The thought of people not wanting my sister around...

[claire_2910]

Hello

I suffer with anxiety/panic/depression im 23 years old my life has peaks and troughs. But now matter how hard I try these troughs seem to get in the way and I can't get through them very well.

My sister - has a disability called Williams syndrome. She's friendly, outgoing but also can be a bit of a handful. Shes 25 but mentally 13/14. She can walk, get ready herself and is quite able to get around.

My parents have gone away and i am looking after her for 5 days. My girlfriends parents have also gone away and my girlfriend is looking after her nana who is 87 (but she's all with it if you know what I mean).

So I suggested why don't the four of us stay at my girlfriends house, they have a loft room where my sister could sleep and that way, i get to be with my partner, her nana is cared for and my sister feels apart of it.

Now, my girlfriends parents have never been in the company of my sister for too long, have met her a few times (even though we have been together for over 5 years) and each time my sister will hug them.

My girlfriend said it was fine then a few days before, said her mum doesn't want my sister there. When I asked why , I didn't get an answer. My girlfriend said that she could still stay over and her nana would keep it quiet.

Last night me and my sister went round to the house. At the door my sisters face was beaming, she was so excited to be around different people (she doesn't have many friends etc) - she promised to be good and polite. When we got through the door, my girlfriend hardly said a word to me and this annoyed me, it was awkward and her nana gave a funny look. My sister went and spoke to her nana and she was fine with her.

When we went to bed my girlfriend said her nana is now not happy with her being here incase her mum finds out. She's not an animal! :mad:

Last night I cried myself to sleep. The thought of people not wanting my sister around - for no real reason - makes me hurt and upset. I have told my girlfriend to spend the weekend with her nana and i will with my sister. She thinks we are all going to the zoo tomorrow, but don't see why we should now.

My girlfriend doesn't see the issue and says i'm blaming her when she has done nothing. But my girlfriend has had lots of people stay at her parents before, their own family and small children, my girlfriend's friends.... (ok maybe not recently as we have moved out and live together) but in the past... so why not my sister? I think its disgusting....

Im upset and can't stop crying, i feel so sorry for my sister. She doesnt even know but is just so oblivious to all of this and just kept saying how excited she was for the weekend.

I don't know what to do......:weep:

[Granny Primark]

What a very sad story.
Sadly I cant advise you cus I really dont know what id do if I was in your situation. (other than give them a piece of my mind)
I hope things go well and that you have a lovely easter.:hugs:

[claire_2910]

Thanks Lynn, don't know what to do either. Part of me wants to accept it , as i dont want arguments and even though im not on my own at home (as my sister will be there) i do get anxious... without my girlfriend around.

[Tessar]

I just don't understand some people sometimes. I suppose your girlfriend's nana feels like she is torn between doing what your girlfriend would like but also is concerned (I suppose) about not upsetting your girlfriends parents as well. Personally I can see nothing wrong with your sister being there and in all honesty, the lovely smile of an innocent child and their approval is one of the most positive things anyone can experience (even if in this instance, that child is inside an adults body).
I remember when my grandmother was really old, we used to go and stay with her while my aunt & uncle were away. For me that was about making sure my granny was ok and I felt like I was repaying all the love and fun times she gave me as a child. I am certain that had we been in the same situation and taken my little niece (who has downs) along with us, my grandmother would have loved the company of a child.
So what if someone who appears an adult in looks, is a child still at heart? Basically we are all like that in our own way. When we marvel at something beautiful, or are amazed by something we see for the first time.... That moment of feeling excited or fascinated is after all the inner child we have. All that curiosity to explore something new all comes from our inner child.
Some people take life way too seriously, really they do. They don't let that inner child come out to play. At heart, my niece is just like all my other nieces and nephews - and she is lovely with it. Yes .... Like your sister she is a handful but she is worth it because if you connect with her just like you would with any child of any age (or even an adult for that matter) then the rewards are very worthwhile. Ok, sometimes because she doesn't have a full understanding of boundaries or that she might innocently do things or touch people in ways that aren't acceptable she can make you feel a bit uncomfortable. But in that instance it's up to the adults to explain to her why she can't do some things she wants to. For me, it's just part of the deal and is no different to any child learning about behaviour or boundaries. I suppose some people aren't patient enough but that is their problem. Maybe they can't be bothered, but it's entirely their loss.
I expect you are very aware that some people don't seem to be geared up to cope with anyone considered out of the ordinary ... But then what is ordinary exactly? It makes me laugh sometimes how if people are in the majority, then what they see as ordinary is right (in their view). But for probably everyone on this site, in our own ways we are considered "different" somehow by our peers, community or the world at large. Often though those others are just ignorant or maybe scared. Or perhaps even both. But really we are all just people and people come in all shapes and forms. Some are just not very good at accepting the ones who are a little bit different. That's their problem, not ours.
When I think how everyone here wants so badly to "fit in" and we all worry about what other people think and we don't want to be seen as different, well..... We are. And so what?? So bl:mad::mad:dy what?
We should start a movement all of our own. I don't know.... Something like...."we love the way we are and sod you if you can't cope with that". We can all go on marches and have lots of fun while we are at it. all comers welcome providing they dont mind sharing their quirks with us (because lets be honest, we ALL have them... Even the so called average or ordinary people). Hmmm I think I may have to work on the name of this new movement, it's a bit too long.
I think what I am trying to say is..... it's easier said than done but sod those people who aren't able to just accept people as they are. It's no reflection on you, your sister or your family as a whole. I don't know what the answer is to this specific situation really but quite clearly your sister is a valued part of your family. If I were you, then Anyone who is friends with you (and especially your girlfriend) has to be willing to accept your sister, otherwise for me it would generate I'll feeling for me deep down. Just because some people are different doesnt mean they should be targeted or ignored. I get very angry when stuff like that goes on and having been a target myself I know what it's like to be on the receiving end. Shall I come and knock their heads together for you because that's what I feel like doing!!!!!!:wall::wall::wall:
The situation was probably more about a battle of wits between your girlfriend and her nana, it isn't clear where their difference of opinion lies but I guess it's understandable her nana might feel compromised. This may be why you could feel tension where they were concerned. That it rubbed off on how they were with you but maybe they didn't intend that. It's good that her nana was ok with your sister. I do feel the situation was less about her presence and more about what may happen in the future if her presence were discovered by your girlfriends parents.
It must be really, really exasperating for you and I understand totally why you'd not feel like going out with everyone. I am sure I'd be the same. I hope your weekend improves. You'll have to let us know how it goes.

[Lilharry]

Oh I'm really really sorry to hear they are behaving like that. I would be upset too. Just know that they are in the wrong here. I would try educating them about your sister's condition and show them that there is nothing to be frightened of. That's often the problem for people - they are scared of the unknown. Other than that I guess all you can do is continue on being strong for your sister xx

[Edie]

Hi Claire, I'm sorry people are being so unfair.

Is it your girlfriend who has a problem with your sister, or her family? Only they are kind of different issues that would be handled different ways. In any case, they really need to accept that your sister is part of your life and that isn't going to change.

[buckeroo]

That's really harsh, hug goes out to you x

[Anxious_gal]

To be honest I think your girlfriend is being a brat and it's really her that doesn't want your sister around, but she's being passive aggressive n sulking n using her mother as an excuse.
Seems like the most logical reason considering her mother isn't even there n your girlfriend couldn't give you a real reason.

But at the same time your girlfriend doesn't have to like your sister or want her around, it's not a personal thing. I know it can be hard, that you care and are very close with your sister.

I think you need to to try and talk this out with the girlfriend n try to get an honest answer out of her.

[Tessar]

Hey Claire I'd been thinking about you & wondered how things are with you now & if it worked out ok over Easter?

[Serafina86]

This is horrible reading. She's your sister. Surely the happiness outweighs any 'issues' they have with her being in the house. People are so ignorant. I have just looked up the syndrome and i found this sentence :

Parents often say the joy and perspective a child with WS brings into their lives had been unimaginable.

I think the issue lies with your gf/ her family ... most certainly not with you or your sister. I hope you both enjoyed easter and made it to the zoo :)