defeatedsix
25-03-13, 20:20
I'm really sorry for this post, I'm new and it's hardly a way to introduce myself, but I really need to rant all of this out.
I'm from the UK, 24 years old and male. I feel like I'm at rock bottom at the moment and as much as I try to lift myself out it's just not working. I have anxieties around health, social, the future, death, driving, location etc... etc... It just goes on and on and on.
5 years ago I was confident and had a great life, but it's all gone down hill and I'm not entirely sure why at all. The last few years have been increasingly difficult and I've ended up losing friends, breaking down relationships with family & lost the one person I thought I'd have forever - my soulmate.
Nobody knows about my issues and I'd like to keep it that way. I come from a family that wouldn't 'accept' anxiety as a real thing. Much the mindset I had all those years ago - it's all in the mind, just get over it! How's that for karma, eh?!
There are two things I've still managed to keep and that's my car and my job. My car is my mobile living room, I regularly drive to somewhere out of the way and just while away hours with my iPad where I can't be seen. It's a win win - family think I'm socialising (ergo, normal) and I get to be alone without any being able to see me in some of the states I can get into!
I don't know how I've managed to keep my job, because I've been pretty rubbish at it over the last two years. Honestly, if I was my boss I'd have sacked me - obviously he doesn't know about my issues either. Work is actually 'okay' although I get periods of anxiety there too.
Sometimes I just feel so little... Like I'm a 5 year old and the world is so big and daunting. Even every day objects can seem overpowering. The shelving units at work... even door frames. Sometimes they all look so massive. They're not - I'm 6'4 tall, so they're not actually not much taller than I am - but it's the only way I can describe it.
I can suffer with confusion when I'm having a panic too. I struggle to think straight and get things muddled, which makes me feel so so so so stupid.
Some days I can be really positive, confident that everything will go well, and then something - even something tiny - can just ruin it and make me feel so stupid, so little, so useless.
The one thing that is my absolute life line is Bach Flower Rescue Remedy Spray. It's brilliant stuff - I don't know where I'd be without it.
I know this post is a bit muddled, but I've just had to write down things as they've been in my mind. I don't particularly need or want any responses to this, but I just needed to admit it to someone somewhere.
Thanks.
I'm from the UK, 24 years old and male. I feel like I'm at rock bottom at the moment and as much as I try to lift myself out it's just not working. I have anxieties around health, social, the future, death, driving, location etc... etc... It just goes on and on and on.
5 years ago I was confident and had a great life, but it's all gone down hill and I'm not entirely sure why at all. The last few years have been increasingly difficult and I've ended up losing friends, breaking down relationships with family & lost the one person I thought I'd have forever - my soulmate.
Nobody knows about my issues and I'd like to keep it that way. I come from a family that wouldn't 'accept' anxiety as a real thing. Much the mindset I had all those years ago - it's all in the mind, just get over it! How's that for karma, eh?!
There are two things I've still managed to keep and that's my car and my job. My car is my mobile living room, I regularly drive to somewhere out of the way and just while away hours with my iPad where I can't be seen. It's a win win - family think I'm socialising (ergo, normal) and I get to be alone without any being able to see me in some of the states I can get into!
I don't know how I've managed to keep my job, because I've been pretty rubbish at it over the last two years. Honestly, if I was my boss I'd have sacked me - obviously he doesn't know about my issues either. Work is actually 'okay' although I get periods of anxiety there too.
Sometimes I just feel so little... Like I'm a 5 year old and the world is so big and daunting. Even every day objects can seem overpowering. The shelving units at work... even door frames. Sometimes they all look so massive. They're not - I'm 6'4 tall, so they're not actually not much taller than I am - but it's the only way I can describe it.
I can suffer with confusion when I'm having a panic too. I struggle to think straight and get things muddled, which makes me feel so so so so stupid.
Some days I can be really positive, confident that everything will go well, and then something - even something tiny - can just ruin it and make me feel so stupid, so little, so useless.
The one thing that is my absolute life line is Bach Flower Rescue Remedy Spray. It's brilliant stuff - I don't know where I'd be without it.
I know this post is a bit muddled, but I've just had to write down things as they've been in my mind. I don't particularly need or want any responses to this, but I just needed to admit it to someone somewhere.
Thanks.