matt94
04-04-13, 19:33
Hi! My name is Matt and I'm 18 years old. I live in New York.
I've dealt with GAD, panic disorder, and several phobias since I was 7 years old. It seems to run in the family. Unfortunately I did not respond to many of the SSRIs I was put on for a number of years, and missed many opportunities due to anxiety. Things began to look up in 2009, I suppose.
Up until December I was virtually anxiety free, and had conquered many of my fears! I was taking citalopram and receiving CBT for a while and eventually did not need it anymore, I suppose. I went on a roadtrip without my parents 800 miles away, and went on cruises with my family. I felt my anxieties were easy to tackle.
After a year of being off of medication, I was on top of the world. I had two jobs and was working 50 hours a week and just had returned to school. My mind was under constant stress trying to balance everything. But I had a girlfriend, and great people in my life. I had everything to be thankful for.
However, my anxieties came flooding back in December beginning with persistent intrusive thoughts. I also got sick many times and felt like my immune system crumbled. I tried starting Fluoxetine, and felt more positive(yet still anxious). After two weeks on the medication I found I was having horrendous panic attacks right before bowel movements. I had a dry mouth which made me anxious in itself and couldn't work the cash register because my memory was shot. I gave up on fluoxetine altogether.
Eventually it became so much to handle that I quit my jobs and dropped out of school just to stay at home. Now I'm pretty much agoraphobic. Even at home I cannot escape my anxiety, though. My hands are constantly cold and my breath is shallow. I have this persisting fear that I will lose control of my breath and panic. It is all that is on my mind from the minute I wake up to the time I manage to fall asleep.
I now cannot see a psychiatrist due to my agoraphobia, and the only way I can get my county to send a support team(therapist, psychiatrist) is to submit a psychiatric evaluation. Unfortunately, my previous psychiatrist is elderly and currently in the hospital. I feel as though the thoughts are getting more power over me every day.
Even when I do see a psychiatrist they will just put me on another SSRI. Unfortunately I know all too well that it gets worse before it gets better in that realm. I was taking Citalopram 60mg for a couple of years, and I suppose it was working(or I was just dealing with my anxieties better naturally?). I cannot let it get any worse, though. I cannot wait 3-6 weeks to see the tiniest glimpse of improvement. SSRIs suck. I have heard good things about Buspar, though...
My parents think I need medication and should be hospitalized because I cannot receive adequate care under my circumstances, however this idea is horrendous to someone who has agoraphobia and severe anxiety to begin with. I'd have to be sedated the entire time to get there.
It feels like the universe is working against me. I know nobody deserves anxiety.. I just always wanted to be a good person, help others, and make the world a better place. But for some reason I was chosen to be afflicted with this. Oh well. Just hope tomorrow will be a better day, I guess.
---------- Post added at 14:33 ---------- Previous post was at 12:42 ----------
What kind of treatment is everybody here doing? Whether it be medication/natural/self help.
I've dealt with GAD, panic disorder, and several phobias since I was 7 years old. It seems to run in the family. Unfortunately I did not respond to many of the SSRIs I was put on for a number of years, and missed many opportunities due to anxiety. Things began to look up in 2009, I suppose.
Up until December I was virtually anxiety free, and had conquered many of my fears! I was taking citalopram and receiving CBT for a while and eventually did not need it anymore, I suppose. I went on a roadtrip without my parents 800 miles away, and went on cruises with my family. I felt my anxieties were easy to tackle.
After a year of being off of medication, I was on top of the world. I had two jobs and was working 50 hours a week and just had returned to school. My mind was under constant stress trying to balance everything. But I had a girlfriend, and great people in my life. I had everything to be thankful for.
However, my anxieties came flooding back in December beginning with persistent intrusive thoughts. I also got sick many times and felt like my immune system crumbled. I tried starting Fluoxetine, and felt more positive(yet still anxious). After two weeks on the medication I found I was having horrendous panic attacks right before bowel movements. I had a dry mouth which made me anxious in itself and couldn't work the cash register because my memory was shot. I gave up on fluoxetine altogether.
Eventually it became so much to handle that I quit my jobs and dropped out of school just to stay at home. Now I'm pretty much agoraphobic. Even at home I cannot escape my anxiety, though. My hands are constantly cold and my breath is shallow. I have this persisting fear that I will lose control of my breath and panic. It is all that is on my mind from the minute I wake up to the time I manage to fall asleep.
I now cannot see a psychiatrist due to my agoraphobia, and the only way I can get my county to send a support team(therapist, psychiatrist) is to submit a psychiatric evaluation. Unfortunately, my previous psychiatrist is elderly and currently in the hospital. I feel as though the thoughts are getting more power over me every day.
Even when I do see a psychiatrist they will just put me on another SSRI. Unfortunately I know all too well that it gets worse before it gets better in that realm. I was taking Citalopram 60mg for a couple of years, and I suppose it was working(or I was just dealing with my anxieties better naturally?). I cannot let it get any worse, though. I cannot wait 3-6 weeks to see the tiniest glimpse of improvement. SSRIs suck. I have heard good things about Buspar, though...
My parents think I need medication and should be hospitalized because I cannot receive adequate care under my circumstances, however this idea is horrendous to someone who has agoraphobia and severe anxiety to begin with. I'd have to be sedated the entire time to get there.
It feels like the universe is working against me. I know nobody deserves anxiety.. I just always wanted to be a good person, help others, and make the world a better place. But for some reason I was chosen to be afflicted with this. Oh well. Just hope tomorrow will be a better day, I guess.
---------- Post added at 14:33 ---------- Previous post was at 12:42 ----------
What kind of treatment is everybody here doing? Whether it be medication/natural/self help.