Why am I constantly in panic attack mode?

[JamesJ]

I'm always in panic attack mode. In the last 10 years there has been rarely a day gone by that I don't thinking I'm going to die.

I have a fear of a heart attack. I'm sure others here do too. There's no reason for the fear, and after 10 years of such thinking I should be saying to myself: "Look, nothing has happened in the 10 years of worry, so it's not going to happen now" ... but I don't. As hard as I try my brain is set in it's ways.

Yesterday I was on the bus with my headphones on. The bus went over a bridge that caused my stomach to turn. I wasn't aware it was going over a bridge as I was looking at my phone. The feeling of going over the bridge set off a panic attack. I had to get of the bus and calm down.

20 minutes later I was in a meeting. The noise around me caused me to feel off balance. This set of another panic attack. I had to leave the meeting!

All day I was then in a panic attack mode where anything could set it off and felt generally crappy.

This is just a typical day. I've gone through this so many times I should be used to it. When I feel in this crappy anxiety state you can see it in my face. I look drawn and pasty.

I hate leaving my local area. My girlfriend lives some 12 miles away, and I won't get on the bus to see her because I hate being outside the proximity of my comfort zone. She has to come to see me ... which is unfair but she understands.

I'm supposed to be going for a pub meal in 30 minutes. I don't want to go. I'd rather sit in the house and feel safe.

10 bloody years and nothing has changed. Infact it's got worse. CBT don't work. Medication don't work. I've stopped taking medication altogether because it just don't do anything for me.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

[Bekzie]

Hi James, yep I feel the same way too, although I am still waiting for CBT, I have been having attacks since 2005. I don't go to places that make me feel uncomfortable and at least once a day think I am about to die. I have only just found a doctor who listened to me all the others didn't. I am trying to manage my anxiety with herbal remedies and they seem to be working pretty good so far for me. I am having a bit of a bad day today but do not feel anywhere near as bad as I did last week :)
I hope you find a way of coping that suits you

[JamesJ]

Hi James, yep I feel the same way too, although I am still waiting for CBT, I have been having attacks since 2005. I don't go to places that make me feel uncomfortable and at least once a day think I am about to die. I have only just found a doctor who listened to me all the others didn't. I am trying to manage my anxiety with herbal remedies and they seem to be working pretty good so far for me. I am having a bit of a bad day today but do not feel anywhere near as bad as I did last week :)
I hope you find a way of coping that suits you

I wish I could find a way of coping Bekzie. It seems as if I've tried everything. I've accepted the fact that it's likely I'll live with this for the rest of my life, I just wish I didn't feel so crappy when these attacks occur - before, during and after.

Why are you feeling bad today? Just having a crappy day with the anxiety?

[CharlieM]

James,

I am in the same boat as you regarding my anxiety/panic cycle. The difference is mine has only been going on 6 months. That length of time has been awful for me, so I can't begin to imagine how TEN years must have been.

Despite numerous heart-related tests which all came back normal, I can't shake the horrible feeling that I am going to have a heart attack any moment. My GP has formally diagnosed me with Health Anxiety and Panic Attacks. Even that hasn't reassured me!! Madness isn't it.

Now for a little bit of good news. I have downloaded the CBT4Panic packs as recommended by many on here. I am also taking some Rescue Remedy as I am reluctant to take SSRI's. I am drinking water instead of tea/coffee. I also have a banana every day.

All these things are helping me from escalating to full blown panic attack. But the background feelings of anxiety are ever present, and if I get any pain in my chest, armpit or arm, I feel the panic rising. My armpit is uncomfortable pretty much all the time and every so often it travels down my left arm and my hand tingles. My GP says this is muscle/nerve related due to being tense and on high alert all day. This explanation does make sense, but when it is happening, I can only think 'heart attack'!!!!!!!

I find this forum comforting and am always looking at it. I NEVER google my symptoms as everyone says that is the worst thing I can do. One day, I just hope it will subside so I can get back to my old existence. I hope this helps ease your fears, as I do believe everything we both describe is anxiety related.

All the best

Charlie

[panickyme]

Oh boy, I am just like Charlie, so I will just borrow what he wrote, my biggest thing is the heart also, and 1 little symptom sends me panicking. I do believe we are on such high alert at all times, that we don't even let ourselves relax. Therefore we are always going to worry. We need to break the cycle, and we just haven't learned how. Hope you feel better soon. :hugs:

[Bekzie]

I wish I could find a way of coping Bekzie. It seems as if I've tried everything. I've accepted the fact that it's likely I'll live with this for the rest of my life, I just wish I didn't feel so crappy when these attacks occur - before, during and after.

Why are you feeling bad today? Just having a crappy day with the anxiety?

Hi James,
You won't be like this forever, none of us will, we just need to find a way to get through this that suits us. We can all get through this.
I am not feeling to good as I have quite a bad cold but my HA is making me worry about all the symptoms, and that then makes me feel really panicky. I am taking kalms, and a few other herbal/natural remedies that are helping me, I still feel panicky but they seem to stop me having full blown attacks which is great.
Have you spoken to your doctor about how lost you feel? :hugs:

[JamesJ]

Hi James,
You won't be like this forever, none of us will, we just need to find a way to get through this that suits us. We can all get through this.
I am not feeling to good as I have quite a bad cold but my HA is making me worry about all the symptoms, and that then makes me feel really panicky. I am taking kalms, and a few other herbal/natural remedies that are helping me, I still feel panicky but they seem to stop me having full blown attacks which is great.
Have you spoken to your doctor about how lost you feel? :hugs:

Yeah I've spoken to the doctor on many many occasions.

I spent the last 12 months in prison - I was sent to prison for computer hacking just for the record - and the doctors in there were dreadful. Imagine having a panic attack locked behind a door with no way out. But, anyway, the prison were concerned I may have Aspergers syndrome and that the anxiety and depression I have, plus the other symptoms related to Aspergers. Got to have testing for that.

I don't think I'll ever find a way of dealing with this. After 10 years it seems like there's nothing that will cure it.

[Bekzie]

Yeah I've spoken to the doctor on many many occasions.

I spent the last 12 months in prison - I was sent to prison for computer hacking just for the record - and the doctors in there were dreadful. Imagine having a panic attack locked behind a door with no way out. But, anyway, the prison were concerned I may have Aspergers syndrome and that the anxiety and depression I have, plus the other symptoms related to Aspergers. Got to have testing for that.

I don't think I'll ever find a way of dealing with this. After 10 years it seems like there's nothing that will cure it.

James I'm not surprised you feel the way you do after what you have been through. It will take you a while to adjust I'm sure. Never give up hope that things will get better. The self help and remedies section here on the left are very helpful and have very useful info :hugs:

[Thumbelina]

HiJames, you have been through allot and no wonder when you now.remember only bad things.
I am pretty sure you had quite a few.good period during these past 10 years which you treasure, so maybe its good to focus on them and belive that you will get more and more stable periods...

[potato11]

Hi James

If you haven't seen it already, check out the link "nothingworks" in my signature

It makes good points about how the brain is wired and why the harder we "try" to cure/get rid of anxiety, it seems worse or neverending

hope that helps :) and good luck with cbt4panic, it's also great.