I'm broken and don't think I can be fixed

[Mogwog]

I don't even know where to start. I have had health anxiety and depression since my son was born with disabilities. We nearly lost him. I have also had 2 very traumatic miscarriages since my son which resulted in hopital stays.I have been absolutely fine on antidepressants - no problems but have come off them because we want another baby........ But I have now developed a fear of germs mainly toxoplasmosis as I know it can stay in your system for months after you catch it and you can pass it onto a baby if you get pregnant within that time. I am a mess, I think it's everywhere. My son is going away in a month to a farm for a school camp and I'm convinced his clothes and camping equipment will be covered in it and ill catch it when I wash them. I'm scared to eat, touch things etc - it's insane

It all comes down to the fact that I am scared out of my wits that I may lose anther baby or it will have birth defects again ( please don't think I don't love my son just the way he is because I do - he means the world to me)


My dr has said I can't take antidepressants due to previous history of having a child with birth defects but I am so so low - I want to runaway ( i know that wouldn't solve a thing)


My dr has referred me for counselling but the wait is 12 weeks.


I have let everyone down and am so broken I just don't know what to do anymore

[Annie0904]

First of all you have not let anyone down. You are not well and you have gone through so much. I have had 4 miscarriages myself so know how traumatic this can be. I think you should go back to your doctor and tell him just how desperate you are feeling. Tell him what you have told us and see if he can get you help and support sooner. :hugs::hugs::hugs: xx

[Mogwog]

Thanks Annie

I've contacted a counselor in my area - its £30 a session but otherwise the wait on the NHS is 3 months.xxx

[Cat lady]

Mogwog you havent let any one down, your are a brave brave lady. sending hugs to you, xxx

[BlueScarlett]

You are definitely not broken; you are very brave. We are all human and everyone has rough patches. Maybe talk to a friend or family member about what you told us- it's always nice to have someone close standby you also :)