PDA

View Full Version : CBT Self-help



W.I.F.T.S.
17-09-06, 09:54
I've woken up this morning feeling quite depressed and fairly anxious too. I'm going to try and use CBT to see the truth in my thoughts.

The trouble that I find with this method is that it seems to be focussed on self-criticism, whereas I feel like I'm depressed because I feel scared of so many things, lacking in confidence and unable to relax and have a good time. I PHYSICALLY feel depressed. I suppose that it must come from my thoughts though, so I'll try and unravel them.

Actually, this is really hard.

"everyone else is much more confident than me and can enjoy things (such as travel) that I find daunting". I guess that this is jumping to conclusions. Yes, some people are able to enjoy things that I find daunting, but everyone has their fears and weaknesses. Two lads who play for my football team have travelled quite far, but one has had an absolute crisis of confidence about his abilities and another doesn't believe that he is good enough to play in the first team and was convinced that I'd got it wrong when I said that he was man of the match.

"I repel people" Over-generalisation. I think like this because I walk into a room and people don't throw themselves at me. Ok, so I don't ooze charm, confidence and charisma, but how many people that I know could I actually say that of? Through doing football I'm actually speaking to a lot more people at work and they make a point of wanting to come and talk to me. Very often I don't pay people much attention, instead using my phone- this is something that i could improve.

"I'm never going to be happy" Disqualifying the positive: I actually felt fairly good last night when I went out with my mate and his brother. I enjoy organising my sports teams. I have been happy before, so there's no reason why I can't be happy again.

"I'm never going to get a decent job and a nice place to live" Jumping to conclusions. Fact: I'm not going to get a decent job if I stay in my current job and don't apply for anything else. What do I count as a decent job? When I pass my football coaching badges then there is every chance that I could get a job in that. I would count it as a great success if I was able to work full-time in football coaching.

"My depression/ anxiety ruins everything. I'll get a good job and I still won't be happy". Mental Filter. I'm learning to be calmer and more positive. Negative thinking causes me to be depressed and anxious. If I can be more positive then I can make the most out of any situation and getting a good job can only make me happier.

"I'm never going to be able to travel and see the world because of my anxiety" All or Nothing thinking. Before I became ill I went to Ibiza, Amsterdam, Tenerife, France, Belgium, Ireland... Now that my anxiety has come to the fore I can learn to manage it. It's psychological. I'll calm down and it will be much easier.

"I'm never going to get better" Catastrophising. Fact: Depression never lasts for ever, it comes in spells. I will get over this depression and feel much happier. I'm learning so much about myself and the illness at the moment. The same with anxiety, there are plenty of people on this site who have recovered after up to 10 years of panic attacks.

"I'm not the same as everyone else. i don't fit in" Disqualifying the positive. What makes me so different? I probably talk to more people at work than a lot of people. I also talk to a lot of people at the gym. I know that there are plenty of other people out there who suffer from anxiety/ depression (upto 1 in 5). I know that I feel this way because I don't feel amazingly popular!! Because i don't have people calling me up and inviting me for a drink or women thrusting their telephone numbers into my hand I feel like an outcast. I'm normal!! It's like saying that I'm not intelligent because I'm not a member of Mensa. Strive to be better, but there's no shame in mediocrity- that's such an important lesson for me.

I'm reading quite a good book at the moment, 'Feeling Good' by David Burns- it seems like it's the CBT bible. It is quite hard wo

W.I.F.T.S.
17-09-06, 18:47
I'm going to try to keep up with my CBT homework. It says in my book to write 15 mins every day challenging your negative thoughts.

Maybe I should try and challenge the big thoughts that cause me such anxiety?

....I don't know how to do it. I'm trying to say that the world is huge and I feel overwhelmed by it, but how can I challenge that statement? Maybe I'm catastrophising, I don't know. Why does the world being so big scare me? I get scared of all the water there is in the world- any mention of sea levels rising and I start to panic. I guess I just can't comprehend it and that makes me feel anxious. I know that before I just presumed that the ground is the ground and didn't think any more of it, even though I'd learned at school about the different layers of the earth. I just can't get it into my head that we're really sideways. It's been such a revelation for me and I see the world in a completely different way since I realised that fact. It's a bit like living next to a kind, old man and realising that he's a paedophile.

Do I just think this way because I'm anxious? Does everyone just presume that the ground is the ground and get on with it? Maybe I think too deeply about it and everyone else just accepts what they see. I've tried doing it myself, but it's hard.

It's the same with death. It didn't used to bother me too much because I presumed that I'd live to be my grandparents age. Now I'm realising that that's no certainty. I've had so many disturbing thoughts about the human body and at times I've felt like pulling my heart out of my chest because I feel so frustrated that I'm dependent on it for my existence.

I just wish that I could go back to being kind of oblivious to it. But, then maybe, as my anxiety settles down I can accept what I've realised about the world and it will actually make me a stronger person?

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

W.I.F.T.S.
18-09-06, 12:56
Ok, so here's my 15 mins for today. I'm still not sure if I'm doing it right, because the book talks back to answering self-critical thoughts, whereas a lot of my anxious thoughts are to do with my health or the world around me. Maybe I should leave them for now and see if they come up in the book and concentrate on any (self) critical thoughts etc.

I went to help at a primary school today. They're running a course on building 'story sacks' for the kids. I did have a few negative thoughts about it, such as 'what am I doing here with these people? One of them can't even read and another was way below me at school'. i don't really know how to challenge it with CBT, but I know that that is extreme snobbery, which is a problem that I have: I think that I'm above a lot of people and below many others, so it's hard for me to have a relationship with people where I treat them as equals- infact, I'm not sure if I ever have that relatiosnhip with people Hmm interesting.

Anyway, i tried to counter that with more positive thoughts. the girl who was below me at school actually came up with some really good ideas and I mentally appluaded her and the person that I went with was really enthusiastic about it too, when it would be easy for her to be snobby about it, so i tried to use her as a good example. I was really trying to resist the urge to sprawl in my chair and play with my phone, thinking that I was too good for the class, instead remembering that we're trying to do something for the kids, my friends daughter included, that it got me out of the house and that it might even be therapeutic.

Atleast I'm trying to have the right attitude, that's a positive start, because if I don't put anything in to it then i won't get anything out of it. I do find it quite hard though because i'd love to be the sort of person who is in to that sort of thing anyway and is very giving and generous. i feel like I'm pushing myself into doing it because it might help the way that I feel about myself.

Ok, CBT. Mental Filter and Disqualifying the positive for that statement. I might not be amongst the few that love volunteering, are totally selfless and expect nothing back for themselves, but that covers most people. I've done something really positive my making the effort and going there and trying to help. Regardless of my reasons for doing it, I did it and that's really, really positive and what's even better is that I tried really hard to have a positive attitude and to get involved.

I'm really starting to learn how much perfectionism and snobbery has held me back. I've been paralysed by the fear of doing things wrong or them not being excellent and, so I've ended up doing nothing.

It's good that I'm realising all these things, but I don't feel well at all at the moment. I feel a bit like I'm overwhelming myself with the distortions to my thinking- how can i correct snobbery? It just feels like a mountain. I'd love to be really on the level and to think that everything is great. It's especially hard for me being a snob and coming from a working class family, because the chances of me experiencing the finer things in life and mixing with high society are slim, so I'm bound to be constantly unfulfilled and depressed.

CBT. Disqualifying the positive and Labelling. I've actually met lots of celebrities and been to exclusive places through my tv work. there is no reason why i couldn't do the same with my voluntary work and fundraising. Plus, I'm disqualifying the positive because 'ordinary' people have so much to offer, probably more so than the rich and famous. I'm (mis) labelling because I'm not a snob. I may have some snobby attitudes, but I can change those. I'm white, i'm english they are facts. I'm not a snob, that's just a mentality. I can change my snobby thinking my taking time to engage with people and seeing the positive in them rather than automatically discounting them.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

W.I.F.T.S.
19-09-06, 13:38
I've always know that my job has a lot to do with my depression, but I've always thought "if i can just stick it out until easter" or "I can't afford to leave and there's nothing else out there, I'll have to stick with it".

However, now I've reached a point where I'm thinking "I've been depressed for about 4 years and I've worked in my current job for 3.5 of those years." I think I might have even been getting better before I started because i remember feeling excited about going away.

I really feel that my depression would lift if i felt like I had a career and i was doing something that meant something to me. My long term plan is to get into football coaching.

My problem is that I feel a bit mixed up at the moment. My depression is especially bad and I've started having stronger panic attacks again. I know that I hate my job, but I'm afraid of leaving and earning quite a bit less money (or maybe even not finding work) and ending up feeling worse than I am now.

I guess what seems most like common sense is to try and wind my hours down where I work at the moment and to try and make a smooth transition into something else. That is what I've actually been trying to do all year, but I suppose that I've procrastinated and lacked self-belief and so I haven't found something else to get into.

Especially yesterday, driving home after 10 o'clock at night, I thought 'I don't want to go through another winter of driving home in the dark every night'.

All suggestions or comments welcome.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

W.I.F.T.S.
19-09-06, 23:03
I've been feeling a bit fed up recently because my mrs is spending a lot of time with her new best mate and I don't feel as important as I used to. I'm trying to spin this round into a positive:

It gives me the opportunity to come home after work, watch whatever I want on tv and have a chill out.

She's being much more outgoing, which is going to make her happier and more relaxed, which is going to help me.

I have been too dependent on her recently. Because she's not there for me as much it's forcing me to be more independent, to be stronger and to look for other people to develop relationships with.

If I go out and do things on my own, I now feel more able to take my time rather than rushing back home because she has set the example.

I haven't really used the 'Cognitive Distortions' labels there (overgeneralisation, discounting the positive... etc), but I feel like I've stepped back and tried to see the situation in a different light and now I don't feel so bitter, rejected, abandoned or hostile towards her.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

W.I.F.T.S.
25-09-06, 14:56
I'll try and get all my distorted thoughts out first and then deal with them.

"If I leave my job then all I'm capable of getting is another rubbish job and I won't be happy there either"

"I'll never stick at anything"

"I'll always be miserable. Even if I find a great job I'll blow it or find another area of my life to be miserable about"

"If I'm this miserable and stressed now, what will I be like when something really bad happens? I'm so weak and pathetic"

"Everyone else has better life skills than me, they can cope with things much better. I'm going to waste my talents"

"I'm at rock-bottom and I've got nobody to turn to. Nobody wants to hear my problems"

"I'll never get anywhere. I've got A levels and a degree, but all I'm fit for is warehouse work. I'm not even capable of that because I'm so slow and lazy"

"My family and mrs must all be sick of me. I'm so timid and so miserable. I'm no fun to be around"

"I'll never be able to travel or live away from home again because I'm so weak and scared"

"What's the point? I'm no good at anything, nobody really likes me. I'm only passing time"

"I can't provide for my mrs, I'll never be able to afford a home. My life is a mess. I'm never going to get out of being depressed and anxious. I've always been depressed, so I always will be depressed"

"I can't make decisions for myself"

"I always let everyone down"

Ok, now i'll try and answer these distorted thoughts back.

"If I leave my job then all I'm capable of getting is another rubbish job and I won't be happy there either" Overgeneralisation. Disqualifying the positive. Fortune Teller Error. Catastrophising. I am very well qualified with A levels and a degree, I've got 10 years of work experience covering sales, market research, tv and leisure. I can understand why employers have difficulty working me out because I've done so many different things and I don't seem to know what I want myself, so they're not likely to believe that I'll be committed to their company. To counter that I've been working for the same company for 3.5 years and I've been volunteering for the same company for 9 months. My twenties have been a process of elimination. I now have a clearer idea of what I want to do. There is no reason why I can't establish myself as a football coach. I've already done really well to gain an offer of work experience. I might have to take a temporary job until I'm qualified as a coach, but that will be a new experience and might lead to something itself.

"I'll never stick at anything" Fortune teller error. Overgeneralisation. Disqualifying the positive. I've stuck at my current job for 3.5 years and I hate it, why won't I stick at a job that I enjoy much longer? I've stuck at my volunteering for 9 months. I'm not sure what the average time that anybody is in a job for, but I suspect that I've already exceeded that. If I was to continue the job that I'm doing until I retire then I won't be growing very much. I need to continue to gain new experiences and skills without chopping and changing too often. I'm being far too hard on myself.

"I'll always be miserable. Even if I find a great job I'll blow it or find another area of my life to be miserable about" I admit that my attitude hasn't been the best in the past (punctuality, commitment etc), but I'm learning to have a better attitude. It is easy to find fault or to be dissatisfied, who is totally happy with every aspect of their life? I need to focus more on the positives and learn to think more positively. If my voluntary work was a full time job then I would be much happier and I haven't blown that, have I?

"If I'm this miserable and stressed now, what will I be like when something really bad happens? I'm so weak and pathetic" I haven't dealt with stress very well, that's true, but I'm learning stress management techniques. I'm not weak and pathetic at all. i may be genetically predisposed to stress and depression more than other people, I know that my immediate family are worriers and it wouldn't surprise me if they haven't