Struggling to get out

[LauraJF]

I've been a member here for a few years and I don't post often so it's probably time for a new introduction. I've been engaged for 5 years, own an old farmhouse with my fiance just 3 miles from here and agoraphobia is preventing me from visiting the other house and moving in.

My biggest challenge is driving myself to get there. I like to feel in control and I don't like being a passenger so I prefer to drive myself but I experience anxiety when I'm driving so I don't drive very often.

Right now my plan is to desensitize myself by getting up early, around 5 am to go for a drive when there aren't many cars on the roads and the kids aren't out waiting for the school buses.

I drive a 19 year old 4 x 4 pickup truck and last year my father started commenting about how loud it is and that I wake him when I start it. I never realized it was loud until he started commenting so now I feel too self conscious to start it. If I wait too long my mother will be up and she makes comments that when I go out I should stay out and not come back home right away so I feel self conscious to go out for a drive when she's awake.

It's a new morning, just past 9 am and here I'm am, still in my bedroom. I felt too self conscious to go out this morning and a man is coming to work on the house today. He parks in front of my truck and blocks it in so I won't be able to drive today, even if I want to without asking him to move first. I feel my best when I first wake up, my anxiety starts to build as the day goes on so I prefer to go out when I'm well rested. Hopefully someone here will relate and I'm not just babbling. :blush:

I hope to get past this feeling of self consciousness and just go, maybe tomorrow. If the worker wasn't going to be here today I would at least go out and sit in my truck for a few minutes but I feel weird doing that when he's here.

[kittikat]

I can certainly relate to how you feel with the agoraphobia and driving...



My biggest challenge is driving myself to get there. I like to feel in control and I don't like being a passenger so I prefer to drive myself but I experience anxiety when I'm driving so I don't drive very often.



Although I can drive short distances in the car, I have a small comfort zone which I cannot go past. I find I am better if I have someone I trust with me, perhaps if you can do this and first take short journeys with someone, you can build the confidence to do it on your own.

I had exposure therapy to help me with the agoraphobia. Mine is related to being too far away from my place of safety (home). I had to circle on a map where I felt I could go comfortably and very slowly increase the distance and time I was away from home. At first I did it with the help of my partner and when I felt ok about something I had to do it on my own. Don't let anyone pressure you as this will make you feel worse, it has to be taken slowly, baby steps. But with positivity and determination, you can do it...and if you try and don't succeed, don't beat yourself up about it, just praise yourself for trying and keep at it. I am still a work in progress and there are many things I still can't do, but when I look back and see how far I have come, those short distances that seemed so out of reach are quite easily achieved now and I have definitely been able to extend my comfort zone.

I wish you luck. Kitti :)

[LauraJF]

Thank you Kitti,

How many miles are you able to drive? I hope that within time I can put the 3 miles inside of a circle in a map and drive that distance whenever I want to. Right now it's difficult for me to go even 1/4 mile. Thank you for mentioning that, I feel like seeing it on a map might help me to make the circle my goal for this Spring.

My fiance works nights and we're on opposite schedules so it's hard to get him to go out for a little drive with me so I just go by myself.

I have the same problem, the further from home I am the more anxious I feel.

Laura

[kittikat]

Hi Laura,

I can probably do 3-4 miles now alone, perhaps a little further when someone is with me, but it depends on when and where I go. Traffic makes a big difference and I get much more anxious also I hate busy roads so I avoid them where at all possible.

If you just slightly extend your 1/4 mile each time you drive you will have achieved something, however small, and it will be a step in the right direction. Confidence will come the more you repeat this. Believe in yourself, you can do this. I hope you reach your goal!!

Kitti :)

[LauraJF]

Thank you Kitti,

I'm sure I can too but I feel self conscious because of the comments my parents make so I have to just accept that they are going to say things and keep moving forward. I will be very happy with making it three miles like you're able to do. I have to pass the police station and some traffic lights and my irrational fear is I will start to panic and just about at that moment get pulled over and freak out! I know that's not rational and if I get pulled over I will most likely appear to be fine (I hope so anyway).

Laura

[kittikat]

That's the irrational thoughts of anxiety for you Laura...try some distraction therapy too, put on some music you like and sing along...You have to understand your parents probably find it hard to understand what you are going through, they really don't mean to be insensitive. You can do this!!

All the best, and remember, small steps ;)

[LauraJF]

Thank you for saying that Kitti!

The workman left early today so I drove my truck up the street and back. I will try to go further tomorrow morning. Once I'm driving I feel like I can go forever but I know there's a point I always reach where I start to feel panicky so I will stick with small steps for now. :D

Laura


That's the irrational thoughts of anxiety for you Laura...try some distraction therapy too, put on some music you like and sing along...You have to understand your parents probably find it hard to understand what you are going through, they really don't mean to be insensitive. You can do this!!

All the best, and remember, small steps ;)

[kittikat]

Awww, well done Laura, that's a fantastic achievement and I hope you can see that too. You must be very proud of yourself.

Small steps, positive attitude, thats the way forward :yesyes: am really pleased for you!

[LauraJF]

Thank you Kitti,

I appreciate your positive support!

I feel good about today's efforts. I hope to have the courage to go again tomorrow. :)

Laura