Do you self comfort?

[Lilharry]

My friend just sent me a link to an interesting blog about self comforting vs self caring and I realise I do it a lot. When I get anxious, I curl up in bed and put the telly on to help me relax. I thought this was a good thing because it was better than getting stuck into a bottle of wine or something bad for me. But maybe self comforting isn't really that good after all? Perhaps doing the thing that makes me feel better temporarily is, in the long run, not getting me any further ahead. The blog suggests that what we really need to do when we're craving comfort is to exercise some "self care" - this involves things like, going for a walk, doing a craft, writing in a diary, meditating etc etc. These are all things I once loved to do, but I tend to put them off in favour of the easier self comforting. I can even relate it to when I suffered from agoraphobia - in a way that in itself was self comforting over self caring - it was easier not to face my fears, but in the long run it didn't help me get over the fear.

What do you guys think about this?

Here's the blog: http://www.stratejoy.com/2013/04/self-care-vs-self-comfort-what-do-you-really-need/

[hanj16]

Hey Lilharry,

I think this is very true! I often self comfort like you, I tend to want to stay on my sofa and watch films or log onto my computer when really I know this kind of behaviour on a long term basis is no good for me. I know if I only push myself alittle to go out or do something constructive it will benefit me, yesterday for example I felt awful, I was getting very panicky at the thought of leaving my home, but I was due to meet a friend for a walk. I often cancel on my friends at the last minute and didn't want to do that again so I forced myself to go out and I really had a lovely day. It was cold, but the sun was shining and we had a lovely walk up the canal, had a cuppa and watched the ducks. I felt great when I came home! It's just so tough sometimes isn't it!? I think we should try and push ourselves as much as we can but not lose sight of the fact that sometimes we really do need abit of self comfort!

[Lilharry]

Totally agree with you hanj. It seems so obvious, but it's so hard to remember when you're in that negative head space. The priority is always to self comfort, which, I think, perpetuates the negativity. I tell myself that I can't do anything else, that I'm not capable of it right now and see the "doing stuff" as an overwhelming chore. But I think if you can view it "self care" it becomes more appealing, and remind yourself that you're doing it because it's going to help you. And like you say, once you've done it, you feel great!

[rb1978]

I definitely self-comfort....one habit I am trying hard to break at the moment is the habit of curling up on the sofa, in the dark (!), under a blanket, listening to music. I do this way too often in the evenings and it feels so lovely at the time but it's terrible really. I just mull things over in my mind and then, the worst bit, I end up falling asleep and waking up at stupid o'clock and then having to go to bed.

I always feel terrible the day after and then because I have a bad day, I end up doing it again in the evening and mulling over what a rubbish day I had. :blush: