Lilharry
28-03-13, 01:53
Hello all,
I am new here, but have been posting quite prolifically over the past week. I'm really enjoying this site and because I am a somewhat recovered and functioning anxiety sufferer I feel I have something to offer.
My story:
I have suffered somewhat all my life, but when I was younger I was able to function and just thought I was "different". However, in my mid 20s I started having panic attacks at a new job. I went to the doctor who put me on paroxetine. A week later I woke in the middle of the night hallicunating and freaking out. I could feel the adrenaline surging through my body and I thought I was going insane. I went to A and E and they told me I was just panicking and nothing wrong with me, however from that day on I became severely anxious in all aspects of my life. I couldn't leave the house without panicking. I became phobic of taking drugs to help me and the doctor told me she wouldn't see me again unless I started taking them. I basically shut myself off from everyone and stopped working. I didn't know how to cope adn started drinking every night to numb the fear. From that absolute low, I managed to slowly get myself up to a functioning level, but that still meant that I couldn't use public transport, couldn't go anywhere without my husband and couldn't be alone at home. This severely affected my relationship with my husband and we got very close to splitting up. I decided that we should go for relationship counselling and this is when things started getting a lot better for me. Working on things in our relationship that clearly weren't working gave me a sense of hope and lessened my anxiety. I also did some CBT with the counsellor and this really helped me get my panic attacks under control. I was then able to start doing things by myself - like shopping (though just at the local shops that I could walk to) and being home alone. This really got the ball rolling for me and other aspects of my life started getting better too. I gave up drinking alcohol, well more or less, still have it from time to time, but not as a tonic for anxiety, just if we're having friends over etc.
Last year was a really good year for me in terms of my anxiety and it was the first time for a long time that I felt like a proper functioning person. I was able to go adn visit friends, even go out on teh town with them without panicking - and best of all WITHOUT my husband! I even stayed the night at home by myself - that was such a proud moment for me.
Unfortunately, late last year, while I was at work I suddenly got extremely fatigued and couldn't continue working (I have an active job). Using all the things I had learnt, I didn't get anxious about this. I just accepted that I must have the flu and needed to take it easy for a few days. However, few days turned into a few weeks and I was starting to get worried about what was wrong with me. I went to the doctor and he didn't even do any blood tests, just told me I was anxious and to go for a walk. I tried to believe that that was the case, but I knew I wasn't anxious and I knew I wasn't getting any better. Every time I went back to the doctor to tell them there was something wrong, and it wasn't anxiety, they would talk me out of it and tell me to stop worrying. I eventually had bloods and they came back normal. After being told there was nothing they could do for me I had a meltdown and became severly anxious about my health. I have now beeen to see a number of different doctors trying to find someone who will actually listen to me and today I finally found one. Yay! I have digestive issues too and I have been really worried that I might have something wrong with my pancreas. My new doctor has said that she thinks I have chronic fatigue syndrome, but is also doing a whole lot of blood tests to rule anything else out. I feel good that I am finally making some progress adn have found someone who will listen. She agrees that I am anxious because of my health, not that my anxiety is causing the problems, which is what I have been trying to tell the other doctors all along. She thinks my symptoms are real and is going to look at ways to treat them.
So anyway, I have gone on long enough. But I'd like to say, if anyone wants support for what they're going through I'm always happy to offer advice based on my own experience. Anxiety doesn't just affect us, the sufferers, it affects our families, our jobs, everything, but there is a way through it. I absolutely, 100% know that everyone here can get better. I will always be anxious person, that is part of my personality adn probably part of my chemical make up, but I have learnt so many things that can really help and it really has turned my life around.
Next steps for me is being able to get back on public transport and also being able to travel overseas. I used to be a great traveller when I was younger and I really really miss overseas trips. I'm not ready for that yet, but I know I will get there one day. I'd also like to learn to drive again - a huge fear of mine, as I think it will give me more self confidence and independence. Having my independence back is hugely important to me - having to rely on others all the time was suffocating and soul destroying.
Sorry for my long post! Lovely to meet so many of you already. Wish I was in the UK so I could meet some of you face to face! I'm quite far away in little old New Zealand.
I am new here, but have been posting quite prolifically over the past week. I'm really enjoying this site and because I am a somewhat recovered and functioning anxiety sufferer I feel I have something to offer.
My story:
I have suffered somewhat all my life, but when I was younger I was able to function and just thought I was "different". However, in my mid 20s I started having panic attacks at a new job. I went to the doctor who put me on paroxetine. A week later I woke in the middle of the night hallicunating and freaking out. I could feel the adrenaline surging through my body and I thought I was going insane. I went to A and E and they told me I was just panicking and nothing wrong with me, however from that day on I became severely anxious in all aspects of my life. I couldn't leave the house without panicking. I became phobic of taking drugs to help me and the doctor told me she wouldn't see me again unless I started taking them. I basically shut myself off from everyone and stopped working. I didn't know how to cope adn started drinking every night to numb the fear. From that absolute low, I managed to slowly get myself up to a functioning level, but that still meant that I couldn't use public transport, couldn't go anywhere without my husband and couldn't be alone at home. This severely affected my relationship with my husband and we got very close to splitting up. I decided that we should go for relationship counselling and this is when things started getting a lot better for me. Working on things in our relationship that clearly weren't working gave me a sense of hope and lessened my anxiety. I also did some CBT with the counsellor and this really helped me get my panic attacks under control. I was then able to start doing things by myself - like shopping (though just at the local shops that I could walk to) and being home alone. This really got the ball rolling for me and other aspects of my life started getting better too. I gave up drinking alcohol, well more or less, still have it from time to time, but not as a tonic for anxiety, just if we're having friends over etc.
Last year was a really good year for me in terms of my anxiety and it was the first time for a long time that I felt like a proper functioning person. I was able to go adn visit friends, even go out on teh town with them without panicking - and best of all WITHOUT my husband! I even stayed the night at home by myself - that was such a proud moment for me.
Unfortunately, late last year, while I was at work I suddenly got extremely fatigued and couldn't continue working (I have an active job). Using all the things I had learnt, I didn't get anxious about this. I just accepted that I must have the flu and needed to take it easy for a few days. However, few days turned into a few weeks and I was starting to get worried about what was wrong with me. I went to the doctor and he didn't even do any blood tests, just told me I was anxious and to go for a walk. I tried to believe that that was the case, but I knew I wasn't anxious and I knew I wasn't getting any better. Every time I went back to the doctor to tell them there was something wrong, and it wasn't anxiety, they would talk me out of it and tell me to stop worrying. I eventually had bloods and they came back normal. After being told there was nothing they could do for me I had a meltdown and became severly anxious about my health. I have now beeen to see a number of different doctors trying to find someone who will actually listen to me and today I finally found one. Yay! I have digestive issues too and I have been really worried that I might have something wrong with my pancreas. My new doctor has said that she thinks I have chronic fatigue syndrome, but is also doing a whole lot of blood tests to rule anything else out. I feel good that I am finally making some progress adn have found someone who will listen. She agrees that I am anxious because of my health, not that my anxiety is causing the problems, which is what I have been trying to tell the other doctors all along. She thinks my symptoms are real and is going to look at ways to treat them.
So anyway, I have gone on long enough. But I'd like to say, if anyone wants support for what they're going through I'm always happy to offer advice based on my own experience. Anxiety doesn't just affect us, the sufferers, it affects our families, our jobs, everything, but there is a way through it. I absolutely, 100% know that everyone here can get better. I will always be anxious person, that is part of my personality adn probably part of my chemical make up, but I have learnt so many things that can really help and it really has turned my life around.
Next steps for me is being able to get back on public transport and also being able to travel overseas. I used to be a great traveller when I was younger and I really really miss overseas trips. I'm not ready for that yet, but I know I will get there one day. I'd also like to learn to drive again - a huge fear of mine, as I think it will give me more self confidence and independence. Having my independence back is hugely important to me - having to rely on others all the time was suffocating and soul destroying.
Sorry for my long post! Lovely to meet so many of you already. Wish I was in the UK so I could meet some of you face to face! I'm quite far away in little old New Zealand.