Am i going mad?

[selinaclare]

Hi,i havent been on for a while as ive been really ill,firstly i have sle(lupus) which is flaring badly,i was also diagnoised on 27th feb with Fibromyalgia,i also have a supseptate uterus which im still waiting for my hysterectomy date(my pre op was last november),i also have double depression and i have real bad anxiety.I have no support network,dont talk to hubby or my family,its just me my hubby and kids,my gp and hopsital.I am on a strong cocktail of medication,some for my lupus and alot for my anxiety depression and insomnia.I saw a new rhuematologist as mine nots well,and he put me on pregabalin,last tuesday night i went out of my mind,i was hysterical,i was hallucinating,hearing voices,suicidal and apparently i was screaming and clawing at my face,went to see out of hours doc who said its the medication,cut a long story short i am being weened off them,tonight is my last dose.What im struggling with is the panic attacks im having them every 5 minutes of each waking hour,i cant trust my doctors as they are all giving me and saying take this do that see you again in 4 months time,they are also condradicting eachother with my medicines,one doctor at A&E put me on diclofenac whilst im on nubumatone which is very dangerous.whilst im left to cope with side affects and this damn panic.I feel like im going crazy,i am scared of everything,scared im going to die,scared of leaving my autistic daughter and son behind,scared my illnesses are going to eventually kill me,scared to get in my car and drive it, or even eat.Really scared of new medications as my lupus is making my hypersensitive to them.Im sorry to go on but i just dont know what else to do,no one seems to have the time to listen to me apart from my kids and husband,but even they are begining to lose patiences with me.I feel i am slowly dying inside im not the girl i once was she is lost and i cant find her.

[Pinktel]

Hi selina

You certainly do not sound like you are going mad. You are expressing yourself very intelligently and eruditely, not the ramblings of someone who is losing touch with reality at all.

Instead you are simply displaying anxious behaviour and thoughts which is entirely understandable and to be expected with what you are going through. What rational person is going to accept a diagnosis of lupus and fibromyalgia and just saunter on out of the doctors with never a backward glance? Don't know if you suffered anxiety before all this but if you did then you are naturally going to feel everything ten times more keenly for a start than someone with no anxious history.

When I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism I felt how you are feeling, plus I know lupus can be harder to manage etc so I am in not comparing lupus with hypothyroidism, I can see that a person could be rightly more freaked out by a lupus diagnosis at first glance. However I know 2people living with it and you wouldn't know there was a thing wrong with them.

The first thing I would do if I were you is find myself a decent lupus website, if it was one with a forum so much the better. Then I would get myself educated as much as possible and post all my fears and questions on those forums to start speaking to the people who have lived with it for a time. Get the low down on the meds from the actual sufferers.

You sound like a really sensible woman so have faith that as time ticks by you are going to get your head round this and begin to work it out.

If you need to panic just go ahead and panic!!! Trying to stop yourself and fight it is what is going to prolong the torture for you.

If you are lying in bed a lot at the moment start some CBT. Follow the link in my signature for the free CBT now available, it is a very comprehensive programme I don't think you will find better personally.

Remember, your anxiety is no different to mine, we may have different triggers but our bodies react to the adrenaline in the same way. Remember this is separate from the health issues your physical body is needing to get to grips with, the neuroses are entirely curable.

Get some knowledge on your condition, ask more questions through a lupus website and if needs be get referred to a different rheumatologist, do some digging and find one who comes recommended. You CAN do this, it will totally get better and you will reclaim yourself back if you give yourself time and kindness.

[rockydog]

Hi there I have fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism if i can help in anyway. My fibromyalgia flares under stress and causes a huge range of symptoms, but it does subside again. Just let me know if I can help in at all ?
take care x

[selinaclare]

Hiya,thankyou both so much,i am still trying,Rocky i have just been diagnoised with fibromyalgia myself so any advice would be very much apprediated.xx

[almamatters]

Hi Selina I was recently diagnosed with fibro and when I am stressed I get flares and that many symptoms I lose count. I am still learning about fibro and got some really good advice off this site a few weeks ago. If you search for the thread that I posted when I was diagnosed you can read other people's advice and comments. Lupus and fibro together is a lot to deal with and you are bound to feel stressed and anxious sometimes. I hope you are feeling better soon. :hugs: