I feel so guilty and undeserving

[natkat100]

Hi all

I feel so guilty all the time about things that are not my fault such as people starving in the world that it has got to he point where I feel sick if I try to eat anything. I feel so undeserving and worthless and that even though my life is rubbish and I resent it, I feel that I should just be grateful it is not worse, as I deserve for it to be worse than it is. I just can't shack the feelings of shame and guilt. I have a job interview this week and I have this voice telling me that I don't deserve to get a new job and I should just be grateful for the one I have. Has anyone else overcome the guilt that comes with depression. I feel so ungrateful for my life.:weep:
Thanks
Nat

[Tessar]

Hi Nat. Hmmmn, guilt & shame; they are very strong emotions arent they???
Depression too, a very powerful & ugly beast.
I can relate to where you are coming from but you know, it is essential to eat, at the very least for survival. Most probably you would not deny other people in the world an essential need in life. I also doubt very much if you are actually undeserving & worthless.
Trying to force yourself to feel grateful or to expect yourself to feel that way isnt going to be easy & will definitely add to your strong, negative feelings. You hear it from me..... you do deserve things out of life, you have as much right as the next person, really you do.
No doubt you are lined up for that job interview because you have the right skills/experience. So dont doubt your worthiness for a second, please dont. What is wrong with anyone (including you) seeking to better themselves? Perhaps in this instance, nerves ahead of the interview are fuelling your depression.
The biggest problem for anyone feeling depressed is that their mindset gets altered. Most often when we go about giving ourselves negative labels, that is the depression speaking not your real self. It is YOUR depression speaking, not you. That nasty internal voice of depression isnt going to let you appreciate good things in life and neither is it going to allow you to appreciate yourself and your worth.
It would be best to look into ways of shutting that unhealthy & unproductive voice down. Hearing it but not attaching any importance to it's negative & unrealistic babble. Of course that's easier said than done - I know as I am just the same at times. So many people with depression find it difficult to shut the depression up & go about usual daily business without the clutter of labels & negative thinking in their minds.
But imagine the freedom if you could replace that negative voice with a kinder tone. To be kind to yourself, sooth yourself instead of attacking yourself. It takes practice but you can get there.
For me, the way forward out of depression (relieving myself of guilt & shame, negative labelling etc) was a case of using CBT. This gave me a way to challenge the negative automatic thinking & replace this with more rational and balanced views. I did do this with the help of a therapist but not everyone needs professional help. There are many very good self-help books which give you an excellent insight into how depression works & how to climb away from it's dark pit. Have you had any thoughts along these lines of self-help or maybe seeing someone?

[natkat100]

Hi

Thanks for your reply. I have had loads of therapy including two lots of CBT. It just doesn't seem to work for me. I've been like this for 12 years now. I've tried everything from counselling to hypnotherapy and acupuncture. I'm currently trying meditation but it seems to be making it worse. I'm on the waiting list to see the psychiatrist. Hopefully they can offer something else that will work.
Nat

[jjgamesroom73]

You need to be strong. Do not feel guilty or disappoint. Always think positive and keep faith on yourself then these therapy can help you.