Im loosing the hold of my life ..

[gregcool]

Guys im really strugling with this and am finding a life withlut contact to the outside world really really hard...being at my sisters in a strange flat with her and her hubby and her older son and his girlfriend hearing them all laughing about and relaxed with life,all in there own ruteens.my days are verrrrry long and verrry lonely and boaring....i just cant adapt to this ...not having my home and familly around me solid now for 11 days..its just getting harder every day and slowly sinking in that this is real and for good. I just cant stop thinking of my life and how i feel i have failed to be happy married in a secure famliy life..i just do not have my wife to cuddle up to,to talk to,so sit next to and lay in each others arms to cuddle with my kids.etc etc. I feel so vonrable hear board and just cant see a way out..my anxiety is so high and my mood so low.im tired of watching tv iv been on long walks but still there is so much time left in each day to fill and i live in a different town now,so no familier faces etc..its like iv been erased from life and everyone is carying on as norm around me..i went to my appt at the chrises team today only to see someone different who gave me only 15 min of what felt like interigation and seemed cross with me because i am not feeling any better after trying recomended advice..i told her to try and see that i have lost my life!! And home and suffer with mental illness on top that is through the roof..she just did not get it..she just didnt see that im greeving for my life i had just lost after 15 years and my depression etc....i left feeling unsuported and worse than i did when i went in..
Im spending most of my days in a room .thats it.i go for a long walk and sit in my sisters front room for a couple if hrs.its such a wast of excistance im a busy chatty sociable guy who has been disabled in life with no one real anymore...I keep getting real low and all i want to do is hear my wifes voice giving me reasurance..but i know thats not going to come..then it hits me i think she is coping without me in her life better thsn i am .she still remains at our home with our kids so she still has everything eles...and the kids to keep her feeling some kind of norm..im not sure what help i need .im not sure ill feel any better..i have no job no motavation no care.i am now hooked again on sleeping pills every night now..i dont have any vission or hope.i want to feel some kind of joy..i just feel empty and hate this..im feeling sorry for myself all the time.i hate me i hate life...What can i do.

[Annie0904]

It doesn't sound like the lady at the crisis team was very understanding today, hopefully you will get someone better tomorrow. I can understand why you will be feeling so sorry for yourself at the moment but you can and will get through this Greg, I just wish we could give you answers and do more to help you but all we can do is offer support. keep posting though Greg, really concerned for you and hope that better days will come soon :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[gregcool]

Thanks for all your support Annie...Im concerned for me two...I can just feel myself becoming more unreasonable to mysekf about things in my head.and im starting to actually have two different conversations with my self..not just thinking to myself...im starting to worry that im slowly cracking up under it all..and i kerp thinking ,i wish i would crack..but just be quick and consume me entirely..just feeling more than depressed at the moment...this is a terrible mess...plus my sister and husband and older kid all smoke cigarets in the house..i hate it.i stink of smoke and the nicoteen im inhaling is making me feel more anxious..esp as i gave up smoking 10 years ago..

[bluesparkle]

hi greg
i think what you are feeling is very normal for what you are going through ...
and yes im going to say those dreaded words but "it will get better in time".
and we do understand ...
we are here for you , why not come into chat for some company.
rach

[Annie0904]

I really can't imagine how hard it must be for you especially having to live in unfamiliar surroundings. I actually said to my husband yesterday "I wish I had won the lottery at the weekend so I could pay for Greg to have the best treatment available" You are in my thoughts and I just feel so helpless not being able to do more for you than support and encourage you on here. :hugs::hugs:

[gregcool]

Annie..Reading your post literaly has made me cry..to hear a complete stranger say such kind and suoortive things like that.To think i have impacted that much in your life for me to pop into your thoughts at home...you are all so kind...

[Annie0904]

Aww Greg I wish I could give you a hug..I sometimes think we are a family here on NMP people are so supportive. Hang in there Greg..things will get better..they have to :hugs:

[inCOGnito]

Greg have you looked into any mental health support teams in your area? They often provide social groups for reducing isolation and support to get bills and official stuff in order. Your GP or crisis team should have some numbers or contacts or just google your local area for a mental health association.

[bernie1977]

So sorry to hear what you're going through. Keep pushing for the help you need from the Crisis Team.

Please keep posting as it helps to get your thoughts out and I would show the crisis team the posts so they might get a better understanding.

Take care :hugs:

[gregcool]

The chrises team are helping with my state of mind and advice for other things..but at the mo im trying to get a new doc surgery..its hard because i need documents with my sistets address.so iv got to get that sorted.etc going to citazans advice for other isues..its just all so crap..

[aggiecuttler]

hi are you actually getting medication to help you? we all understand what you are going through, that pit of doom is horrible i visited yesturday crying constantly did not know what to do with myself, i hate being on my own with my own thoughts horrible, i watch movies to distract myself and if i wake at night same thing, if you have not got any help in the form of meds i would do this asap because there is light at the end of the tunnel and it need not feel like this trust me i have been on anti depressants for many years and they do make you feel normal again and so many of us need them, i try to tell people its not a matter of feeling a bit blue its a matter of living, i have restarted my meds again due to illness and i am waiting for them to kick in, so i am in a weird place but you do not have to do this alone we all know what its like to look at yourself and think where have i gone, i want me back and you can get it have faith:bighug1: