oww back to CBT after 3 years it is.

[busybee09]

I had my first CBT therapy about 3 years ago now and these past few months i've just decided i need it again, well some sort of anxiety counselling help anyway.

The problem was, the CBT i had was the first bit of therapy id ever had so i didnt express myself well and held in a lot of emotions even when i wanted to cry id hold it back.

Ive learnt quite well now to open up more than i did do, so do you think this time of CBT will be more beneficial to me? Its probably a stupid question but i need a 2nd opinion :)

My worst sympton atm is the whole depersonalisation thing its driving me nutty. I just dont feel real!!

Anyone relate to this?

[dusty41]

Hi, I'm about to start my second time at CBT, the first was about 4 years ago ! I've already had my initial first meeting with my CBT councilor, different lady from my first one. ! Already from what she was saying it seems a lot different from the first time, she was talking about exposure therapy( I have Health Anxiety, with a bit of social anxiety now) I'm hoping a this time I can learn new ways techniques to be able to conquer this as and when it arises ( I've accepted that I will probably have to deal with this forever)

I think it will be a good thing for you and I both, it will refresh things and maybe open up new ways of thinking in order to ` normal` again !

I'm not entirely sure what depersonalization is to be honest, I've had a few `incidents` whern I've thought hat was a bit strange but not to the extent whern I've questioned it further or its upset me !

Anyway good luck, hope you get some benefit from the CBT, I'm looking forward to going and hopefully get some control back into my life, thoughts and well being! Xx

[BobbyDog]

I think CBT the second time around should be much more beneficial, you know how it works and what you must do to accomplish the tasks you are asked to undertake. Being able to open up more will definitely have a positive effect on your recovery.

Good luck, you CAN do it!

[Tessar]

Gosh natty, you sound just like me. I did cbt/therapy which finished about 7 yrs ago. I was ok for a few years but must admit that the last 2/3 havent been so good & then something happened last year which triggered alot of my old problems. After about 2 months I knew I needed to do something so I decided to see a counsellor. When I was in therapy it was just too scary to cry. I never shed a single tear because it felt like I would fall apart. Also when I was little, I got laughed at for crying so I would have felt humiliated to cry. There were times I wanted to so much but I fought it so hard.
Last year, I knew "it was time" shall we say, to do something about this. That I knew logically crying is ok but I was just programmed to feel otherwise. Also, and this is the bit when reading your post I thought " I know exactly what you mean", I could feel all these emotions inside me which i wanted to come out but it just felt overwhelming. What I had learned in therapy was still there in my mind so I knew I could do it, but I needed to be in a safe & supportive environment where to explore what was going on in my head.
Its been amazing actually. My counsellor is lovely & I explained to her that I understood what I needed to do & so she has let me guide the direction my sessions have followed. I've had really good pointers from her along the way as well but instinctively, having undergone therapy before, I kind of knew how things would pan out. I have had freedom to talk about things & offload so much that had been troubling me. Gradually we moved into deeper areas & crying in front of her for the first time felt pretty scary but I managed it. Since then I have cried many times more in session (& in front of other people too which would have been impossible before as I'd rather have hidden how I felt). Although it felt uncomfortable, it was necessary for me to release these feelings. They simply had to come out. My biggest fear was that if I started to cry really properly & let my guard down, I would become so overwhelmed that I'd just fall apart. The tears would never stop & I'd lose it. Actually it hasnt been that way because any time I did really break down, there has come a point when I was able to become composed again. Also I could really connect with why I felt that way. Those tears represented hurt that I had felt over the years and loss. All those things I had been unable to feel were finally coming out. It is better out than in, believe me.
I recall the first time I cried, at the end of the session my counsellor said to me how important it had been for me & instead of feeling silly, I felt validated & I knew it was a major step forward. Oh dear; brings a tear to the eye now, emotional stuff but for good reason. No doubt your emotions are there, locked away but even if it feels scary to get in touch with them, it is a road that can be taken. It really is worth it. I have cried alot the last few months. Mostly because I had so much emotion locked away from over the years. But as I say, its better out than in though, natty, so I feel you are very wise in realising that you need to see someone. If you find the same value from exploring this as I have then you really will feel so much better for it. More rounded as a person I would say. Best of luck & go for it my friend. For me it's tissues away now, I have cakes to buy to go with our mid morning coffee. I shall raise my cup to you for being brave & acknowledging your thoughts & recognising what would be best for you to do. xXx