Control

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I guess it's all tied in with the anxiety/ panic and feeling like you're going to lose control or go mad, but I do feel kind of drawn towards hurting myself and I have to resist. I was lying in my bed this morning and I felt as if I was being pulled to go and get a knife or something, it was horrible. The worst one though was when I felt like I was actually being lifted up and taken there against my will!! I felt myself rising up and i really started panicking.

Another facet of it is that i think about what I want to do with my life and the idea is to leave my factory job and to get into football coaching, but I feel frozen on the conveyor belt of the factory job. I feel like time keeps passing and I'm not in control of myself enough to get off and do something else.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[eeyorelover]

I have had thoughts that have made me feel like I'm losing control too. I think many on here have. It's scary I know but the fact is you have to look at it as just a thought. Thoughts can't do anything to you - only actions can. You didn't go and get the knife. You aren't going mad hun. When you think something like that try to tell yourself that it's silly and concentrate on something else. Doesn't matter what. Just get your mind to switch gears.
I'm sorry that you are having a rough time right now.
xxx
Sandy

[Lynnann]

Hi Wifts,

So sorry to hear you are having a rough time!! I was there myself last night below is a quote from another site:

Go for long walks, indulge in hot baths. Questions your assumtions, be kind to yourself, Live for the moment, Loosen up, Scream, curse the world, count your blessings, just let go, just be.

You will fly and you will crawl. God knows even Angels fall.

Thinking of you

Hugs to you

Lynnann

[W.I.F.T.S.]

thanks guys. I know that you're right. I know that it's just my nerves. I've just felt a bit rough recently because I've had a couple of quite big panic attacks and I haven't really had one in a while.

it's crazy, but I got a big spot on my forehead and I didn't want to go to the gym because of it, which meant that I spent more time stuck in at home and I've been more down because of it- wierd how such a small thing can have such a big impact (it wasn't that small really!!!).

In some ways I feel better: I don't feel as unreal, I don't feel quite so tense in my body, I don't (quite) have the same urges to hurt myself. But I can't let go and relax because I keep expecting something bad to happen and I brace my body in readiness for it. I know that tension is one of the biggest parts of my problems. I keep saying to myself that if my nerves weren't so on edge i wouldn't have panic attacks and my depression would probably even lift.

I suppose I've got to relax my body (which is difficult because my job makes me very tense and my anxiety makes my girlfriend tense, which makes me more tense), to keep working on being positive and to try and learn to let go and cope with whatever happens.

I just can't make my mind up whether I'm seriously mentally ill and I need to be taken away and locked up (which is what it feels like sometimes) or whether it's just because my nerves are shot at and that's making me feel depressed- which reals horrendous, but which is something that can be remedied with some fairly simple techniques.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.