (ha) happenings in your body and i don't want to fall back into old habits.

Any mothers or pregnant women out there with experience in this matter that could over some advice would be much appreciated!

[Lilharry]

Hiya,

Just wanted to say, you sound very similar to me! I am suffering from a bout of health anxiety at the moment and my husband and I are wanting to start a family. We have been trying on and off for the last couple of years without success. I know if I think about being pregnant I get quite anxious and I'm not quite sure I can cope with it if it does happen. I decided that I would go into it largely with my eyes and ears closed and just focus on the positives and each little exciting step. All the other stuff absolutely terrifies me! I do know that pregnancy can make anxiety worse, so that is something that you need be prepared for and having a support system around you will be invaluable. You will be just fine and hopefully we pregnant at a similar time and can support each other too!

[NaomiSunrider]

Hi Lilharry,

I'm glad to know that someone out there is in the same boat as me.

Do you think that maybe the anxiety will fade? I feel like once I have an explanation for pain, pangs and such it would be easier to deal with. Or that once pregnant you are under pretty much constant doctor supervision and testing that that will ease it?

What positives are you mainly focusing on?

[Lilharry]

I think it will probably be things like baby clothes and cute things! Although, I'll try not to get too excited before the first 12 weeks as I've suffered miscarriage before and they are common.

I've thought the same as you too about having an explanation for the sensations and wonder if they might get better because of it - I hope so! I know when I've been in the two week wait (the time between ovulation and when your period is due in case your not up with trying to conceive lingo yet) I have less anxiety symptoms because I'm thinking about possibly being pregnant. So maybe the change of focus will help.

[NaomiSunrider]

Oh I am on babycenter, so I am all over the lingo! hahaha! Its funny what you say about the 2ww. I mean during the time before ovulation I am fending off panic attacks for fear of dying and during the 2ww I am searching symptoms related to pregnancy, constantly lurking on the babycenter forums and looking up diy projects for nurseries. thank you pintrest.

[Lilharry]

It's amazing how quickly your life becomes consumed with acronyms once you start TTC huh! hehe. Yep, I'm pretty much the same, though after so long trying I've largely given up on searching for pregnancy symptoms because I swear I've had ALL of them and still not pregnant. And the one time I was pregnant, I had no symptoms and didn't realise I was! It's all a big mind f*&% as I'm sure you know! But yes, I have to say looking up pregnancy symptoms wins hands down over looking up what you're going to die of next.

[NaomiSunrider]

Oh i try not to google symptoms other than pregnancy related ones anymore, that just lead s to bad things, very bad things. I'm learning my lesson but its a hard habit to break.

I feel the same as you, had every symptoms related to pregnancy and no such luck. I swear i have even googled if my cat can tell if I am pregnant! CRRAAAAZZZY! hahahahahahaha.

I got to say lilharry I am very glad you replied to this. I was having a bad anxiety night earlier, and feel better just talking(uh typing) it out with someone.

[Lilharry]

Well I know of a couple of people who swear their cat knew they were pregnant before they did, so don't rule it out! hehe. (and by the cat "knowing" apparantly the cat, in both cases, curled up on the woman's stomach and had never done that before.)

Yay for feeling better! It definitely helps to be able to have a laugh at yourself that's for sure :)

[spacebunnyx]

I ladies,

I'm a bit like you.. ttc with HA, but we're doing IVF at the moment - whole different can of worms there in terms of anx lol! I have a couple of friends with severe anx particularly around the idea of child birth. But when they got pg they were ok as the hormones kicked in and they were quite relaxed. I'm hoping that I'll be like that too if I get pg. Naomi - I had abnormal smears and treatment as well... one of the scariest times of my life - totally understand why you were so scared. I ended up in A&E as well! I had CIN II/III and that was 6 years ago now and clear smears since.

all the best

xxx

[Button1]

Hi! I started TTC 2 years ago in the middle of my worst HA period to date. Timing! I'm not sure why I decided to do it then- on the one hand I think I decided that I wasn't going to let HA rob me of any more of my life but on the other I think it was something else to obsess about...I'm very lucky in that it didn't take us long- I didn't fall pregnant the first month and I was hysterical, convinced I was infertile, looking up special diets, vitamins the works. I must have spent hundreds on pills, gadgets, books...after 4 weeks! The second month I was so obsessed I made my husband sleep with me every night (TMI!) and actually wasn't that anxious to see if it had worked because I was so convinced I wouldn't be able to have kids. Amazingly I had in fact fallen pregnant and I was on sertraline at the time.

My doctor was extremely concerned about how I would for off my meds and with all the stresses and strains of pregnancy but as extreme as my HA was/ is something clicked and I coped really well! The only times I struggled with were the scans as I was always convinced that they would tell me the baby had died. I had to be helped into the ultrasound room each time, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, but each time my baby was fine and as he grew and kicked I felt more and more confident.


The birth wasn't 100% straightforward- despite being a big baby ( and I'm a really small girl!) he managed to change positions right until 40 weeks so I was in and out of hospital because they feared it would be too dangerous for me to give birth naturally, plus I had high blood pressure, a kidney infection and terrible pelvic pain. Normally I'd never cope with all that but having the baby to focus on weirdly took the anxiety away, I had to be strong for him. My labour was finally induced when I was a week overdue and although I had a last minute wobble about me and the baby dying in childbirth, I felt stronger than ever. I had meconium in my waters when they broke and as a result they had to have a resus team there for the baby just in case which really put me on edge but I was determined he would've fine and he was!


Despite going through another awful period of HA I can't wait to ttc again- it was truly one time in my life where I felt strong, capable and focused on something far greater than random pains and twitches. Ttc and pregnancy isn't a total walk in the park if you're anxious but it is honestly the best thing I've ever done.


Good luck!

[little wren]

Button - really liked reading your post - so inspiring,thanks

[backfromthebrink]

Got to say, we've decided against starting a family. In my mind, I'm just too anxious to do it and I worry that I will apply health anxiety to any kids (are they sick, coming down with something… etc) and I don't think that would be good for them. Plus, making decisions is one of the things I get really anxious about - and there's no bigger decision than deciding to become a parent - so it's a decision I just stay away from. (Inevitably thereby making the opposite decision, as time begins to run out!)

[Bickety]

Hi Spacebunny, I'm in the same boat as you. I've had Ha for years on and off, had cbt etc. we started ttc 4 years ago still no joy. I have even diagnosed with pcos, endometriosis and now a clotting disorder over those years. Needless to say, ivf is the only option, have had 4 cycles so far, 2 ending in miscarriage. The HA adds a whole new level to it. Every time I am about to start a nevcycle it flares up. Have a frozen cycle planned for early April, but since Xmas have been having a lot of hot flushes in my face. Have had fear blood tests, but can't stop worrying that something is wrong, and I will get pregnant, but no be able to g to term because of illness. Sounds so silly when I write it down!

[Button1]

I have to say around the issue of transferring your HA onto your kids and how you'd cope if they got ill, I've unfortunately had a bit of experience in that area- when my little boy was 4 days old he started vomiting blood which was terrifying- I called the hospital and they said it was common in breastfeeding as the baby has sucked too hard, cracked a nipple and swallowed the blood. I took him in anyway and he was kept in as he'd lost alot of weight and they were concerned. It turned out that I wasn't producing any milk and he was starving...so we were kept in and when he had put on some more weight he was discharged. Then he started projectile vomiting at 9 weeks and we took him to A&E only to be told it was reflux. Whether it was HA or mothers instinct I refused to take him home until they carried out more tests- that was hard as you don't know whether you're subjecting your baby to unnecessary pain because of your own hang ups but something in me couldn't let it lie and when they did an ultrasound scan of his tummy they found his stomach muscle wasn't working properly (very rare) and he needed an operation. If I hadn't have pushed, he would have quickly become dehydrated and gone downhill rapidly...it was the most painful thing I've ever had to go through- being blue light ambulanced to great ormond street and carrying him down to theatre but I can tell you it very quickly puts everything else into perspective. He was out of theatre an hour later and right as rain. Then a month ago he got croup (very common) and couldn't breathe properly so we had to go back to hospital where he was given steroids to reduce the inflammation in his airways. I sat up with him night after night after that convinced he'd stop breathing but again he bounced back.

As with pregnancy and everything else, HA makes having a baby that bit harder in some respects- there's no way I want my son to grow up paranoid about his health or to subject him to unneccessary tests etc but my acute awareness of health has actually paid off and every time I've taken him to the doctors or hospital it has been proven to be the right decision. It is a balancing act and not an easy one- I've had plenty of sleepless nights worrying about whether he's ok, but you know what? My mummy friends without HA have had just as many. It's part and parcel of being a parent I think. Hard work but I couldn't be without him for the world, it's all worth it x

[backfromthebrink]

Hi Button, that thing you describe (not knowing if worrying is due to health anxiety or whether there really is something wrong) is a huge part of things for me - leaving kids aside. I never know whether to press for more tests because there may be something wrong, or to tell myself it's my health anxiety and I need to contain it and manage it and not go asking for more… I don't know what the answer is to that one. But looks like you made the right call.

[Button1]

Backfromthebrink- I think that's very typical for people with HA, I'm battling with it at the moment as I've got cancer fears but the docs don't think there's anything wrong and because of my HA they won't put me through tests because if the stress it puts me under. Anyway, with regards to kids, a mothers instinct isn't a myth, I've very much found that with all the time you spend with your baby you just know when something isn't right with them. It isn't even something you can question, you just know. And I know that to be true because he's had colds, rashes, funny tummies, banged his head more times than i can count and I've just known he was ok. I don't say that lightly as my anxiety is dreadful and I can't believe it's true even as I write it down but it just is, thank god! X

[backfromthebrink]

That's great. Why can't we have that instinct about ourselves too!?!

[Button1]

Oh I wish...!

[Mogwog]

I am going through this at the moment too. I came off antidepressants in January so we could try again. I'm a mess at the moment though to be honest. My problem is my son was born with rare problems that causes disabilities. We have been told they don't think its genetic but I am so scared about having another but I know I want to. I have become obsessed and scared of all the things they warn you to be careful not to become infected with during pregnancy such as toxoplasmosis etc.

I don't know how to over come this really but I'm not going to let it dictate whether I have another child or not.

xxxxxxx