new here

[kiwimel]

hi there folks,
I have just come across this site and it looks like a great resource.
I feel as if I have had GAD my whole life. I was diagnosed with GAD at 21 (now 34) and have struggled for years.

I have researched this far and wide, have had short-term therapy, been on meds, ignored it, tried to get rid of it, tried to live with it... and its still here.

My anxiety turns to paralysing procrastination - usually at work, which leads to self-doubt and low self confidence, which leads to depression which leads to anxiety and it starts again. I have read about this but I am still struggling.

In the last week or so I have realised (again) that I
* have very low self-confidence at work. Every one thinks I am doing a great job, I think I am useless and KNOW I am procrastinating.
* also have low self compassion (has anyone heard of this before? It was mentioned in a procrastination podcast I listen to) which means I blame myself for all my weaknesses and don't forgive myself for anything.
* I avoid anything and everything - and think I should look at mindfulness
* I go from anxiety to depression and I am so tired of it all.

I just want to know if any of you guys feel so torn on the reason for their anxiety. Is it anxiety? Or low self-esteem? Or just procrastination? Or just depression? Or perfectionism?

My head hurts and I don't know where to turn first. I've been away for 4 days for Easter and its been awesome, but I have to go to work tomorrow and I am nearly physically ill thinking about it. I am happy to keep looking for a coping mechanism but don't know where to start.

thanks!

[Lilharry]

Hi there fellow kiwi! I can relate to all of the above and for me it definitely came down to self confidence mixed with perfectionism. It's great that you've recognised it, because that's the first step to combatting it. Have a look at these online modules a counsellor sent me. I think they're a good place to start: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

[JaneC]

I'd say it can all come wrapped up in the same horrible big bundle Mel. There's some great stuff on procrastination (and perfectionism etc etc) in David D Burns' book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Hope you find NMP a good supprt.

[hanshan]

Hi Kiwimel,

My take is that anxiety is an emotion, and procrastination is a behaviour. You can work on either, but they are fundamentally different in nature.

You don't say what meds you are taking or have taken. For me, the right mix of meds has taken away the underlying levels of anxiety, which has then allowed me live my life and work at a job without it all getting too much.

Currently I take mirtazapine (an antidepressant) and pregabalin (technically an anticonvulsant but approved for General Anxiety in the UK and EU since 2006). I'm sure both of these are available in NZ, but pregabalin for General Anxiety is probably off-label.

Good luck with it all. Better days are just around the corner.

Hanshan

[kiwimel]

hi all,
thanks for your reply. I found myself in a meeting today with an urge to just stand up and walk out. Don't know where I thought I was going to go, but I managed to talk myself out of it!
Harry, hey there! small world huh :) thanks for the link I've downloaded the start of the workbook you sent the link to. Am still to start though!
Jane I've managed to get that book, will give it a go...
Hanshan - am not on meds at the moment, I keep thinking it'll get better if I can find the right book, right link, right message... but after today, I've made a deal with myself that if I'm not starting to feel better this time next week I am back to the Dr!! promise :)
thanks heaps folks