Was doing well-dissapointed with myself...

[Iced_diamond]

To be honest I am quite irritated with myself for deciding to post on the forum again. I still enjoy having a peek into the forum to see if I can help or offer some advice. I was going to try to make it a rule not to actually post about my own problems, as I wanted to try and improve. With Spring on the way and a difficult Winter behind me, I thought it would be a good time for me to embrace change. And I did. And I was doing well. However the last couple of weeks I have been struggling with bothersome thoughts and my anxiety has made a real unwelcome comeback. I find myself obsessing about things, worrying all the time about my health, my job, that I won't have enough time to get things done I need to do. Especially my health anxiety is hurting me a lot again. I keep threating that there's something wrong with me, that I will fall ill. It's causing me go lose sleep and concentration at work. Today I went to town with my sister and it. Was quite busy in some of the big shops. Now that I am in, I feel really exhausted and panicky that I have picked up a cold or a flu from someone in the shops! I guess I am also stressing, as I have a busy week-end coming up and I fear something bad will happen to get in the way of it-it's important that I'm well for it. I know to some of you my issues will seem trivial and not worthy of a response, but I'm getting so saddened by the fact that I try so hard, yet still can't just enjoy life like I'd like to. Sorry for the violins...I just feel sad and unhappy at the moment....

[Darbysa]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You sound a lot like me. There's nothing trivial about this sort of niggling worry and it made you feel bad enough to post. It's unlikely you will have picked anything up. Try to relax and look forward to your big weekend. We all get these little set backs but you said yourself that you have previously done well and you can get back to that good place.

Take care x

[Iced_diamond]

Thank you. :) I am going to try and relax a little. Sometimes it's hard staying calm when I am so jumpy all the time, but I think I just need to give my mind a bit of a rest. :)

[Tessar]

Please don't be hard on yourself. If only it were that easy to get better eh? It takes time and practice to get there you know. And on your journey from where you were at and where you are hoping to go, there will be ups (as you have experienced more of late) & downs....such as you are having now.
Oh if I was paid money for every time I came back from town and thought I will no doubt have picked up germs along the way......it's so annoying to have these thoughts but to get rid of them is (as you of course know) far easier said than done.
One if the things that I feel is good about NMP is that it is a place for sharing. Sometimes we are posting about ourselves. Sometimes we are responding to other people's posts and passing on support and advice (based on i might add.... the very experiences we are going through or have been through ourselves). I keep reminding myself that yeah, I've been through some crap in my life, but now, having found NMP.... At least I can try to put my bad experiences to some good use.
So you see, my friend, were you not here posting, I wouldn't have an opportunity to share my thoughts with you. By posting you are actually helping me. Each time I stop to think about what to say to someone, in responding to them I am thinking about past things I have felt. Also it reminds me of the things I did that got me better first time round.
Well here I am 2nd time round. But a big difference is that I have my friends at NMP to help me through. I didn't have that big family of friends before or their support before but I do now.
I see you visiting here as being healthy for you, providing you use it in a constructive manner. I recall discussing reflecting on things with my therapist. There is a balance we need to find between dwelling on stuff to no avail and in so doing not helping our overall situation, or.... Using these ponderings to our advantage.
You can't just shut the thoughts off because they don't just go away. They need dealing with in a constructive manner. To look at the thoughts in a factual and logical way. That is how I help myself deal with many of my issues. I don't like facing them head on as this involves feeling uncomfortable but it is something I know I need to do.
Suffering with emetophobia means I regularly have to deal with unwanted thoughts, generally now I am much better trained at kicking them into touch. Much though i would like to I haven't eradicated the thoughts. They are still there. But the big thing for me now is that I have learned to recognise them quickly. I stop them in their tracks. It has taken a lot of practice and patience to get this far but I keep plugging away.
And that is my advice to you my friend, to keep plugging away. Why not visit here providing you are using it to gain support (which I feel sure people will be glad to give).
Also if you have a good day or something goes well, visit the success stories forum and post on there. That way you are being very constructive as the things you find that do work for you may just be what a fellow sufferer needs to read and learn from to start their journey towards getting better as well.
It's often said that positive posts don't get much of an airing so perhaps this is an opportunity for you to make a difference on that score. Also, and finally, before I bore the pants off you.... If you post about a good day but then have a bad one....so what? Bad days are, after all, a part of the recovery process. In fact much though I wish they weren't, they are a part of life.
Well, Iced_D here's to wishing you well and thank you for posting.
Remember you are amongst friends.

[Iced_diamond]

Thanks very much for your post Tessar. I already feel much better. :) What you say makes a lot of sense and you're very right about the forum-it's a good place to come whether you have a positive message to share or are just looking for some help and guidance from fellow anxiety sufferers. This forum has helped me a lot in the last year or so, as I find that a lot of people around me don't really understand my problems with anxiety and tend to be quick to brush things off. I really should start posting in the success stories area-you're right, people don't focus on the good things enough. :)

[Tessar]

How are things going Iced_Diamond?

[Iced_diamond]

Hello Tessar, thank you for asking. I feel pretty good at the moment. :) I think that the more Spring like weather is helping. Yesterday I celebrated my Birthday and that was a fairly big deal for me, as I decided to have a lot of people 'round. Before the week-end I was panicking about the whole day. Would it go well? Would there be enough room? Then of course there's my germ phobia and worrying about whether people would be ill etc. However. I decided that I would enjoy it-and I did. I still have my moments, but I am trying to be more rational with myself and am trying to do things I would normally not, as each time I get through whatever that may be, I feel that bit stronger and proud. The forum is also helping me-as always. Hope all is well. :)

[Tessar]

That sounds really good. I know how it can feel on the germ front and also I don't like being the centre of attention. I recall many a birthday when people wanted to make a fuss & I wanted to blend. Into the background. But then people like to have something to celebrate so I would expect those that were there most likely enjoyed themselves and will have been very happy to celebrate with you.


:birthday::birthday1::birthday::birthday1: :birthday::birthday1::birthday:
#### HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO YOU ####
######### ICED_DIAMOND ############

:birthday::birthday1::birthday::birthday1: :birthday::birthday1::birthday:

[Iced_diamond]

Thanks very much. :) Everyone did say they had a good time, which made me happy too. Just hoping for a good week ahead now.

[Tessar]

How was your week Iced_Diamond?