I just know I'm dying

[Eek]

So I've had a year and a half of hell since this bout of HA has started. I had a brief bout of it back in my 20s but nothing like this. I just know there's something wrong with me, that I'm dying and no one can find what it is. I get all sorts of symptoms, I won't go into everything as I've posted my problems on here enough, but the night sweats continue in full force and now I have a terribly itchy scalp that forms little itchy bumps on it that scab over, the doctor has given me some cortisone lotion but it's doing nothing. I am not using any new products on my hair or skin or for washing clothes etc. there's no explanation for it and it's getting worse.

This is just several in a long line of things all leading me to believe there is something awful going on inside me. I don't know how to cope with this any more. I have no friends, my family have had enough and I don't blame them, I feel so alone. I have no idea what to do or how to get through each day. I'm basically a mess and just waiting for this illness I think I have to do its worst.

[emeraldgirl]

I think everyone with HA has been in this situation so can really empathize with where you're coming from. If you have been to the doctor I think they would have followed up if they were concerned. What disease do you think you have and have you mentioned all the symptoms to the doc?

[panickyme]

Awwww Eek I'm sorry you are not feeling well. As long as you are here with all of us, you are not alone. I so understand how you feel. I function everyday, but barely. I always have that big black cloud hanging over me, with that sense of impending doom. I like you have HA which really stinks, it takes over. We will find a way to get past this some day. Try to hang in there. Hope you feel better. :hugs:

[Pauldh]

Hello there.I saw your quote and it made me read ,your thread ....I just had a collapsed lung on my left side...and because of the movement of my heart and internal organs..I feel like im going to die too ...so i know where your coming from!!...Have you been to see a good ,Doctor about your problem's ...it is only a suggestion . but i think it may Help you ...I know it sound's scary ..and we dont really want 2 know if something is badly wrong( do ,we ?)..But it may give you ,peace of mind ...I sincerely,Wish you all the best...

[cattia]

We've all been where you are now and indeed I am still there some days. You just feel like you're the only one who can see this obvious terrible illness and nobody will take you seriously. However strong your conviction is, it's your HA talking. The strength of our belief in an illness bears no relationship to how likely the illness is and the chances of you having something deadly that doctors have missed is pretty remote. Try to keep getting through each day, this will pass and there will be brighter days ahead.

[Thumbelina]

Eek,
If thats of any comfort - in my bad anx periods i sweat at night so badly i have to put towels under me.
I was worried sick as well and was asking about on that. Ab 7 y ago my throat was covered with white spots inside - no pain..and doctors couldnt figure out why. So they agreed itwas because i had GAD abd immune system but a bit down.
You could be itchy of some allergic reaction to the combination of factors incl medicine. But as far as remember itchy scalp and skin are also classified as anxiety symptoms.
Hang in there...

[Lilharry]

I htink the worst thing about health anxiety is the way we link all of our minor symptoms to some huge big scary cause, like they were little signs alerting us all along. Well that's what I do. I wlil look back to minor symptoms that I had years before and are totally unrelated and think "Ooo, that was a sign! How come I didn't do anythingn about at the time? Now I'm going to die through my own negligence!" It's all totally irrational and I think that's what you have to keep reminding yourself. The fear you are experiencing is irrational fear, not based on fact at all. I don't know if I've posted the link to the online health anxiety module I've been recommending to everyone for everyone, for you yet Eek, but I would seriously suggest you have a go at it and see how it makes you feel. I felt way better after I'd done and it helps me rationalise my fears much better now. Although, I still have bad days too :( http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=53

[dusty41]

Thanks for the above link, downloaded them, they seem very helpful.x

[Eek]

Thank you all. I have looked at that workbook, I posted a link to it once before, my therapist uses the worksheets from it. It helps a bit, but I find it very hard to believe that this is just anxiety talking.
I'm sure that there is something lurking, I don't know what and I've stayed away from google with my itchy scalp as google will say I have scalp cancer or something equally evil.
One thing that worries me is that I've been diagnosed with a rare form of thrush that is resistant to treatment called candida glabrata, my gynae rang me with the results and it then is three weeks until I can see him. It's been two so still have a week to go. I'm worried that it's gone systemic and is killing me and that's what is causing the scalp itch.
I'm also worried about treatment as I foolishly googled when I found out about it and some of the treatments can be fatal in themselves and others can have reactions with the medications I am on.
I just want to feel normal, I want to know I'm going to be OK I can't stand this constant fear that I'm dying all the time.

[Justinf]

How long has it been eek? Sorry to push some tough love on you, but it's been a while. If you were terminal, you would absolutely know it by now. Sorry to sound harsh. Please try to think rationally about this. The night sweats would have manifested into something more serious if it was serious. Everythign points to you NOT having a terminal illness.

[nck44]

I found a jounral I did from 11 years ago daily and in it I put how I thought I was dying and wouldnt last the year, that was 2002
I've spent the last 11 years wasting my life worrying about something that hasn't happened yet and it makes me mad that instead of enjoying life I was constantly worried about dying

Please dont waste your time like I did. Worry about it when it happens.

[Eek]

How long has it been eek? Sorry to push some tough love on you, but it's been a while. If you were terminal, you would absolutely know it by now. Sorry to sound harsh. Please try to think rationally about this. The night sweats would have manifested into something more serious if it was serious. Everythign points to you NOT having a terminal illness.

I know logically it would seem that way, but HA is not logical, plus I still keep getting symptom after symptom so I'm sure there's something going on that they haven't picked up on, though the latest thing is from antibiotics I took a few weeks ago - a rare form of hard to treat thrush. But I'm so certain that it's become systemic and is going to kill me :(