Hello everyone

[hanj16]

Hi,

I just found this wonderful site and thought I would say a big hello. I'm Hannah, I'm 23 years old and I suffer from social anxiety and depression. Some days I'm completely fine but other days I struggle to leave my home. I often feel that people are constantly staring at me and judging me, I find it very difficult to use the telephone and my friendships suffer as I often cancel our meet ups because I am overwhelmed with anxiety. I was at uni for two years but struggled so i had to drop out, I'm about to finish my degree through the open university so i'm excited for that because I can take it at my own pace. My biggest fear is that I won't achieve anything with my life because when ever I start something I can't finish it, I feel like I sabotage my own happiness and success. I've dropped out of uni, jobs, volunteering jobs, friendships. It's not that I dont care its just that I feel inadequate and unable to cope sometimes. Anyway without this turning into an essay, I'd just like to say that I'm looking forward to sharing support and friendship with people on this site, it's a blessing we have sites like this to air how we feel and to aid one another as best we can in feeling alittle less alone.

Best wishes
Hannah

[rosiee]

:welcome: Hannah!

I am also studying with the Open University due to anxiety and other things! I too partly suffer from social anxiety and also used to cancel plans the day before as I was far to nervous about going! I have problems making eye contact with people and I am always worried I will say the wrong thing, so i tend to keep quiet and I think people often mistake this for me being rude which obviously not the case!

I have only been on the site a few days and already found it a great help by knowing your not alone!

If you would like to chat or some support anytime, feel free to message me :)

[BobbyDog]

You can make a success of you life Hannah, you are about to finish your Degree, what an achievement, it takes a lot of motivation and strength of mind to study at home.
I am just starting a course distance learning, so I know how much self control it takes.
Well done!

:welcome:

[hanshan]

Hi Hannah,

Just from your post, you have literacy skills that would make you a successful employee in any number of desirable positions.

Don't worry about what people might think! In the first case, it may just be your imagining. In the second case, it may actually be that you are better than them, and they are just trying to bring you down to their level.

[maro111]

Hi Hannah

I know exactly how you feel regarding sabotaging yourself, especially with friendships. I was just wondering. Do you feel as if you dont deserve friends and success? I think thats part of the reason I do it. Like I hate myself so much that I am punishing myself by taking any happiness away from myself.

Its fantastic that you are finishing your degree. That is an incredible thing to do..good for you!

Rosiee and BobbyDog..its superb that you are doing the distance learning courses! I wish you ever success with them!

Mark

[hanj16]

Hi all, thank you very much for your kind words. Its great to have an outlet such as this. Rosiee it seems that we have very much in common, i too feel that people think I am stuck up or arrogant because I tend to stay quiet in social situations as I am unsure of how to be. I'll private message you in a mo for a chat :-) Bobbydog, thank you for your words of encouragement and well done on starting your distance learning course. As you say it isn't easy, it takes alot of dedication. I wish you all the best with it. Hanshan, thank you too for your kind words. I know you are right, i really shouldn't worry about what people think of me, i actively encourage people not to care of what others think of them too but I fail to follow my own advice sometimes. Hi Mark, yes I do tend to feel that I don't deserve friends and success. On the friends front, i feel as if I'm not good enough and I'll let them down so its best to steer clear altogther. On the success front, I want to graduate and have a job, home, car etc but I feel I'll only be able to cope with it all for a short time before my feelings spiral out of control and I'll have to give it all up. So again, its a case of me not always trying as hard as I can or I should because I feel it'll all go wrong anyway. It's a ridiculous cycle of thoughts really. Have you always felt like this Mark? That you are punishing yourself? It tends to be a very lonely place doesn't it!? Wishing everyone all the best and hope to chat with you soon!

Hannah

[maro111]

Hi hannah.

I think when you have low self esteem or confidence you naturally feel that you will let people down or mabye be successful for a while but not be able to keep it up. Its a vicious cycle as, if you keep avoiding situations where you could succeed there is nothing to counter the belief of failure and that belief only gets stronger. The most frustrating thing is is that if we were to take on these challenges and succeed we would start to feel a whole lot better about ourselves. Rationally we all know that some failure along the way is inevitable but I know im my case I can be far too sensitive and let it get me down too much. It really feels like trapped in a prison cell. Knowing the answer is to attack these things and build on the experiences. Its having the self belief to get out there which is so hard. Its an incredibly lonely place. I do think however that as much as bad feeling snowbal, so too can good ones when things start going right.
Punishing myself probably was too extreme a word....but do get mighty frustrated with self

[Mark13]

Hi Hannah. Welcome aboard. You've certainly found a good place to be.

I'm sure you'll find lots of support here, as I have.

[almamatters]

Hi :welcome: Hannah. Hope you find this site as helpful as I do.

[ang37]

Hello every1 I just found this site witch has been a lot of help for me i been dealing with this monster called anxiety for the past year it hasn't been easy but i know ill get better in the end ;:D

[hanj16]

Hi Mark,

You're right, the anxiety combined with low self esteem certainly leads to this vicious cycle of not giving your best because you feel you aren't good enough. Its tough to overcome. I can relate to what you say about being very sensitive and letting it get you down. I tend to ponder on everything negative. I've tried a more mindful approach to my life, so just trying to live in each moment and not worrying about whats been or what will come, it really helps but it can be tough to stay so focused. The loneliness i think is what upsets me the most because I know I've created that situation by pushing people away. It feels like a constant battle doesn't it but at least we have this site to help one another. Hope you've had a positive day :-)

---------- Post added at 20:14 ---------- Previous post was at 20:10 ----------

Hi Mark13 and almamatters, thank you both for your warm welcomes. This site is proving to be a great support already in the little time i've been on here. Hi ang37, welcome to the site, i hope you continue to find support and positivity from everyone on here.

Warm Regards to you all.
Hannah

[maro111]

Hi Hannah,

Yeah the worst part really is the loneliness but as your say, it is made so much worst knowing that ive created it. Have you managed to successfully have a more positive look on life. Ive tried and there are moment when feel a bit positive but it just dosent last. My doc thinks it low seretonin levels. If thatbis the case im not sure if it would be possible to fight without help of some sort. Its a constant battle!! Actually my day has been quite positive. Hope yours has!

Mark

[hanshan]

Hi Hannah,

If you've dropped out of uni, jobs, volunteering jobs, and friendships in the past, it's not because you were stuck up or superior, it's because of some kind of anxiety-related condition.

If you can work on the anxiety, you can become the person you really are.

[hanj16]

Hi Mark,

I do try and maintain a positive outlook as best I can but as you know some days are good and others are overwhelming. I'm trying to avoid medication as much as possible, but I don't want my life to spiral out of control so it may be an option. It is a constant battle you're right - hopefully it'll be a battle we'll all win someday!

Warm Wishes
Hannah

---------- Post added at 21:54 ---------- Previous post was at 21:50 ----------

Hi Hanshan,

Thank you. It's nice to hear someone say that. I think I can be a good person and lead a full life if I can overcome my anxieties. I'm trying to work on them so they don't consume me. Hoping you are well and have had a good day!

Best wishes
Hannah

[maro111]

Hi Hannah...its a battle we will win!! :)

I hope you are having a good day and feeling positive!. Im 6 1/2 weeks into sertraline and had one of the best days ive ever had in terms of anxiety, calmness and confidence. Im so optimistic but not getting carried away. Tomorrow is review with doc.

Mark

[hanj16]

Hey Mark,

I truly believe we will someday - just got to keep fighting! :D

I've an ear infection at the moment but I've had a pretty good day in all. I'm glad it's been a positive day for you too. It really sounds like sertraline is working well for you which is fantastic. Its something I've been considering going on myself. I did want to try and avoid medication but if it'll help me then I'd be silly not to really! Hope your review goes well with your doctor tomorrow, let us know :)

Hannah

[maro111]

Hi Hannah. Really sorry to hear about your ear infection! How is it today?. Doc put me on 100mg sertraline. Hoping it will be a more effective dose. Am a bit restless and tired but luckily no nasty side effects so far :-). Hope your having a good day!

Mark

[ChristopherT]

Good luck Hannah. Hope you can overcome everything as you seem like a lovely person.

[hanj16]

Thank you Christopher. Thats very kind of you :). Hope you are doing well!