Intrusive thoughts & wedding stress

[MrsStobe13]

Hey all,
Wondered if anyone here can relate or offer advice. I am getting married in 45 days to my best friend but the stress is piling up majorly. I've had intrusive thoughts of stabbing him for a few months that were so bad I thought about cancelling our wedding and fleeing before I harmed him. It's really tiring to battle with these thoughts of attacking him and I don't know why I have them. I put it down to my oral contraceptive but I'm trying to keep an open mind.

The problem I'm having is that as the wedding gets closer, I feel more and more like I'm going to flip out and attack him. I can't cope with the wedding stress and feel like it'd be much better if I just simply cancelled the wedding. I want to be with him and want to be married to him, but the whole show thing is driving me nuts and I've even had stupid thoughts of stabbing him with the cake knife. Weeks ago I had to brave feeling it to assure myself it was blunt, yes, it's got that bad.

It's not just my other half, either. I've had thoughts before of freezing our dog, shutting him in the oven or slicing his throat with a knife. Their horrid and I hate them, I want them to go and never come back, I want to be able to love my fiancé, my dog and my family the way I did before these horrific thoughts began.

This morning I was doing some research on some weddingy stuff and an article came up about a woman who stabbed her fiancé to death hours before their wedding. I've been freaking out all day, convincing myself that I might actually do something like that. I'm already tortured by the thoughts of going to prison for murder as it's not something I have a desire to do. I do have a lot of bottled up anger but can't afford the cost of therapy sessions to vent them.

For a few nights lately I've not slept well as I've had a cold. I've had a few hours disturbed sleep during the day and been up all night. I think tiredness may be partly to blame but I am worried about going out of my mind with all the pressure, too. I'm contemplating stopping the oral contraceptive pill but if I do that there are obvious risks, it's a rock and a hard surface situation.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks

MrsStobe13

[LauraJF]

OH YES I can relate! I'm also getting married soon and I've also been experiencing disturbing intrusive thoughts. :ohmy: But I haven't been as brave as you, we haven't set a date. Right now my plan is to get to town hall for the marriage license and then we will have 3 months to plan a small home wedding.

These thoughts are just a distraction so don't worry, you won't stab him. I had thoughts like that when I was 16 which caused me a lot of distress and insomnia and I finally told my mother and she told me not to worry because I wouldn't even hurt a flea. I realized that she was right I was able to let go of that thought but now I think other thoughts about other things. You're probably the same way, if you weren't you wouldn't be upset by these thoughts.

Please keep in touch, we can help each other through the pre-marital stress. :hugs:

[MrsStobe13]

Thankyou so much! It's hell, my other half looked at me and he knew something was wrong but like a fool I said it was nothing. Now he's led on the bed thinking he's done something wrong and I'm led on the sofa in floods of tears.

We're actually on the other end of the scale, it's practically all done, now it's just losing weight and the final bits. I've got the stag do at the end of this month to get through somehow. 2 nights with him up in Liverpool.

I wish my Mum was the same, she's absolutely convinced I'm autistic but nobody else would diagnose it. The attitude of all the other doctors is that I have friends, I'm in a relationship, I maintain eye contact, smile and don't obsess over anything. I'm quite a forward person (in the nicest way) so all in all, none of the docs want to make that diagnosis. Although I don't think I'm autistic, I do wish I had a diagnosis, if nothing else, just so I could get some support. I do have GAD but I can't accept that these thoughts are just my anxiety. I used to obsess over having a heart attack, nnow I have these violent thoughts they seem much, much worse.

Will definitely do so, though I might disappear off the radar mid May-early June as the big day is 17/05!

MrsStobe13 x

[LauraJF]

It's definitely just anxiety. I don't believe you need any other diagnosis. Go tell him that you're just anxious about the wedding and not to worry. For an anxious person I think it's natural to feel the way you do. :hugs:




Thankyou so much! It's hell, my other half looked at me and he knew something was wrong but like a fool I said it was nothing. Now he's led on the bed thinking he's done something wrong and I'm led on the sofa in floods of tears.

We're actually on the other end of the scale, it's practically all done, now it's just losing weight and the final bits. I've got the stag do at the end of this month to get through somehow. 2 nights with him up in Liverpool.

I wish my Mum was the same, she's absolutely convinced I'm autistic but nobody else would diagnose it. The attitude of all the other doctors is that I have friends, I'm in a relationship, I maintain eye contact, smile and don't obsess over anything. I'm quite a forward person (in the nicest way) so all in all, none of the docs want to make that diagnosis. Although I don't think I'm autistic, I do wish I had a diagnosis, if nothing else, just so I could get some support. I do have GAD but I can't accept that these thoughts are just my anxiety. I used to obsess over having a heart attack, nnow I have these violent thoughts they seem much, much worse.

Will definitely do so, though I might disappear off the radar mid May-early June as the big day is 17/05!

MrsStobe13 x

[MrsStobe13]

Thanks, he came back in and saw me in tears so I just told him I had a burst water mains up my nose. Typically, he looked at my screen and read the title of this thread so..yeah, now he knows :) He said exactly as you did, too. I'd pick up a knife and probably scratch someone's arm or leg or something because I wouldn't know the first of actually killing someone. That..or I'd wave a dinner knife in the air then fall about laughing at my attempts to be scary!
I must admit I do feel absolutely exhausted and I guess with all the wedding stress and tiredness, knowig I also have the dentist next week does't help. It's just a routine but somehow you know they'll find something to have a good bloomin' go at :weep:.. Also want to get a bit of vinyl flooring to stick down in our lounge so we can practice our first dance, but time is getting shorter and money is something we lack, so..

Keep your chin up, and thanks again for all your help! :bighug1:

MrsStobe13 x

[LauraJF]

I'm happy he knows now and I hope you feel relieved!

I love install vinyl floors! I do the stick on vinyl squares. They are fun to install, very easy and not expensive. :D

[MrsStobe13]

Yeah, things us are much better no..until next time I work myself up! lol
Hehe I love fighting ith the big rolls, you have to think and cut bits off carefully, but once it's down and it looks right...amazing! hehe

MrsStobe13 x

[starlight78]

Hi there, Can TOTALLY relate. I got married at the end of last year and my anxiety built up and up. I experienced a lot of intrusive thoughts about going crazy and stabbing. With the help of a bit of diazepam I was able to get a hold of it and tell myself these are just symptoms of anxiety. My mind is playing the 'what if
?' game on me, that is all...
I ended up having the most wonderful wedding day! X x

[Lilharry]

Oh man, stress does all sorts of silly things to us. I have had all those thoughts too. At one point I was going to get rid of all the knives because knowing they were in the house freaked me out! Of course you would never actually do it - you wouldn't be worried about doing it if you were really going to do it. It's just a manifestation of your stress and your anxious mind. When you're calm and happy I bet you don't have those thoughts. I got really stressed out before my wedding too. I was ready to cancel it the week before, and couldn't sleep for a week. But I ended up having the best day ever. Funnily enough, my husband was more nervous than me on the day. I got through the vows with a huge grin on my face, while he was all sweaty and shakey. Let your celebrant take charge and just go along for the ride. You are stronger than you think.

---------- Post added at 09:58 ---------- Previous post was at 09:55 ----------

Ps. I took those rescue remedy pastilles on the day. Don't know if they worked, but I was unusually calm, so worth a shot.

[MrsStobe13]

Thanks all again for your advice and so glad to hear I'm not alone. Starlight78, I have used a bit of St John's Wort before which was excellent, but I had to stop taking it because I started using hormonal contraceptives. I use Rescue Remedy now which is brilliant (even if it brings on fits of "why am I like this?" rather than "I'm going to..") and that seems to work wonders. I've also used Prozac ad Citralopram before but I didn't have any thoughts or emotions at all then, good or bad!

Lilharry, that sounds a lot like us! My other half suffers with depression and self-confidence and I struggle ith anxiety. Once I get to the wedding and I'm back with him, I will fly. He on the other hand is sure something will go wrong and things are finally working out just fine! I am a bit worried about the registrar as we haven't met him/her yet (or we might have, I hope we have, as the lady was lovely!). Time will tell!

MrsStobe13 x

---------- Post added at 22:30 ---------- Previous post was at 22:29 ----------




---------- Post added at 09:58 ---------- Previous post was at 09:55 ----------

Ps. I took those rescue remedy pastilles on the day. Don't know if they worked, but I was unusually calm, so worth a shot.

Most interesting! I swear they do but the original ones are grim. i try and source the blackcurrant ones if I can! lol

[lucas-87]

I also have these thoughts and have had them for years I get them all the time in all situations its not even stress related there just there weather it be about my wife 4 month son work colleagues I find day to day life quite hard and often fined my self praying to be normal. My wife asks me if I'm ok and like you I say yes but how can I say actually im thinking about herting you & everyone. What annoys me most of all is that ive never had a fight in my life and im so easy going. I fined it mad how it feels like im the only one in the world with this problem but then realise how many of us there are :) xxxxx

[Lilharry]

Re the worrying about something going wrong, well seriously, it will just make the day more real and memorable if it does. My music for walking down the aisle wouldn't work and my hubby got the guests to sing me down the aisle! It was hilarious and set the tone for the day. Don't worry about stuff going wrong, its actually kinda cool when it does. Perfect weddings are boring.

[MrsStobe13]

Lucas-87, that exactly! I get so upset because like you I'm not violent! I wante to work for the police when I was a kid, why would i want to be the sort of person to break the law, what good would that do me? I know what you mean about not being able to tell your partner, when i get the thoughts I just want to run and hug my other half and be where I feel safest but if I did that everytime I got them he'd never get anything done and neither would I!

Lilharry, that's so true! I already have a chief bridesman so you know what? Quirky from the start! I would of had a chief bridesmaid, but the first had to let me down gently because she needed spinal surgery and the second just turned around and point-blank refused, cheers then! I was crying on my brother's shoulder and he just said "I wish I could help, sis, but I'm afraid I'm the wrong shape for it". I think I spent about an hour thinking about it and decided sod it, I'd have me a chief bridesman instead! We even tried to get our dog to the ceremony for photos but that's proving impossible. Shame as he's such a little social sweetie but there's really nobody to take him from A to B. I've just sorted out all the paperwork which can go in the post tomorrow. Few more bits n pieces to do but asides that I think we're done. I am looking forward to being married though, big time! 3 years I've been waiting to share the surname of the man I've loved since I stepped into the office :D.

MrsStobe13 x