View Full Version : My boyfriend said he cant take anymore of my anxiety, what can I do??
Had the most horrible day yesterday!!! My boyfriend broke down and told me he just cant take me being like this anymore, he said he is so unhappy.
He said he feels so lonely and its like im not even here anymore, and I agree with him. I havnt felt myself for over 12 months now. He just keeps saying he wants the old me back, the way we used to have a laugh and a joke together. He said he feels like we are just living from one doctors appointment to the next and he cant do it anymore.
At the moment worrying about my mum is consuming my whole life!!
I feel like my whole world is falling apart, I cant stop crying. Please please please help me, I cant lose him he is my whole world x
That's not nice at all.
I'm currently in my third month of a severe breakdown and I haven't seen my girlfriend at all in this period of time and we've hardly spoken. I feel that if we haven't been going out for 5 years and we haven't planned to move in together this year, she would of finished with me.
A partner should be there for you no matter what. In the bad times and the good times. It's not fair for him to say such a thing. How long have you been with him?
Steven x
anxietyoverload
25-03-13, 11:25
Aw hun, this situation must be horrible for you! But at least he's talking to you and telling you how he feels. It's always better to talk about things that keep them in.
Are you on any meds for your anxiety? xx
50shadesofmessedup
25-03-13, 11:49
Darling I really feel for you :( my worst nightmare is my partner becoming like yours has as he's a wonderful father and a rock . Maybe he's trying to help u in the long run, sometimes it takes something drastic for us to snap out of things? Fake it until u make it babe u can do it tell him how u feel and he may UNDERSTAND more :) here if u need a chat xxx
I have been with him for 10 years now we have lived together for 6.
I asked him why he didnt tell me why he was feeling like this and he said he didnt want to burden me with something else to worry about. Dont get me wrong he has stood by me through all of this but I didnt realise it was getting him down this much I just wish he would of talked to me, I cant bear to lose him and he said he doesnt want to lose me either.
I was on Citalopram for about 2 years but came off them about 2 years ago as I was starting to feel better but these past 12 months have been awful I dont want to but I am really considering going back on them again.
Has anyone tried CBT? x
Lorn
on the possitive side you two have been together for 10 years and that is a big bonus, and what he has told you is to me very reassuring.
There are many of us on here including myself that are married or living together for far longer than you yet i often here people say "why does he/she put up with me".
It's simple because they love you and have a sense of loyalty even if that means sacrifycing a lot of their lives or sharing things together.
I know how difficult it is for both of you in different ways but to me you have a good man there and maybe working together,step by step will calm your anxiety about him leaving you,which IMO are your thoughts,not his.
Anxiety can definitely take its toll on any relationship and I am sorry you are going through this. Is he willing to go to couples therapy?
Yes to the CBT!!! I am trying it (have been since january) and am finally seeing results. Bear in mind i have had 20 years plus of agoraphobia, health anxiety, panic disorder, hyperventilation, social anxiety and OCD. You name it I have worked my way through most anxieties.
Never tried meds despite family and GP wanting me to - always too scared to take it!
Tried NHS cbt and also private cbt but by far what is working for me is the now FREE Cbt4panic which is linked from this website and endorsed by nomorepanic. you can work at your own pace which i like.
You should be wary of discontinuing an AD when you feel better as ADs are not a cure, they simply relieve symptoms.
The symptoms may or may not return when you discontinue - it's something that should be be carefully monitored.
If symptoms reoccur, it may be a sign that you need to recommence taking the AD.
Anxiety can take a huge toll on relationships, it has on mine, but you can get through it. It sounds like you are being honest with each other now which is great news. I would highly recommend relationship counselling, did wonders for us. Cbt is fantastic too, so definitely get on to that. If you can show your partner that you are committed to doing everything you can to try and get better that will go a long way. I'm sorry you are going through this, please feel free to PM me if u want to chat about it. My husband and I r still together after a lot of hard work.
I am going to sort out some CBT this week, I spoke to him about it lastnight and he said thats good. I asked him do you think it will help us and he said if it helps me it will help us.
Its his birthday on friday so I thought I would do a nice meal for us on thursday night just to start a nice long weekend off but he just said this morning he is going out with his friends from work. He said the other night that at the moment he feels happiest when he is with people from work, he feels like he can just relax and be himself,
Im not having a very good day today I feel like I am really panicking about it, I feel like he is slipping away from me x
Oh Lorn reading this breaks my heart. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I can just imagine how painful it would be to hear that he can't take it anymore and it is defintely what I fear. Like previous posts have stated, you have been together for so long I very much doubt he will just up sticks and leave.
It is good to hear that you are getting your CBT session underway and this will help you and I am sure help your relationship. Maybe after your CBT sessions you should have almost a 'session' with your boyfriend and discuss your progress- let him learn with you. It will take time but you clearly both love each other very much it just need to be built back slowly. Start doing little things together... although he is going out with his friends and this probably upsets you, let him and suggest going for a meal on a different day or cooking a meal if you like to cook?
I hope you can both figure it out.
xx
countrygirl
26-03-13, 15:16
I have been married for nearly 33 years and my husband has said it has been very hard at times with my obsessive worrying about health. I do have alot of real chronic health issues as well so its a double whammy.
From my vast experience!! what they can't handle is your panic as no one other than s Dr and then only for short time can stop you panicking about whatever the current problem is. My husband says its feeling helpless ot help that is the hardest.
I find that if I say to my husband calmly, I have this symptom and I am worried that it could be xxxx what would you do if you had it and we come up with a stategy plan ( I am not feeling calm inside believe me!) for example, if I still have it in a week go to Dr or whatever and then don't keep on about it no matter how terrifeid you are. Come on here and we will all talk to you and try and keep you calm. That is the other thing my husband has said gets to him, our need to constantly talk about it to the exclusion of anything else. We also go into ourselves and are very selfish and distracted because we are worrying worrying, try and push the worry down when with other people, you can worry when on your own!
Def start the anti dep again as has been said they are not a cure and if taking them makes your nomral then they are needed.
Yes, definitely let him go out with his friends and be genuinely happy for him that he feels relaxed and comfortable around them. Things started to dramatically improve in my relationship when I started to put more energy into making sure he was happy and letting him do things without me. He was feeling completely smothered by me and that my anxiety was dictating our life. It shouldn't be like that. You won't get better if you are with someone who is happy to let the anxiety take over, trust me. This is a opportunity for you to tackle this thing head on and get your life back.
Such a fear for me....
My husband is so supportive, a truly wonderful person. But I know I worry that he will tire of my anxiety and feel like he is trapped here with me. He has NEVER given me an indication that he feels this way and I know it's very likely just me projecting onto him, but it still worries me.
But I do feel as long as I am trying to make changes or trying to be proactive about my wellbeing that he will see that and continue to support me. I have to keep that at the forefront of my mind.
Does anyone have any tips on resources for loved ones? Or any words of wisdom from your own successful partnerships to impart?
~Dora.
Dora - one of the things we did in relationship counselling was to sit down and talk about what marriage meant to us. It was such an enlightening conversation! I think when you're anxious all the time you can forget about the important things. Just simple things like marriage is about give and take but it should be equal. If one person is taking and not giving then the other person is certain to feel hard done by, especially if one of their values is equality. If you can agree on some values together and do your best to live up to them and respect the other person's need to be themselves, that can go a long way. I know that I was expecting my husband to give up the things he enjoyed to attend to my anxious needs and that wasn't fair. At the same time, he realised that getting angry with my anxiety wasn't helpful and there were some concessions he would need to make, like acceptingn that I wasn't going to change overnight and that we would need to work at this TOGETHER. Being on each others team is so important. So if he's fed up with something that I'm doing - eg, preventing us from doing things because I'm feeling anxious, he can tell me and it's my responsibility to do what needs to be done to fix that, with him at my side helping me. Taking responsibility for your own illness is a huge step towards recovery and having someone who will be there supporting you all the way is equally important.
Thanks. I do feel like we are on the same page about things like that...I just worry.
I especially feel it when I am having an episode and I want him near me. It's hard for me to let go and allow him to go do the things that have value and importance to him. But I know I have to. I know it's better for him to have that outlet and I know it's good for me to realize that I am okay while on my own.
We are very young (just near 30) and I worry that he might be patient now, but in 10 years who knows! *laughs*
Thanks for sharing with me.
Dora - Sounds like you are both doing really well and you don't need to worry. We're in our early 30s and I'm finding the older we get, the more settled in our routines we are and we really can't be bothered going through any upheaval! Hey, you know, if in the future, something happens and he decides that he can't take it anymore, then so be it - that's his choice and there's not much you can do about it. You've got to enjoy what you have together right now and if you're on the same page, there's no reason at all to believe that things are going to change in the future. He married you for a reason and you should be confident in that - it's YOU he wants.
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