Man suffering from Panic/Anxiety for 2 months now. Need some encouragement.

[StevenN]

Hello. Thought I'd make this my first post. I decided to join this forum after reading a wonderfully positive testimonial posted by a man called qualia: (I cannot post a link as I'm a newbie).

Like qualia in that post, my panic attacks started after a truly stupid dalliance with a well known class A street drug. (I have been hating myself ever since – I am normally a very anti-drug person).

What followed was my first ever panic attack. It was the scariest experience I've ever had and combined with the nature of the trigger, I honestly thought I was going to die a shameful death.

For the first month I never had a moment's respite from paralyzing panic attacks interrupting a background of inescapable and incapacitating anxiety. There were several trips to A&E, various emergency appointments with doctors and (expensive) psychiatrist. My life had turned upside down. Suffice to say I couldn't work.

The general advice given (along with the understandable 'judging' about my foolish drug use), was: try to relax, it'll go away. I was prescribed lorazapam, clonazepam, diazapam, cetalopram (which made everything worse) and finally given a course of flupenthixol. I also started regular (expensive) CBT sessions.

I started to feel better again, went back to work, three days later. Relapse. Back to square one – this time with no obvious triggers. I feel I have a new fear: this condition will never going away. I've also started to feel an enormous sense of waste about all this time I've spent debilitated. This has started to make me very depressed (just what I need).

Three weeks after the relapse, I'm still far from normal, I look forward to sleeping, I hate being awake, Anything I try and do is like an insurmountable task which I dread. I've now been put on a course of Pregabalin (started just yesterday). I'm pinning a lot of hope on this drug as it's all I have.

And here I am.

Sorry, this was quite a lot of words. I would so appreciate any words of encouragement, positivity, hope.
Thanks
Steve

[starlight78]

Hi Steve, welcome to NMP.
Please don't beat yourself up about what might have triggered the anxiety. We all have a trigger, it's about how you deal with it now that matters.
I've been struggling with this relapse for 6 months now, feel pretty downcast about it at times but I think in going in the right direction.

You will find lots of support and kindness here x

[potato11]

Hi Steve, and welcome.

Sounds like you've been through the mill.

May I suggest the links in my signature - one is a link to a brilliant (and free) CBT programme, written by a man named Robin who trained as a therapist after overcoming panic attacks/agoraphobia himself. http://ct-online-info.com is the link to the free downloads

The other link (nothingworks) is written by a member of this site (though he doesnt visit very often anymore as he is no longer afflicted with the condition) it's his own take on anxiety, its brilliant and makes very good points.

Happy reading and recovery :)

[secondtimelucky]

Hi Steve, so sorry to hear what you've gone through. I was in exactly the same position as you about 8 months ago, having random panic attacks with no apparent trigger :(

Thanks to the great folk on here, the best advice I can give is to stay positive, if you have any health concerns coming from the panic attacks or anxiety, have yourself checked out by a gp. Once your all clear, keep making small steps back to being yourself and being able to work :) as long as you keep a positive outlook and let any symptoms/attacks just run their course, you'l be on a road to recovery :)

Hope this helps :)

[StevenN]

Thanks for such quick replies. It means a lot. Just casual browsing through the forum I can see that I'm not alone which gives me some comfort. Potato11, I shall explore those links, thanks for those.

I am starting to accept that this isn't going to go away overnight which fills me with sadness – I'm starting to worry about depression. I've found that I've no interest in all the things I had great interest in and generally speaking I cannot wait for each day to end. A bit of background: (I didn't want to bore anyone in the first post), I've suffered (what I thought was) depressive episodes for several years prior to my mental meltdown, I've been prescribed many many flavors of antidepressants during those days. With recent developments with panic and anxiety, I now know that all that stuff was like a picnic. This is the real deal. I've never ever experienced such unrelenting suffering and distress.

I think I just need to hear that this really will go away. Right now I just can't imagine it.

[steveo]

Hey Steve! Another Steve here! I too am a man suffering from panic and anxiety but I used to be a boy suffering panic and anxiety. Had it since I was 5 years old, am 28 now.

Despite having this my whole life, I recently found myself in a similar situation to you. Since Jan 2013, everything had got too much for me and I find myself in a constant state of anxiety.

Thing's do change. There are treatments and therapies out there. Don't pin hopes on the medications. They are there to 'ease' the symptoms slightly. CBT will let you tackle it head on.

If you ever want any help or advice from a bloke who has had this all his life then drop me a PM, even if you just want a chat! I'm always on here.

Steven

[MargaretHale]

First piece of advive is 'stop blaming yourself' we've all done daft things. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to relax and recuperate.
Have you tried any alternative therapies? I'm afraid I don't get along well with medication, but I've had success with telephone counselling through 'No panic' and with relaxation CDs and the work of Dr Claire Weekes.

Welcome by the way!

MH :)

[Lilharry]

I can totally relate. I know I've always been an anxious person, but it never seriously affected my life until I started getting panic attacks at a new job. Then I went on paroxetine and unfortunately that caused me to wake in the middle of the night in complete terror and hallucinating. From that moment on panic and anxiety ruled my life. It's been a hard road, but I am so much better than I was. I have done it without drugs, because I developed a phobia of drugs after my experience, so I believe you can get through this one way or another. I know you regret the incidence with the drug taking, but to be honest, I think this stuff is always lurking and it comes out eventually. I have learnt so much about myself and life from going through this, so if you can try adn let go of some of the guilt and try and see it as a learning experience that can help (hard, i know!). Figuring out if there are other things in your life, that may seem completely unrelated, but are actually the heart of the problem is helpful. I discovered that a lot of my problems were actually down to self esteem and relationship issues. Going to relationship counselling alleviated a lot of my panic symptoms as did building my self esteem. Keep reminding yourself that you can and will get better and you'll be a better person because of it. There are positives to everything and trying to focus on them is really helpful. I also found that reading uplifting quotes can really help - I find the buddhist ones really really helpful, but whatever works for you is best. ANd just talking about it with people who get it is a huge relief. You're not alone, it will take time, but you can do it.

[BigDaz]

Hi. Can't relate to the drugs but the anxiety sounds familiar.


Anything I try and do is like an insurmountable task which I dread.

The trick is to take things in (very) small steps. Always set a goal you can achieve, even if it seems daft, like leaving the house then immediately coming back in. Then step it up over time.

[StevenN]

Thanks for all the friendly replies. Lots of good advice there. I'm already feeling the benefit of being on this site as it's keeping me busy reading content I can relate to and above all; keeping busy.

I shall try to stop blaming myself though it is hard. Regarding thinking positively: I'm finding that hard also. I can feel the effects of my own negative thoughts; they can derail a whole day but it's hard to think positively when everything about my life is sucking so much.

I've heard lots about getting through this without the help of prescribed drugs. There were days where I was on the ground freaking out (for ages) and it was only doping myself up with clonazepam that actually stopped me writhing and churning. I know 'benzos' can be bad news though and I haven't had one since Friday – small steps.

Regarding CBT, I've had 5 sessions. I enjoy them but am having a hard time mapping them to my daily routine. Despite an enjoyable (and expensive) way to spend an hour, they've not given me much relief yet.

It's now been two days on Pregabalin. Nothing yet apart from a bit of drowsiness and a smidgen of blurred vision.

Night night.