Sometimes I get scared it's just me...

[Haunted]

Anyone who has read my previous few posts will know I've had anxiety periods on and off in recent years, mild OCD and low moods.

I am in the first few days of taking medication, I've done CBT and I've also recently started seeing a psychotherapist.

I was wondering, though, does anyone relate to me, or understand me, when I say sometimes I just worry that this is ME. That my dark times, my worries, my anxious feelings, my low moods, is all just ME, that is just part of life, and so there is nothing to be fixed, because it's just who I am. That this is just me, and I have to learn to live with it. :(

I'm just rambling, but I get this idea now and then and it scares me.

[glen hunt]

I totally relate to that. I really do. I even once had a councillor tell me that when I was 21. (looking back I know should have put a complaint in) That it is just who I am and that would never change. It did though, for a few years at least in my mid twenties.

[Haunted]

Glen - Can't believe a counsellor actually said that to you!!

Do you mind me asking - you said you had a few years that were better.... What changed? Did you have professional help? I hope you don't mind me asking...

[Annie0904]

I can relate to this too and an Occupational Health doctor said "You will never be cured from anxiety" That just made me more determined to prove him wrong. Haunted it can get better and I also had a few good, relatively anxiety free years. It was an accident that triggered it again for me last June but I am on the road to overcoming it again :) You have to think positive...know that you can be well and change all those negative thoughts into a positive.

[Haunted]

Thank you Annie!
I'm glad you were able to find that strength inside you to prove that doctor wrong. I hope it's given you knowledge and strength to help you over-come things this time too :)

[Annie0904]

It has, I have beat it before so I can do it again! (I have to admit though that there have been days when I have felt like giving up) :hugs:

[hanshan]

If you are saying that the worrying and dark stuff comes from inside you - I'd say it's very possible.

If you're saying it's me and I can't change - I'd say no way. Of course you can change.

And if you have trouble, there are many medications and therapies available today which can help you rebalance.

[Haunted]

Annie - :hugs:I believe you can do it. You've beaten it before, so stay strong!

Hanshan - I sort of mean a mix of both. I sometimes worry this is just ME and not an illness - which isn't a nice thought - but then I am trying medication and therapy to help me, so there is part of me that believes I can change...

[theharvestmouse]

Yes I sometimes think that its me and I'm stuck with this negative thought pattern, however I've had periods of recovery when the whole world seemed different and it felt like nothing was holding me back. Change is possible.

[glen hunt]

I went to Uni for 4 years and it allowed me to focus on something external .
I got all the alone time I needed in the library (never that busy) but I also got to socialise when I felt I needed it and could. This made me feel much better, plus the University counsellors where brilliant when I needed them.
I miss that . What with the hikes in education fees, there is no way I am getting back into there now.

[hanshan]

I've got used to the idea that my natural anxiety level is set a few notches higher than other people (ie I'm naturally more prone to anxiety than other people).

In that sense, it is just me, but it can be fixed - I take medications that stop about 80 to 90 per cent of the anxiety. I'll probably be taking them (or something better, if it comes along) for the rest of my life (that's another idea that I've had to get used to).

Once the anxiety is gone, I find the negative thought patterns start to fade away, and I can start thinking in a more positive way. I have to work on it, though.