View Full Version : Hi, I am the queen of HA
Hello all,
I have recently gone through a battery of test because an x-ray showed a lesion on my bone. That went on for about two months, from December to January. I have lost sleep, precious days and my boyfriend who could not handle it anymore. :weep:
Lately, I found some lumps on the right side of my neck, I have a ache in that ear and some night sweats. I have gone to my doctor, the emergency twice, had a CT scan and schedule for a visit with with an ENT in two weeks.
Here I go again...I can barely function, I wake up with high anxiety levels and can barely concentrate on my work.
I am afraid they missed my cancer the first time and that now, it is in the nodes so I figure I must be a stage 4. All I can think about is my death and now, I'll die alone since the love of my life left me.
I am seeing a psychologist, but healing takes time. My family loves me, but this is not something I can talk to them about...they've heard it before and I don't want to lose them either.
I feel stuck, hopeless...I am afraid I will die soon and that I have an incurable cancer.
I hope I can find help an solace here...I really need it.
Thanks for reading.
Hi and :welcome:
I have HA too and find this site really helpful and comforting, its great to know we are not alone in what we are going through :hugs:
Hi Tipoux,
Welcome to the site. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time at the moment but hopefully you'll find that this site gives you lots of support :). I suffer with social anxiety so can't relate to what you're experiencing directly but I can relate to constantly analysing things and working yourself up into a panic. If you ever need to chat or rant drop me a message. Thinking of you.
Hannah :D
Thank you for the warm welcome. I feel less alone after reading a lot of your stories. I just want to live and not worry...just live and enjoy the ride.
Hi Tipoux
A big hug to welcome you. I am also a newbie and as well as health anxiety im am scared of death/dying, i have 2 young children and fear that i will not see them grow up. I hope all your scans can help along with this site. I have found solice knowing that im not alone in the situation and others out there are going through things that are similar. If you ever want to chat. im on here most days at the mo as im finding a real comfort, xxx
Welcome :)
I too am a health anxiety sufferer... along with ocd... Ive had (in my mind) every cancer and incurable disease going... felt every symptom... been on meds for anxiety and also had scans blood tests etc etc
it really does help to read others stories and know you arnt alone...
I have been a member for 3 years here now... ive had 1 year anxiety free and it has come back due to a stressful time i had in january which set it all off...
so... it just proves it can be beaten xxx
Cx
Cx
Welcome :)
I too am a health anxiety sufferer... along with ocd... Ive had (in my mind) every cancer and incurable disease going... felt every symptom... been on meds for anxiety and also had scans blood tests etc etc
it really does help to read others stories and know you arnt alone...
I have been a member for 3 years here now... ive had 1 year anxiety free and it has come back due to a stressful time i had in january which set it all off...
so... it just proves it can be beaten xxx
Cx
Cx
:bighug1: carly. i hope you can beat it again too. xx
:bighug1: carly. i hope you can beat it again too. xx
Thank you :hugs:
xxxx
Hi Tipoux - I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I am having digestive issues and severe fatigue and I am convinced I have bowel cancer. I just want to hurry up and have the proper tests so they can rule it out, however I have to wait on the public waiting list for up to 6 months. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare at the moment. Some days I'm fine and feel positive, but as soon as I get pain or any unsual feelings I think I've had it. I'm so sorry you lost your boyfriend from this. You will find lots of supportive people on here going through something similar. Hugs xx
Thanks to all of you.
I am sure there is a way to shift our thinking, but our mind is on overdrive. When my anxiety is at its worse, I feel like I want to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
I am glad I found this place, at least we can understand each other and not make our family and friends go through this again and again.
Hi everyone..
I'm Carole and I'm new on here!! I'd just like to say that reading just a few of the posts has immediately made me realise that i'm not alone. My story is long...so i wont post everything all at once...but in a nutshell....I am currently suffering from depression, health anxiety, extreme fear of death, as well as GAD. I've almost reached the point where most days I feel like I cant go on. Its a living hell. One of the posts I read mentioned in extreme cases feeling trapped in your own body....my description of that feeling was.......being afraid to be alive because i'm so afraid to die!
On the positive side...if you can call it that...I have suffered from this before.....and had been pretty much anxiety free for about 6 years. I thought i'd kicked it for good! Now its back with a vengeance!
Anyway thanks for reading my post...please say hi if you can relate to anything i've said...xx
---------- Post added at 10:06 ---------- Previous post was at 09:52 ----------
Hi Tipoux - I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I am having digestive issues and severe fatigue and I am convinced I have bowel cancer. I just want to hurry up and have the proper tests so they can rule it out, however I have to wait on the public waiting list for up to 6 months. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare at the moment. Some days I'm fine and feel positive, but as soon as I get pain or any unsual feelings I think I've had it. I'm so sorry you lost your boyfriend from this. You will find lots of supportive people on here going through something similar. Hugs xx
Hi Lilharry
I completely relate to everything you say! I currently have some pain that the doctors keep fobbing off.....and just when I think I've managed to put it in perspective and told myself I'm not going to let it rule my life.....i get a pain or a twinge or some other unusual symptom and hey presto......i'm right back at the start again. Most days I don't function normally. I usually wake up shaking....and then the thoughts start and I cant stop them no matter how hard I try. Within a few minutes I've usually diagnosed myself with the incurable disease and experienced every emotion that goes with it. By then...as you said.....i'm convinced i've had my lot!
Actually, I think I am the queen of ha. I have it so bad, that I now have a phobia, that I can't even go to the dr to have things checked out. I obsess about every pain....and there are a lot of pains.when I have weird symptoms it sends me into a tail spin. I will avoid anything related to the pain. Such as looking at it in the mirror, hearing cancer stories. I will change the chanel our walk out of the room if someone is taking about cancer. Right now, I have had a shoulder injury for a year. I've gotten myself so convinced its something serious. But I can't bare the thought of getting a bleak diagnosis, that now I don't go to the dr any more...I can't make myself. Its a phobia! I'm so trapped now, and the pain has moved to my whole arm, and neck.scared all the time anxiety is constant.knowing I should just go in and get it over with just makes me more anxious.:ohmy:
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