Need to vent - same old worries about 2 year old

[cattia]

My biggest anxiety is a fear of my almost two year old son having autism. I have worried about this for most of his life really At almost two, he is sociable and his speech is excellent. His imaginative play is great. I focus on little things, like the fact that he puts stuff in his mouth, is pretty hyperactive, has a high pain threshold, he has a few fine motor issues due to being double jointed in his thumbs, and other small things about his behaviour, and I relate these to the moutain of stuff I've read about autism /aspergers. I worry about it all day long.I know it's ridiculous and bad for my son that I have these constant worries. I know it's probably insulting to people whose kids have ASD which is why I don't post about it much even here. It's just that lately a few things have made my anxiety worse.

Firstly, I haven't given him the MMR, and there is a measles outbreak in Wales ( we don't live in or near Wales) I have made arrangements for him to have a separate measles vaccine and my daughter will have the same. I KNOW that the research about the link between autism and MMR has been discredited. I know the jab is safe, the Dr who published that research has been struck off etc etc. I know all that. It's just my anxiety about the jab is massive. Today my dad came over and laid into me about it basically saying I'm stupid and putting my children at risk. So now I feel even more like crap. I KNOW I am being irrational and it's probably a huge waste of money getting separate vaccines done, but I just feel happier that way. Is that so awful?
The other thing is that he has his two year check coming up and I am terrified that they will say he has something wrong and that my worries are true.

I don't expect anyone to be able to answer this since I know that
A) autism isn't the worst thing in the world.
B) nobody else who has had any contact with my son believes that he shows any signs of autism, including the childminder, health visititor and GP. I dismiss their opinions and think that I am the only one who really knows him.

Basically I just wanted to write all this down as I hate living with this sense of irrational fear and I feel better for getting my thoughts off my chest.

[sparkle_1979]

Hun I think you're fears are normal. Don't feel bad as a mother you do what you fees best for your child, it's all you can do.

Your son will be fine but if you're worried chat to hv for peace of mind x

[cattia]

Thanks Sparkle, I am going to talk to the HV at his two year check but I already took him in at 18 months and also took him to the GP and they didn't seem worried. I think if I hadn't read so much about ASD I wouldn't notice all these little signs. The big things like language delay and lack of social interst aren't there really, it's just little behavioral quirks which I guess could be normal toddler behaviour since two year olds are kind of weird anyway!

[Heley]

I feel for you and understand your concerns- my twin sister is autistic. But she is also bright, happy, out going, and doing really well in her degree at a Redbrick University. It sounds like if your son is affected by autism in any way, it isn't in any of the stereotypical 'serious ways,' such as language delay or poor social development.

Behavioral quirks as you put it could indicate something if there were more serious signs accompanying them- for example, when we were very little my twin would push our younger sister over, take her toys and go and play by herself with them. She also, whilst learning to speak very quickly, refused to speak to others as she preferred to be in her own head.

I'm not saying you're wrong (as I'm certain you know your son better than any physician), but you should take huge comfort in the fact that so many people who know about autism have stated that they aren't worried. And also note that autism is not the end of the world- in fact, in many cases it is a blessing. My twin is incredibly bright and focused, doing A levels in both English and Maths (and getting A*s) and writes the most wonderful stories as she is able to view the world in a very different way to most.

I hope this has helped! :)

[sparkle_1979]

Oh gosh yes, you should see my three year old and her funny little ways. She has lots of things that u read ad associate with autism but them I speak to friends and theirs are just as quirky :)

[Annie0904]

I have worked with students with Autism for many years and from what you are describing your son does not sound Autistic and even if he was than I would say it is quite mild.
As for vaccinations. I know what a difficult decision this can be for any parent. I have worked with children ever since leaving school and have 3 of my own (now grown up) I have always thought it was important to have my children vaccinated but at the time there were scares about the whooping cough vaccine and my husband (now ex husband) would not allow them to be vaccinated against it. My oldest 2 were not vaccinated but I went against his wishes and had my youngest vaccinated. As a consequence of this my daughter and oldest son contracted whooping cough at the ages of 7 & 5. They were very poorly and my daughter (now 27) has scarring on her lungs from it. Thankfully my youngest who had been vaccinated did not get it as I am sure at the age of 2 it would have affected him even more.
I do understand your concerns after the vaccines but they have been shown to be safe and if it was me I would have all the vaccinations for them as the illnesses are much worse than the effects from the vaccines.
The things you describe about your son, like putting things in his mouth, hyperactive could describe any 2 year old child and are quite normal behaviours for that age. :hugs:

[cattia]

Thank you so much for your kind replies. Your words mean a lot to me. This anxiety is the worst I have had for a while and I pretty much go round in circles with it the whole time I am awake. I think the chances of me managing to take him for his MMR given the severity of my anxiety is pretty slim, but I want him and his sister to be vaccinated so I think the single vaccine, despite being expensive, is my best option. I hate the way that I analyse every little thing he does. I feel it is very unfair on him.

Heley, it is very encouraging to hear about your sister, she sounds like she's doing very well.

Annie, thank you for your encouragement. It's so helpful to hear from someone who has so much relevant experience.
Sparkle, my three year old is also quirky, my anxiety used to be focusd on her but now it's on my Poole son!

I don't really know whether this type of anxiety is strickly speaking health anxiety, but I absolutely recognize the same thinking patterns; needing to look stuff up all the time, constant need for reassurance, obsessing over symptoms, thinking I know better than the experts, etc etc.

[Annie0904]

Cattia, have you had any therapy to help you with your anxieties? I think it may be helpful to you :hugs:

[cattia]

Hi Annie,
I used to be on Prozac years ago and it helped a lot. My husband and I would like a third child so I don't want to go back on medication at the moment, but to be honest there is no way I can cope with another pregnancy and baby with my anxiety how it is at the moment. I had CBT years ago then recently I was referred to telephone CBT but I found it very impersonal and I didn't like it. I had hypnotherapy which helped with acute anxiety but not the underlying issues. I would really like to have psychotherpy, as I am now 36 and have suffered anxiety my whole adult life, but all that is available on the NHS in my area is telephone CBT and as I am working part time I can't afford to go private. I hope that one day I will be able to afford it for myself.

[Annie0904]

I am getting intense psychotherapy on NHS. I guess it all depends on which area you live.

[cattia]

Thanks Annie, when I asked last time they wouldn't even offer me face to face CBT. I think telephone CBT is on trial in this area. I personally didn't like it. Do you find psychotheropy helps?

[Annie0904]

Psychotherapy is helping me loads, I am feeling so much more confident in myself and getting out again x

[Darwin73]

Cattia, my son does have ASD and I can honestly say there is nothing you have described about your son's behaviour in any of your posts that suggest he suffers from a social communication disorder. Google MCHAT which is a checklist for red flags for ASD in young children and I am sure you will see that your son does not meet any of these criteria. If it's any help, I have 3 children and I put off the MMR with all of them till I was sure in my own mind whether they would/would not have ASD (was also worried about the link), but by the time I had them vaccinated (they were all between 2 and 3 yrs old) , my youngest was already showing signs of autism and the vaccination had no impact on his symptoms at all. Please stop worrying and enjoy your lovely little boy:)

[cattia]

Thank you Darwin, I appreciate your words a lot. I have done the MCHAT a few times and he scored 2 which is low risk. I also did the online test for PDD and he scored low on that too. The only thing he scores on is sensory issues so maybe it's possible to have some sensory issues without ASD. Stuff like the constant chewing on everything, jumping up and down etc. I guess I will see what the HV says on his two year check, but I do find all your words very encouraging. I just wish I could calm down and get some perspective!