Horrible situations.

[defeatedsix]

I'm really sorry for this post, I'm new and it's hardly a way to introduce myself, but I really need to rant all of this out.

I'm from the UK, 24 years old and male. I feel like I'm at rock bottom at the moment and as much as I try to lift myself out it's just not working. I have anxieties around health, social, the future, death, driving, location etc... etc... It just goes on and on and on.

5 years ago I was confident and had a great life, but it's all gone down hill and I'm not entirely sure why at all. The last few years have been increasingly difficult and I've ended up losing friends, breaking down relationships with family & lost the one person I thought I'd have forever - my soulmate.

Nobody knows about my issues and I'd like to keep it that way. I come from a family that wouldn't 'accept' anxiety as a real thing. Much the mindset I had all those years ago - it's all in the mind, just get over it! How's that for karma, eh?!

There are two things I've still managed to keep and that's my car and my job. My car is my mobile living room, I regularly drive to somewhere out of the way and just while away hours with my iPad where I can't be seen. It's a win win - family think I'm socialising (ergo, normal) and I get to be alone without any being able to see me in some of the states I can get into!

I don't know how I've managed to keep my job, because I've been pretty rubbish at it over the last two years. Honestly, if I was my boss I'd have sacked me - obviously he doesn't know about my issues either. Work is actually 'okay' although I get periods of anxiety there too.

Sometimes I just feel so little... Like I'm a 5 year old and the world is so big and daunting. Even every day objects can seem overpowering. The shelving units at work... even door frames. Sometimes they all look so massive. They're not - I'm 6'4 tall, so they're not actually not much taller than I am - but it's the only way I can describe it.

I can suffer with confusion when I'm having a panic too. I struggle to think straight and get things muddled, which makes me feel so so so so stupid.

Some days I can be really positive, confident that everything will go well, and then something - even something tiny - can just ruin it and make me feel so stupid, so little, so useless.

The one thing that is my absolute life line is Bach Flower Rescue Remedy Spray. It's brilliant stuff - I don't know where I'd be without it.

I know this post is a bit muddled, but I've just had to write down things as they've been in my mind. I don't particularly need or want any responses to this, but I just needed to admit it to someone somewhere.

Thanks.

[James1983]

I used to do the same in my car. I find driving especially open road driving good for taking my mind off of my anxiety.

[defeatedsix]

I used to do the same in my car. I find driving especially open road driving good for taking my mind off of my anxiety.
I can't drive for very long for fear of becoming disorientated. I just go and park somewhere secluded.

[James1983]

Its good to get out sometimes and just be away from it all

[Cat lady]

I often drive to the beach and just watch the waves out at sea, find it relaxes me.

[Lilharry]

I can relate to this. I went from feeling like I could do anything, in my early 20s, to all of a sudden losing all my self confidence and feeling like the world was a big scary place. I think it's a very common thing. I'm sorry you don't feel like you have any support around you. I know you feel like you can't talk to your family, but you never know, they might be more supportive than you imagine. Have you sought any professional help at all? That's where I would start. It's a bit of hard road, but your doctor should be able to get the ball rolling for you and you'll feel good that you have done something pro-active. Don't be afraid of doing things to help yourself because that is the only way you are going to get better. No one will judge for seeking help and if they do then it's just because they don't know what it's like. You need to concentrate on doing what it right for you, not worry about what other people think. Here's a link to a website that helped me immensely - might help you get out of some of your negative thought patterns and start to help you seeing things differently and you can do the workbook modules in your time, so no one will know about it. http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm - probably the one at the very bottom would be a good place to start for you - mastering your worries. I don't know if this is something that would help you or not, totally personal, but I've also found reading buddhist quotes to be really helpful. You may find other people more inspiring, but spending some time reading things that you find uplifting is great for anxiety.

[Carly Lou]

Hi and welcome... we can all relate to this... im 27 and only 4 years ago i was a happy confident bubbly girl and i loved life... my moto was that nothing would ever happen to me... id go through life happy and die a old lady.... now.... nothing could be further from the truth... i suffer health anxiety, panic attacks, gad, depersonalization.... its horrid and i totally understand how you feel.... right now my total fear is brain tumour ans ive felt forgetful today so thats adding to it... despite i went to the docs today and he said everything is fine its all anxiety

just so you know you arnt alone.... im desparate to get back to how i was... and il bloody well do it !!!!! 27 and a nervous wreck xxx

youll find so much advice here and youll make great friends too

best of luck x
Cx

[theharvestmouse]

That's a good link LilHarry, I must say that my confidence fluctuates quite a lot, I'm much more confident than I was but a rejection of some kind would really test my confidence.

---------- Post added at 11:52 ---------- Previous post was at 09:11 ----------

Just been reading about assertiveness from the link in Lilharry's post. It's made me realise that quite a few of my traits have come from my mum, she's not very assertive and that must have affected me growing up, my dad is very assertive though so maybe I am a mixture of both but with the shyness as well then its not surprising I have had all these problems in life. Doing my best to improve my self as a person though, it does make you feel more happy.