XxSilentEyes13xX
26-03-13, 02:35
Bon soir, all.
My name is Brianna, I'm a 19-year old college student and I've been suffering with health-related anxiety for a little over a year now. I figured, being new to this site, I should introduce myself and a little of my story, for those who would care to read.
Everything started for me last January. Winters are always hard for me; I seem to flourish and wither with the earth, but this one in particular proved to be the most difficult I'd ever face. To make a story that I feel I could fill books with as short and concise as possible, I didn't feel well one day at school in my senior year of high school and began to panic in the nurse's office. I would always have little freakouts where my heart would race and then slow once I calmed, but for some reason this time I picked up on my heartbeat and asked the nurse if it was normal.
Of course I was tach-ing away, and maybe if she had told me "Yes, you're alright" I never would have continued to have the problems that still plague me today, but when she pulled away from listening and said "Okay, I'm gonna send you to the ER," that was it. I was convinced I was not long for the world. Absolutely convinced.
They were too busy to give me a room in the ER, and after an initial EKG they just sent me to wait, for hours. No one would tell me I was okay, or not in danger, I had no help or assurance. My mother eventually took me home, and I fell asleep. But from that day forward, my mind was naught but constant worry of what was wrong with my heart. How long I had left to live.
I began to have episodes daily, or if I was lucky, every few days. My boyfriend was away at college all week, and all my friends from school had graduated, so my life after school was being alone in my room with my thoughts and fears. I was convinced I was either dying or going crazy, and I had never wanted to just not be alive more in all my life.
To again summarize, it took months and two more ER trips before I finally started to see a cardiologist. Every night at the ER they ran the standard tests (EKG, bloodwork, chest x-ray, I even had a CT scan once for fear of a pulmonary clot) and dismissed me as a panic-stricken child. I never got any more help than a dose of Ativan and well-wishes. I would go home and continue to worry, continue to have symptoms and live in constant fear. I got the standard cardiologist tests, wore the monitor, and was told everything looked fine. I was even recommended to an electrocardiologist in Boston, and he basically told me, "Well, I think it's just anxiety, but in case it is an arrhythmia we could do a catheter ablation!" Now, I don't know how many of you know what that is, but in short it's like heart surgery while you're awake... no thank you... I told myself I would try and live without having it done just as a "what-if".
I ended up missing 62 days of school that year. I still graduated with a 4.0 GPA, but you can imagine that missing that much school meant that I was literally a wreck.
Skipping forward quickly, my actual panicking episodes began to space farther and farther apart as I tried to get a better hold on things and certain conditions in my life improved. My boyfriend was home for the summer, I wasn't as new to the fear, and I wasn't alone as much to think. Still, those heart palpitations and tachycardia plagued me, but it went from every week, to every few weeks, to every few months. Until about three weeks ago, I hadn't had an episode in 8 months.
That last one three weeks ago put me back in the ER again, though. Was a really crushing setback, and in a sense I'm still recovering.
I decided to join this site because I realize now that I need to do everything I can to handle my anxiety. In the past few months I've quit smoking, adopted a much more healthy diet and began counseling again. But I suppose I hope that, through this site, I'll be able to talk to and share my experiences with people, and I think that will help very much.
I do think I am doing much better now than I was a year ago. I'm far from perfect; my mind still races, I still analyze every tiny physical sensation I feel as if it were something fatal, and I've been checking my pulse what must be once every ten minutes for probably this whole year xD
But I am learning how to handle things, and most importantly am determined not to let my fear ruin my life as I had let it before. I hope that I can meet and speak with those of you who have shared similar experiences or have similar fears, and am always willing to take the time to talk and listen. Thanks, anyone and everyone. =]
(A list of still-persisting symptoms I experience that trigger my fear:
-Heart palpitations including skipped beats, temporarily irregular beat, fluttering and pounding.
-Tachycardia
-Nauseated, anxious feeling in the chest and stomach that comes and goes
-Frequent chest pain, ache, and discomfort, sometimes worsens with deep breaths
-Light-headed, strange feeling as if I'm just slightly out of it
-Soreness, but simultaneously restlessness in my whole body
-Random aches and pains
-Feeling like my heart beats too fast and hard from simple physical exertion
AND THE WORST THING:
-Constantly being aware of my heartbeat; feeling it in every part of my body, fingers, arm, head, chest, hearing it or just constantly feeling it so I'm always worrying about it.)
My name is Brianna, I'm a 19-year old college student and I've been suffering with health-related anxiety for a little over a year now. I figured, being new to this site, I should introduce myself and a little of my story, for those who would care to read.
Everything started for me last January. Winters are always hard for me; I seem to flourish and wither with the earth, but this one in particular proved to be the most difficult I'd ever face. To make a story that I feel I could fill books with as short and concise as possible, I didn't feel well one day at school in my senior year of high school and began to panic in the nurse's office. I would always have little freakouts where my heart would race and then slow once I calmed, but for some reason this time I picked up on my heartbeat and asked the nurse if it was normal.
Of course I was tach-ing away, and maybe if she had told me "Yes, you're alright" I never would have continued to have the problems that still plague me today, but when she pulled away from listening and said "Okay, I'm gonna send you to the ER," that was it. I was convinced I was not long for the world. Absolutely convinced.
They were too busy to give me a room in the ER, and after an initial EKG they just sent me to wait, for hours. No one would tell me I was okay, or not in danger, I had no help or assurance. My mother eventually took me home, and I fell asleep. But from that day forward, my mind was naught but constant worry of what was wrong with my heart. How long I had left to live.
I began to have episodes daily, or if I was lucky, every few days. My boyfriend was away at college all week, and all my friends from school had graduated, so my life after school was being alone in my room with my thoughts and fears. I was convinced I was either dying or going crazy, and I had never wanted to just not be alive more in all my life.
To again summarize, it took months and two more ER trips before I finally started to see a cardiologist. Every night at the ER they ran the standard tests (EKG, bloodwork, chest x-ray, I even had a CT scan once for fear of a pulmonary clot) and dismissed me as a panic-stricken child. I never got any more help than a dose of Ativan and well-wishes. I would go home and continue to worry, continue to have symptoms and live in constant fear. I got the standard cardiologist tests, wore the monitor, and was told everything looked fine. I was even recommended to an electrocardiologist in Boston, and he basically told me, "Well, I think it's just anxiety, but in case it is an arrhythmia we could do a catheter ablation!" Now, I don't know how many of you know what that is, but in short it's like heart surgery while you're awake... no thank you... I told myself I would try and live without having it done just as a "what-if".
I ended up missing 62 days of school that year. I still graduated with a 4.0 GPA, but you can imagine that missing that much school meant that I was literally a wreck.
Skipping forward quickly, my actual panicking episodes began to space farther and farther apart as I tried to get a better hold on things and certain conditions in my life improved. My boyfriend was home for the summer, I wasn't as new to the fear, and I wasn't alone as much to think. Still, those heart palpitations and tachycardia plagued me, but it went from every week, to every few weeks, to every few months. Until about three weeks ago, I hadn't had an episode in 8 months.
That last one three weeks ago put me back in the ER again, though. Was a really crushing setback, and in a sense I'm still recovering.
I decided to join this site because I realize now that I need to do everything I can to handle my anxiety. In the past few months I've quit smoking, adopted a much more healthy diet and began counseling again. But I suppose I hope that, through this site, I'll be able to talk to and share my experiences with people, and I think that will help very much.
I do think I am doing much better now than I was a year ago. I'm far from perfect; my mind still races, I still analyze every tiny physical sensation I feel as if it were something fatal, and I've been checking my pulse what must be once every ten minutes for probably this whole year xD
But I am learning how to handle things, and most importantly am determined not to let my fear ruin my life as I had let it before. I hope that I can meet and speak with those of you who have shared similar experiences or have similar fears, and am always willing to take the time to talk and listen. Thanks, anyone and everyone. =]
(A list of still-persisting symptoms I experience that trigger my fear:
-Heart palpitations including skipped beats, temporarily irregular beat, fluttering and pounding.
-Tachycardia
-Nauseated, anxious feeling in the chest and stomach that comes and goes
-Frequent chest pain, ache, and discomfort, sometimes worsens with deep breaths
-Light-headed, strange feeling as if I'm just slightly out of it
-Soreness, but simultaneously restlessness in my whole body
-Random aches and pains
-Feeling like my heart beats too fast and hard from simple physical exertion
AND THE WORST THING:
-Constantly being aware of my heartbeat; feeling it in every part of my body, fingers, arm, head, chest, hearing it or just constantly feeling it so I'm always worrying about it.)